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captioning made possible bylions gate entertainment ♪ i could tell by your voice ♪ ♪ on the answerphone ♪ ♪ it was bad,didn't get back straightaway ♪ ♪ carried onwith what i was doin' ♪ ♪ for another 5 minutes ♪ [left alone among the livingcontinues] olly, narrating: as far backas i can remember, i always wantedto be a writer.
from the beginning, i knewit wasn't gonna be easy. my first memory is climbingout of a box and seeing two giants, who claimedto be my parents. they were so unlike me. they wanted meto read picture books. i liked novels. woman: ready? go! olly: they were competitive,i wasn't.
aah! dad! things weren'tworking out. dad! and then, i met murray. he encouraged menot to give in. he appreciated my work. [laughing] it didn't matter thata year later i found out murray couldn'tactually read
because, by then,we were inseparable. well, until i got intouniversity to study english, and...murray didn't. ♪ i could tellby your face ♪ ♪ when you got home... ♪ olly: at university,i met james. he introduced meto college life... ♪ ...straight away,carried on ♪ ♪ i thought thingswere normal... ♪
and to the women'sliterary society. murray came to one party, but he found it difficultto fit in. he and james didn'treally see eye to eye. rraaah! [shouting,indistinct] sorry. ♪ ...left behindamong the living ♪ wait.
olly: after that night, murray and i drifted apart. you just have funwith your new friends. olly: i graduatedwith a first-class degree in english literatureand started writing. within a month,i'd finished the first two chaptersof my novel, and i sent themto a big-time publisher, and a week later,he called.
i'm not going tosugarcoat this. these are the twobest opening chapters i have readin my entire life. olly: then he said somethingwhich messed up my life. i'd liketo give you an advance. 50,000? fif... 50,000. olly: the advancedestroyed my confidence.
my inspiration vanished. and this wasn'tjust writer's block. the fear spreadto areas of life unconnected to writing. i'm sorry. can iget a...a drink? olly: i could no longerget served at bars. just a... urinating in the presence ofstrangers became an issue. women ceasedto notice me.
then the publisher found outabout my writer's block and canceled the advance. i had nothing. excuse me? um... do you have anythingin london at arounda â£20 a week flat? no chance, mate. olly: and that's whenmy original best mate walked backinto my life.
murray let me stayin his spare room for free, but i still couldn't write. the dream was over. after 12 months of failure, i had to admit defeat and take a job in publishingi didn't really want. except all those jobs were takenby people who did want them. so i had to take a jobthat no one wanted, which is howi ended up here,
p.a. to the editorof women's self-help books. i came to temp for a week. that was 3 years ago. and the fact is,it's a nothing job in a nowhere companyon a dead end street in hell. so that's me. what about you? how's work experience? uh...uh...it's great.
can i go now? oh, yeah. absolutely. just wanted to make youfeel at home. [telephone rings] [ring] good afternoon.women's self-help. uh, yes,may i please speak with the big pussythat works there?
who shall i sayis calling? skinny freak,it's muzz. surely, no. we still onfor tonight? why? what'shappening tonight? we're getting drunk. oh, i can't. i've gotta go tojames's engagement party. oh, james, yeah,that'll be fun.
i've gotta go.i'll call you back. yeah, it's me.i was just wondering, are you going to spendthe entire day organizingyour social life, or are yougoing to transform some of that energyinto productivity? what would youlike me to do? um, what do ipay you for? take messages?
my message book,if it's not to much trouble. there's only one,actually. read it on the phone? have you not heardof personal interaction? i thought jameswas in new york with some wankycity job. yeah, that's right. so why is he here? i thought i've alreadytold you this.
he's getting married, it's hisengagement party, and he asked mealong. i'm just checking. look, i've reallygot to go. no, you can't come. you don't thinkyour best mate's good enough now that captain america'sback in town. good-bye.
