watch now! detail...
thank you very muchand welcome to tool time. i'm your host, of course,tim "the tool man" taylor. and you all know my assistant,al "i can't find a better job"borland. anyway, all this week, al and i'll be doingour salute... (ping/groan) ...to safety. because, after all, al,a safe workplace is a happy workplace, right?
i wouldn't know, tim. and who better to help uswith our salute... ...to safety week than the boys at k & bconstruction company. let's get them out herewith a big round of applausefrom the tool time crowd. come on, get them out here! welcome aboard, guys. hey, always greatto be here, timmy. the reason i asked these guysdown here is a darn good one.
these guys probably have thetoughest job in construction in the state of michigan -working on the high steel. and these guys havea perfect safety recordfor the last 195 days. 195! think about that-- uh, timmy, i'm afraidthat record stopped at 194. good night, nurse.what happened? well, yesterday, somebody hada little accident with a rivet. well, you see, tim,i was so excited about coming backon your show,
i let one ofthose red-hot rivets slip. yes, you did. hey, look on the bright side. you didn't burn any hair. tim, rivet accidentsare no laughing matter. and neither are you, al. hey, before we get toour safety demonstration, i'd like to get to a letteron a very controversial subject by a charles eddingtonfrom grosse point, michigan.
he writes, "dear tim, "you've taken thismasculinism bit too far. "all you do is use loud tools, "act machoand grunt like an ape. your show makes me sickand so do you." (chortles) he continues, "i'd like to see a lot lessof that al guy. i hate al." can i see that, tim?
we don't have timefor that, al. you know, maybe chas is right. maybe we should stopthis grunting.what do you think? (all) no! hey. folks, what do you think?stop the grunting? no! well, chuckie, i tried. i think it's timeto give this letter back
to the complaint department. lisa! whoa. here you go, tim.all loaded. thanks, lisa.chuckie, this... is the complaint department. al? you wanna holdthat letter up for me? i don't think so, tim.
i'd like to respond by saying, "charlie, thanks forsharing your feelings. please feel freeto write anytime." (men) yeah! what do you think? could weput the kids in the middle? mom, why are you droppingflowers on the table? they're petals, see?it's romantic. i'm gonna give your fatherthis surprise dinner tonight, and i want everythingto be perfect for him.
then why aren't you eatingin front of the tv? why don't you goget your suitcase? randy, come on, move it. not yet. i think brad and jenniferare gonna kiss. what? well, they've been lookingat each other like thatfor an hour. i have never seen him stareat anything that long. maybe i should just gluehis history book to her face.
ah, they're coming. bye, mrs. taylor. oh, jennifer. i didn't know you werestill here. well, bye. will i see you tomorrow? yeah, i'll be playing footballat the park. maybe i'll come by. that'd be great. ok. bye.
bye. well, jennifer punched you. cathy kramer saidwhen a girl punches a boy, she wants to get a hot kisson the lips. that is not what it means. well, cathy kramershould know, mom. she went to schoolin france. you stay away from her. and, brad, you areway too young to bethinking about kissing.
there's other things that youneed to think about first. like, um... shaving. i've shaved. not a cat, stupid. uh, we'll go pack. (overlapping shouts) (al) you're representing tool time here. you do betterwhen you don't concentrate. just don't concentrate.
that's it. time! all right, let's see.rock, you've got... 14 peanuts in your hat. yes! tim... ...you've got 15. (tim) yes! no! count 'em again!
yeah! winner and still champion,tim "the tool man" taylor. and the crowd goes wild.yeah! yeah! it's getting late, guys.i'm gonna call my wifereal quick. no, wait, tim.am i hearing this right? you have to check inwith the little woman? those pants comein a man's size, timmy? hey, back off, fellas. i'm showinga little consideration.you got a problem with this?
(phone rings) (♪ soft music) hello? hey, butthead! excuse me? honey, you're not a butthead, of course. i got hit with a peanut. tim, where are you? i'm down at big mike'swith the guys from k & b.
well, i thought you saidthis morning that you werecoming right home. yeah, i know i said that, but we had a great show, so we stopped by for a few beers. is that all right? oh, yeah, yeah.that sounds like fun. uh, but, i want you to know... (suggestively) ...that i'm really looking forward to seeing you. oh, same here, you know. i'll be home real soon -15 minutes, tops. i'm on my wayout the door right now.
set your timer. ok. i'm just gonna belistening to a little, um... ...billie holiday. hey, i'm coming right home. i'll be waiting. ok. bye-bye. bye-bye. hey, guys, i thinki gotta get outta here. (men) no!
you just got here. timmy, you can't leave.your peanut crown's on the line. you've been challengedin the peanut plunge. by who? i beat everybody. except me. ooh. one more. (overlapping shouts) set it up!