[speed dialing] ple-he-heaselet me come! uh! right, then, um... where were we? [typing] dana? what? what the hell'she want?
he just wants youto return his call. no, i'm far too busy. is it ok if i goon time today? an old friend's getting married, and his engagement partystarts at 7:00. so? well, he might get upsetif i'm late. we've got to keepour ducks in a row. and don't you thinkmy husband gets upset
when i work late? well, i've never metyour husband, but i'msure he's gutted. i would be if i wasyour husband. i mean, i'd be guttedabout you working late, not aboutbeing your husband. i'd love to be your husband. i'll just... settle for beingyour assistant.
[shout out louds' hurry up let's go playing] ♪ you're a lie, it's true ♪ ♪ i don't believea thing... ♪ i only have 10.would that be all right? what does that say? well, i have money--exact money. exactly â£10. if it turns outyou're fake, they'll take it outof me wages.
i prefer the tubeanyway. ♪ come on ♪ ♪ love is all we've got ♪ gently, gently, boy. you are gently, gently boy. [belches] [warning beeping] ooh! sorry, sorry. i'm so sorry.
bollocks. bollocks! go on! shoo! whew. just in time. [band playing jazz] oh, sorry. careful. [guests gasp]
hold that. what happened?you're covered in shit. it's fine! it's fine! hey, it's goodto see you, james. you're just what i imagineda writer to look like. yeah. i'm surprised those stairsdon't kill anyone. yeah. well, not everybodycomes in backwards. hey!
so when do i getto meet the bride? let's get youcleaned up first. so, what's happeningin the land of olly? the last i heard, you were on your wayto a pulitzer prize and a malibu beach houseand a coke habit. wow. you've gota golf simulator? sarah hates it,cluttering up her flat. i wouldn't mindsome of that clutter.
wow.so this is her flat? yeah. daddy's loaded. so you'regettin' married. that's so grown up. i know. it just felt likethe right time, you know? she's amazing. well, she'd have to be. [chuckling]
where's the zip? on the side. i'm presuming these, uh,aren't yours? good. look, olly, i knowi haven't been the... the greatest friend to youover the last few years. it takes two. well,i should have replied to at least oneof your e-mails.
hey. but i want to make itup to you. would you consider beingmy best man? you're kiddin', right? seriously. you'd writea bloody funny speech. i would? you know, the funny thingabout james... [smatteringof applause]
olly? huh? just have to thinkabout it. i mean, you know,if you decide you can't. ah. you remember chris. yeah, he wasin the powers with you. yeah, same measurement,two years. chris! remember olly? i certainly do.
you're oneof the successful ones. well... good to see you. oh, i, uh,read your book. fantastic. thanks. whichbit did you like? the, uh...the beginning was good, and the, uh... oh, the bit with the--well, all of it.
have you ever seena 30 millimeter shell hit a rabbit? never. sorry sight,i can tell you. see, it's the ears--boom. when they go, oh! olly, i couldn't stealchris for a moment? oh, go on. well, see you later,olly-gator.
ha ha! i made 500k inbonuses alone last year. shipped the whole lotoffshore. nice little havenin belize. say no more. so, uh,what do you do? i'm a tax inspector. [cough] mm, susan, darling.
she's a beauty. no, i meanthe golfing simulator, not your wife. althoughyou're very beautiful, too. come on then, tiger. let's seeyour drive. jesus! fore! oh.
need to watchthat follow-through. classic. it's all right.it's mine. this ismr. and mrs. barker, soon to bemy in-laws. this is olly,potential best man. well, it's clear you'renot a golfer, so what do you do? olly's a writer.
oh? what do youwrite? would i knowany of your work? well, uh, ask chris. he's readone of my books. i'm just gonna...excuse me. who are youlooking for? ah, i just thought i sawsomeone i recognized. no, you didn't. you werejust pretending
because you hadno one to talk to... like now. are you in the habitof buying women's trousers? what would make you saya thing like that? because i havethe same pair. lovely cut. sadly, i only borrowedthese from james because-- they'remy bloody trousers, and you'veripped them!
no, i don't think so. no, he got themfrom upstairs. i live herewith sarah. who the hellare you? olly. olly, the best man? james saidyou were funny, but i thought he meantfunny, ha ha. where is he?
he's, uh... pleasure to meet you. hopefullymeet again soon. you will. i will? i'm the maid of honor, and don't you dareleave with my trousers. [cell phone rings] who's this?
oh, you won'tremember me. i'm just the guyyou used to live with. murray, am i gladto hear your voice. oh, sure. i can tellyou're having a laugh with your new,old best mate while i'm stuckat work. olly: trust me.i'm not. and you're not at work.you're in the pub. has he thrownanyone out yet?
no, but strangely enough, no one has thrown upon him yet. look, the truth is i fell down the stairs, i nearly decapitatedthe father of the bride, and, as for the bridesmaid, let's just say she couldgive sylvia plath a run for her moneyat the crazy games. well, i can't sayi didn't warn you.
i can't waitto meet the bride. i gotta go. please tell me you'renot marrying james. would it be sucha bad thing if i was? it's not alwaysa great idea to slog off the bride'sentire family at her own party. mmm...i think you lefther mother out. i was just comin'to her.
nice to meet you, and, no,i'm not marrying james. i'm olly,provisional best man. would you liketo go for a walk? where to? i hear the othercorner's beautiful this time of year. ok. yeah?
so are youthe best man or not? haven't quite decided. why? is there somethingwrong with the groom? james? no. no, not at all. so, what then? being best man isa huge responsibility. he's the groom'sproduct guarantee. i don't know if i couldwrite a funny speech.
oh, it doesn't necessarilyhave to be funny. what else am i gonna do,gritty? well, i hopeyou are best man. why? 'cause i'd liketo get to know you. here we are. you're right. it's beautiful. thanks. i groutedmost of it myself.
what an amazing view. i should go. it was really great. likewise. i can't wait to see you. ha ha. so, you havinga nice time? your best manis having the best time. best man?
can't believe i even neededtime to think about it. oh, that's great. james, i met someone. christ, you move fast. what's her name? i don't know,but rest assured, she's not the bride. that's a relief. do you believein love at first sight?
after enough champagne. where is she? there. oh, god. becka? i didn't get her name. the one in the black, standing next to sarah, my fiancã‰e, in white? yeah, that's right,yeah.
really? well,she must have been uncharacteristicallynice with you. about her trousers, she gave mea real bollocking. well, on second thought,maybe it's... no, i'mjust being cruel. she's perfect for you. no, i don't know.
you just met her. i'll seewhat i can do. no, no, no,don't you dare. no, no. relax. relax. i'm just goingto introduce you to sarah. it'll be fine. ok, but don't say anythingabout what i said before... to becka.not even to sarah. hi.
olly, this ismy wife-to-be, sarah. great to meet you. oh, we've met,actually. on the balcony. i believeyou know becka. hey, you. hey, friendless,thieving transvestite. becka! [james laughing]
she likes you. cheers. we should allhave a drink very soon. i'd love that.all right. and i'll see whati can do with becka. you know, i talkedto her a little more, and i think that oldlove at first sight thing is just a clichã‰. good man.
hey! olly! olly! hey, stan. i've gotthe latest issue of stripped n whippedfor murray. thanks, man.thanks. you don't havea bag, do you? yeah, i've got one. here you go.
thanks. see you later. see you around,mate. do you knowwhat time it is? uh, it's like 10:30or something. i knowwhat time it is. do you thinkthis is funny? murray, you're behavinglike a jealous lover. how would you feel if i'dsuddenly found a...
a new, oldbest friend? gutted,if i was 10. hello, kitty. what ever happenedto the old tradition of, uh... you know, hiding themunder the bed? why would i do that? i'm a proud subscriberto stripped n whipped. why are you so perky? you had a good time.
you met someone. no. you did. no, i've got--i've gota gift for these things. call it now... call it intuition. call it bloody annoying. all right, call itwhat you like, but you've fallenbig-time.
who is she? the bride. ho ho ho, baby. this just getsbetter and better. now, look, i have toforget the whole thing, haven't i? are you crazy? no, look, look,james doesn't deserve her. he's a twat.