(low voice on tv) two hours. unbelievable. "set the timer." hello. it's me. hey, jill, what are you doingsitting here in the-- uh-oh. hey, looks like you plannedsomething special. yeah.
you put togethera little dinner for-- uh-huh. (clears throat) hey, where are the kids? your mother cameand picked them up. no kids. oh, no. yeah, so we could have a nice,romantic evening alone together, just me and that chickenon your plate. so you must've hadto carry the conversation. i just wanna knowwhat happened to
"15 minutes, set the timer." hey, i'm really sorry,but the guys and i got into some real seriousdiscussions about, um... relationship things, you know - men/women stuff,sharing feelings. pretty heavy stuff. i spent two daysplanning this evening. do you have any ideahow long it's been since we had a quiet,romantic evening together?
i was on the phone.why didn't you say,"come home"? i wanted to surprise you. well, i'm surprised. come on, jill. lighten up. i didn't understandwhat you meant on the phone. well, what did you thinki meant when i saidall that stuff about how i was looking forwardto seeing you and, um... (deep singsong voice) ..."i'll be waiting"? oh, like you said it like that,"i'll be waiting."
well, i wantedto be more subtle! what did you want me to say?"the kids are gone. i'm home alone.come and take me, big daddy"? well, that i understand. good night. oh, come on, jill. i don't go outwith these guys every night.what's making you so angry? i am angry because you saidyou were gonna be homein 15 minutes and then you weren't!
because i'm flirting with youlike crazy on the phone and you didn't even notice! and most of all, because i wentto all this trouble for nothing! i spent the whole eveningby myself. and now you're stuckwith a plate of cold food. oh, don't worry about me.i ate at the bar. wait, wait, wait, wait!i didn't have dessert! when a girl punches you, do you think she wantsto kiss you?
if it's an uppercut, no. if it's a short jabto the shoulder... mm, maybe. that's what i thought. (clears throat) has jennifer been giving youjabs or uppercuts? jabs. does that worry you? me too. but when you and mom kiss,do you ever bump noses?
are you kidding?we got the tilt thing down. when you kiss a woman,you gotta lean to one side, she's gotta go to the other sideso you don't mash noses. unless you could find a womanwhose nose is big enough you could fit right into it. listen... dad... don't rush intothis kissing thing, ok? that's what mom said.she said i'm too young.
and she's right.she's really smart. we didn't start kissinguntil last week. hey, doof, want to goplay some football? don't punch me! he punched you, gotta kiss him. come on. (brad) no way. hey, hey, hey, leavethose eggs alone, please. it's my breakfast.
well, where's mom? and how comeyou're eating alone? no reason. you and mom have a fight? no, we did have a fight. so, what'd you do wrong, dad? i didn't do anything wrong.remember that, little mister. now, go on and playor do something. ok, ok.
just because he hasa fight with mom,he has to take it out on me. tim, about last night, i... did you make me breakfast? yeah, yeah. this is really sweet. well, you're worth it,honey. i was just...i got up this morning, and i was thinking,"what could i do for jill?" and it just cameto me - eggs.
thank you.they're delicious. mm. tim, i feel really badabout last night.i think i really-- hey, dad. don't interrupt. how come mom getsto eat your eggs? there's no name on these. (chuckles) kids. great.
your eggs? what's mine is yours, honey. i know, tim.what's yours is yours. you see, that's the differencebetween us. i would've made you breakfast, because i'm alwaysfocused on you. are you saying i don't doanything romantic for you? no, that's not what i'm saying. in fact, that whole thinglast night was your idea.
that was my idea? you know the other nightwhen we were watching that charles boyer movieon the late show, and there was that real romanticcandlelight-dinner scene between ingrid bergmanand charles boyer? you said, "wouldn't itbe nice if we did that?" i meant talk with accents. why don't you justever tune in to me? what am i supposed to do?read your mind?
at least when i want something,it's pretty clearwhat it is i want. well, that's true, tim.your signals are real clear. you crush a beer canon your head, that means, um,"i need another one." you belch... (belches) ...that's, "i'm done." and, um,"honey, i took a shower," that's, "wake up, i'm ready." safety on the job siteis a priority.
that's why proper equipmentis essential: custom-designed hard hat... ...and proper safety gogglesto protect your eyes from unexpected objects. anyway, these gogglesare especially coated to reduce glareand prevent scratching. and they're ventedfor your added comfort. and so is al. anyway, the important thing hereis safety on the job site.
and safety startsat a little spotright here. you must have directand clear communication between your coworkers. al, look out! see? see? had this been a real emergency,al would be safe, because i gave hima clear and direct signal. and as al's coworker,i'm concerned with his safety, just as al is concernedwith mine. right, al?