look, the point is,i--i... why would i hurtmy best fr-- second-best friend? no, i think a bit of painis just what james needs to grow spiritually. i should know. you're twisted. hmm, maybe. look, i feeli have to stay away
from the bridealtogether. it's the right thingto do. look, he's smitten. he doesn't knowwhat he wants. i mean... murray, hand. but i'm-- hand, murray. your one hourof self-expression has left us in no doubtas to your feelings.
what do you think? i think you've both beenpretty persuasive, but if tania had beengetting married to someone else, and i didn't break it up, then we wouldn't betogether today. see? but having said that, i wouldn't have broken upa perfectly happy couple just becausei fancied one of them.
touchã‰. graham: i tend to agreewith harry, but for totallydifferent reasons. you can't break upa perfectly happy couple just 'cause youfancy one of them. that's what harryjust said. did he? this keeps on happeningto me in court. i think i'm goingto get disbarred.
i was once in love with this girl. susan. if i had donesomething about it, i probably wouldn't be this sad,desperate barrister with a bunchof loser friends-- no disrespect intended, but i think i agreewith murray on this one. well, that's one all.
so tania's gotthe deciding vote. well, i'm sure you allknow what i think. oh, she's a woman. she doesn't knowwhat she thinks. harry's rightwhen he says you can't go splitting upa perfectly happy couple for no good reason. oh, you can't believea word she says! it's just,"la la la la la!"
[speaking gibberish] but sometimes... well, sometimesit's better to do what your hearttells you rather than whatyou think is right. i vote with murray. she knows. game of pool? i don't carewhat you think.
i have to avoid her. olly, you needa relationship. yeah, like you'd know. your last girlfriend locked you ina cupboard for two days and then dumped you. mmm, and itwas fantastic. woman: murray. hmm.
look, olly,maybe james has changed, ok? but if i can tell thathe's still sleeping around, neither hellnor high water's gonna keep mefrom my path. murray, you're goin'all fundamentalist on me. this isn't gonna belike that episode with kylie, is it? [dance music playing] she still writes.
lawyers' lettersdon't count. woman: murray, baby,how you doing? murray: hi, honey. i love you. anyway,how are you gonna know that jameshasn't changed? 'cause i see things. yeah, well,you used to claim you could seedead people.
i still can. oh, come here, kitty. [door buzzer] well, thatcould be her now, begging,aching for you. i'll be in the kitchenif you need me. sarah: ♪ ta-da ♪ ♪ ta-da ♪ just seen a show,heading off for a drink,
realized we were walkingright past your door. the joys of livingin soho, huh? so will you join us? i can't. i've, um... i've got to de-wormthe cat. mm. oh, no, it's ok, mate.i've got it. yeah, you goand have a good time. i'll take care of it.
hi, james! mm, murray. i'll see you. [cat yowls] well, i thinkthat means you're free. maybe a quick one then. i knowthis great pub. we used to give our cata pill for worms. it's a chronic case.
so how didyou guys meet? did you read about thatsubway crash last summer? well, it wasn't big,except in new york, but it was bloody scary. bloody scary. and i was therein new york just for a week, and i was on that same subway, and i got flattened by a 300-pound man, who decided my lapwas a good crush zone.
that's right. i wentto the hospital, and who wasin the next door room? we were therefor a week, and we talkedabout everything. you know,films that i love. james:that i'd missed. my favorite books... that i hadn't read. great sporting moments,which i hadn't seen.
yeah, yep. wait for meat the bar. hi! the name's sean, and i own the place. just want to check thateverything's satisfactory. yes, it's great. uh, shh, shh. sarah: ...so kind, andhe really looked after me.
james: and on the dayyou were getting out... he proposed, and i foolishlysaid yes. it's crazy. [gagging] look, we've been waitingfor 15 minutes-- excuse me, look, it's a very busy bar. but if you wantthis kind of atmosphere,
stick around. right? excuse me. hello. pastiche. uh, hi, yes,i'd like to talk to a customerof yours. um, he's called james. he's the tall pratin the suit by those shelves. you mean that guyover there?