what's your point, tim? good, direct question. my point is, i don't think women are as clearwith their signals as men. i know they're not.on a job site, for instance, if a man holds up a stop sign,he means, "hey, stop there!" if woman holds up a stop sign,if she designed this, it'd say, "if you really knew me,you'd know whatyou should do right now." (randy) come on, come on. hurry up. they're coming.
boy, billy really hit you hardon that touchdown. yeah. it's no big deal. is your arm ok? just tore off a hunk of skin.it doesn't hurt. i fell off my bike onceand cut my knee. it was all greenand full of pus. ooh, cool. you want to see the scar? sure.
jill? hey, jill. i... sorry, i didn't meanto interrupt anything. excuse me a minute, jennifer.brad, where's your mom? i don't know. (mark) she went to the store! come on down from there,you little monkeys.come out of here. you guys are dead. get down out of that tree. come on, jennifer.i'll walk you home.
ok. bye, mr. taylor. bye, jennifer. what the heck do you thinkyou're doing up there? i hope you're satisfied.you embarrassed your brotheron his date. yeah, that was the plan. bad plan.go embarrass somebody else. (wilson) ♪ it had... it had to be you ♪ it had to be you ♪ i wandered around,finally found... ♪
♪ somebody who... ♪ hi-ho, tone-deaf neighbor. hey, wilson. what are youdoing with that feather? tim, i'm practicingan ancient japanese technique. (japanese accent) sumo tickling. no, no, tim.i'm cross-pollinating irises. you take a featherand move the pollenfrom the stamen - ♪ it had to be you ♪ - to the pistil.♪ it had to be you
why do you sing? it gets them in the mood, tim. here's to l'amour. well, there won't be any l'amour at this house tonight. tim, i think i hear a problem. well, if you gota minute, wilson, listen. jill says she'ssending out signals that i'm not picking up. i say the signals are so subtle,no man could pick them up.
well, tim, i think menare capable of graspingvery subtle ideas. what are you saying? well, maybe not all men. tim, you're puttinga bored-out, small block 350 engineinto your hot rod, right? you bet i am.400 crank, 30 to a 383. oh, that's a very complexpiece of machinery. (whistles) 400 ponies. holley double pumper.yeah, you betcha.
2200 rpm stall converter.purrs like a kitten. maybe a big cat.errr! now, if something went wrongwith that engine,you'd be able to hear it? oh, yeah. really? king-king-bing-ding-ding-ding. metal-to-metal noises.valve train. maybe camshaft, lower end.bad news. arcing sounds,always electric.
just dead.you can pick up on this stuff. well, that's very, very subtle.must be very hardto pick up on that. not if you're tuned inand really paying attention. (grunts) it seems likeit's always me, yeah. (doorbell) hi, ma'am.telephone repairman. i'm here to fix the phone. tim, what are you doing?
my name's fred, ma'am. fred? yeah, fred. i got a report of somecrossed signals at this house. that the faulty unitover here? i've been having some troublegetting through to my husband. whew. i can fix that, ma'am. you here by yourself? must be hard on a womanas fine-looking as you,in a big house like this.
get a little lonely, huh? do you like gladiator movies? tim, i don't thinkyou should do that. it's not tim - it's fred.here's your problem. the receiver's just notpicking up signals. well, maybe it's my fault. maybe... sometimes i don'tspeak clearly enough. no, it's not your fault.your signals are quite clear.
why, there's your problemright there, ma'am. the attentive wire's faulty. let's tighten it up,make it... tim, no, no, no, no... fred. just needs a little tweaking. well, uh, fred,while you're tweaking, maybe i should get usa glass of wine. do you usually talkto repairmen like this?
nah, it's just somethingabout that name, fred. well, there she is.good as new. does this mean thatmy husband will pick upon all my signals now? loud and clear, babe. well, do you think thathe'll pick up on this one? rotator cuff problem? how about this one? you want me to steal second? maybe i'm being too subtle.
look out, lady. you don't wanna pay your bill,do you, lady? (phone ringing) (dial tone) you remember the first timeyou kissed me? mm-hmm. it was outside my dorm,after casablanca. i thought it wasafter that darn cat, starring dean jones. (chuckles)
i often get thosefilms confused. i remember, i hesitated. then you shut your eyes. boy, my heart was going crazy,wasn't it? oh, yeah,boom-boom-boom-boom. di-di-di-di-di. and then we didthe tilt thing wrong. then we locked. (mark) ♪ mommy and daddy, sitting in a tree
♪ k-i-s-s-i-n-g ♪ (randy) we're in the tree, stupid! ...a quality safety hat... ...and goggles. i completely whacked him. ...and proper equipmentis essential. (both laughing) ...a safety hat. ...a safety...