thanks. man:are you james? yes. call for youat the bar. thanks. hello? sorry i lied about who i wasat the engagement party. forget it. i just wanted to knowwhat you thought of james, you know, beforeyou knew who i was.
oh, you wantedthe opinion of a man who had insultedyour entire family. what was i thinking? well, he's great. yeah, i guess we werejust destined to meet. it's funny how thingswork out. isn't it? judith? that'sa very pretty name. that's a lovely dressyou have on.
see you around maybe. so were youin new york for work? uh-huh. i work for a companythat tests films. she's a director'sworst nightmare. that is so untrue. all we do is analyze what an audiencefeels about a film. that's why so many filmshave their endings changed. james, you'venever even seen one, ok?
he has no interestin films at all. oh, come on. i criedat the end of top gun. you love film. he loves films. why don't you both come toa test-screening tomorrow, huh? i can't.i'm working late. i'd love to,
but i reallyhave to finish this... thing i'm writing. this is fromthat lady over there. she says,"thanks for everything." that's strange. maybe she thinksyou're someone else. what's the drink? man: a slow,comfortable screw. it's lovely.
it's nice. olly: mornin'. yeah, morning. how wasyour late-night drink? oh, not exciting.i was too tired. yeah.you mind if i... thank you. so, same old james? still arrogant,deceitful, and sluttish?
you picked that all upfrom the door? you know, you'rein love with a girl who's marryinga womanizer. i mean, what kind of mate would i beif i didn't warn you? ok, you've warned me. this will bea marriage of misery and lies, and you can stop it. mm. back off.
ooh! what's this? um, she mentioneda film screening. i said no, but she gaveme her number anyway. you said no? it's just too painful.i can't see her again. what are you doing? [dialing] no!
give me that. murray! murray! murray! open the door! [murray talkingon telephone] [hushed] you areso fucking dead. odeon haymarket,8 p.m. you are gonnaphone her up and cancel...now.
ha! memory redial? [pressing buttons] no, sorry.that's gone, too. yeah,so that's happened. look, you can'tlet her down! i mean, she's gonnawait outside for you. odeon haymarket, 8 p.m. [boys will be boysby the ordinary boys playing] ♪ i've had nightsi will never forget ♪
♪ i've had nightsi will always regret ♪ ♪ but i can take iton the chin ♪ ♪ and say,boys will be boys ♪ [kiss] ♪ there's been girlsthat have stolen our hearts ♪ ♪ but their arms simplycouldn't be pried apart ♪ ♪ whoever lets us in'll say,boys will be boys ♪ ♪ boys will be boystill the end ♪ god, i need a drink.
what happened? it was awful. i finally plucked upthe courage to ask out this womani've been defending. and she said no. no, she said yes, and theni lost the case. she might be outin 4 years with good behavior. mike, a drink.
becka: so someoneon the tube you've never metbefore kissed your collar and sprayedperfume on you, and you think it mighthave been a man? [sniffing] are you having an affair? sarah... we're getting marriedin a week.
why would i have an affair? i don't know. i just thinkit's really strange. oh, baby. olly, you betterget your skates on. you'll be latefor sarah. you're meeting sarah? olly: just at work. they're goingto the cinema.
but i thought you weren'tgonna see her anymore. uh-uh-uh-uh!you have to go. go! good luck. oh, murray, i've gota letter from kylie. ah. she's wonanother 50 miles to your exclusion zone. mike, another drink. that's gonna make itchallenging.
woman, in film:♪ amazing grace ♪ ♪ how sweet the sound ♪ ♪ that saved a wretch-- ♪ man: stop the wedding! gretchen, you can't leaveme and little davy this way. he needs you. i need you. gretchen: you do? i love you, gretchen.
davy loves you, too. [arf] i love you, too. [applause and cheering] [organ plays,woman sings] man: if you could alltake the questionnaire and, um, fill it inbefore you leave. so who liked the film? disliked the film?
ok. why don't we starttalking about gordon? anyone have any thoughtsor feelings about gordon? come on. anyone? ellen, what did youthink of gordon? gordon wasa skateboarding champion, and davy wasa comedy-performing dog. how did they meet? interesting.
anyone else haveany thoughts about that? uh... perhaps they metat a... canine skateboardingcomedy convention. [perfect love songby divine comedy playing] so let's jumpto the ending. anyone have anythoughts or feelings on the ending?jim? no? uh,how about ziggy?
i would have likedto have seen davy speak, just a few wordslike, "i love you." ♪ ...and holdonto each other ♪ um, anyone elsewould've liked that? ♪ so we don't fall down ♪ hi, olly. the directoris so excited about davy beingable to talk. he wanted meto thank you.
oh! olly, here. are you ok? you have warm hands. you're totally soaked. oh, it's only my back. my footwas already wet. my front is too dry, so it kind ofevens things up.
oh, check this one out. "how would yourate the film?" "very poor." "would you recommendthis film to your friends?" "yes, definitely." i mean,who'd be his friend? definitemodel psychosis. i can see why jamesasked you to be best man. you are definitelyeasy to be with.
you're very sweet. i had a lovely night, and, uh,apart from the puddle, i had a really great time. me, too. apart from the puddle. good night. "best man speech. "when i first met james..."
erudite. ok, funny, funny... ok, funny--i can do this. so we're going shopping at selfridgesthis afternoon. ah, i'd love to,but i have to work. you've really changed,mate. one weekas the best man, and suddenly you care aboutyour crap, no-hope job.
no, i don't. you do. you knowi hate my job. life. then come. i'll try my best, ok?bye. uh, i've gota power lunch followedby a back-to-back, so i won't be back heretill about 5:00.
and unless anythingurgent turns up, i'm afraidi'm unavailable, but, remember,when i'm not here, you aremission critical. yes? [beep beep] [beep] [series of beeps] [beeping continuously]
excuse me! aah! sarah. this is a coincidence. huge coincidence, since it's 3:00in the sports department, and your flatmate saidto meet you here at 3:00. he did? he did, yes.
he did. he is a sweetie,that murray. you ok? just a spotof shopping. well, thanksfor agreeing to help. no problem. so how can i helpexactly? oh, it'sthis dumb wedding list. james has beenso busy at work,
and i was scared it wasbecoming too girly, and... you do forgetthe first time we met i was wearingwomen's trousers. you were. oi, stan,how's it goin'? hangin' in there, mate.hangin' in there. i need to getsomething from you. always a pleasure,never a pain. yeah. and i gotta usethe phone as well.
yeah, sure.there's a cupper. james: becauseof the negative equity, our year-on-year turnover for the rdb investment loans,of course, is... cell phone, chiming:you have a call. that's me. sorry. [chiming] you have a call. it's probably new york.
[new york accent] yeah, where doyou want the ostrich delivered? ostrich? what are youtalking about? uh, yeah,i got it right here. it's a friendly ostrich,you know, and they tendnot to be so friendly. i think you've gotthe wrong number. thanks, rose. [chiming]♪ ring ring ring ♪
sorry. really sorry. uh, mr. james colyns? i don't have timefor this kind of crap, man. fuck off. stan: as manyas you want, mate. brokers. ha. [chiming]♪ ring ring ♪ oh, for god's sake.
♪ ring ring ♪ recording: the personyou are calling is not available. please hang upand try again-- it's ridiculous. i wishwe could just dump the whole wedding listaltogether. we really don't needanything. i mean, i lovethe romantic image
of the wedding, but.... the reality isa nightmare. marriage should beabout love and respect, not presentsand a good show. oh, it's over this way. but you and jamesare in love. it's that simple. well, if it'sthat simple, what aboutyou and becka?
james said he'snever seen anyone quite so smitten. it was dark, and we hada quick conversation. i thinki had a concussion. becka has hada few bad relationships, but deep down,she's a very good person. no, i'm not sayingi won't like her as a friend. it's just that romanticallyit's not gonna happen.
there wasno lightning bolt. well, actually, there was, but it was the kindyou find in horror movies. well, it doesn'talways happen like that. you don't think so? when you grow up,falling in love becomes moreabout finding someone whose strengthsmatch your weaknesses, who you can spend sunday evenings with,
who you don't mindlying next to every night, if only because it'sinfinitely more bearable than being on your own. no, it doesn't. what do you know? i've been in love. you have? what was it like? some people say that
the ground falls awaybeneath you. but, with me,it was as if i suddenly knewthe ground was there. as though i could feelthe entire planet right there beneath the soles of my feet. although,i felt the same way when i went upthe empire state building. i threw up. can't stand heights.
i mean with the girl. woman:sarah barker. [doorbell rings] hello. i'm from michael mirkenestate agents. james asked meto value the flat. i don't think so. have you gotany i.d.? very clever.
i could be anyone. you know,and it's despicable what peopleget up to these days. gosh,i could be a thief or a mugger or a sexual deviant. looking at you,i very much doubt that, but there's always hope. so james is sellingthe flat, is he?
nice of him to tell me. he hasn't told you? well, i just spoketo him on his mobile. do you want to give him a bell? have you thoughtabout your list at all? yes, i do havea few ideas. oh, good. well, if you'd justlike to come this way, we'll give youa few...
i do. what are youdoing here? woman: what color do you wantthe bridesmaids in? uh, there areno bridesmaids. there's no groom,there's no wedding. this isn't eventhe bridal department. what's happened? is it off? she's already married.
that is enough,olly! i am in a meeting! a meeting? now, one of us is beginning to lookpretty stupid here. see youback at the office. what?! so this is the secondstunning bedroom, boastingcontemporary living.
happy, are they,james and sarah? what's that got to dowith the value of the property? you'd be surprised. en suite bathroom, his and her toilets. that's a bidet. so a french toilet. oh, and wall-mountedmanacles. so, not happy then? if you wantmy opinion,
actually,no, they're not. and thoseare towel rails. fantastic... flat. third bedroom? walk-in cupboard. cupboard? are you an aries? are youan estate agent,
or a cheap astrologer? you know, leaveno stone unturned. i mean,knowledge is power. that's bert and ernie-- sesame street. oh, my feet. oh, will you just dropthe bags right there? thank you.you're an angel, olly. oh, i see you broughtthe charming best man home with you.
spot of shoppingwith the top girl? i didn't know youwere selling the flat. selling the flat? the estate agent. the realtor,he's still here. i'm so confused. james has organizedevaluation for this flat. he never saidanything to me. becka, are you surehe's an estate agent?
yeah, i think so. i left himthrough there. would you godo something? yeah, i'll go. tony? yeah, right, jim. you wait here. sarah:this is so creepy. we should callthe police.
becka: actually,he seemed quite nice. olly: nice? sarah:what did he want? aah. i don't know. he keptasking all these questions about the flat,about who i lived with. in fact, i think he asked memore questions in the time he was herethan my last boyfriend did during an entiretwo-year ordeal.
sarah: really? what did he look like? kinda cute. he had this cheeky,young face, and he ateall our biscuits. all right,i'm going inside. i'm gonna call james. yeah, let's go. oh, no.
it's ok. um, i'm offthe telly, so, yeah. would you type this upfor me, please? yeah, sure. this letteris firing me. yes, and when you finish, bring it throughfor me to sign. i'm not gonna type upmy own dismissal letter.
well, who elsecan do it? i can't do it myself.how would that look? is this because i caught youtrying on a dress for a fictitious wedding? are you even married? do you even havea husband? you have recently madean unofficial excursion, which isspecifically against the termsof your contr--
this is from a catalog. you've been lyingabout being married for 3 years? you're fired, olly. all those pointlesslate nights? i knew you'd take thispersonally. making me feel guilty? control yourself.manage your anger. you didn't even havea husband to go home to.
you're fired!fired, fired, fired! security! endlessly photocopyingmanagement documents, detailing the work ethicof the department! that's me and you! out! you know whatreally gets to me? you even spelledmy name wrong. [snaps pencil]
who are you? security. let me help you. please don't hit me again! i didn't hit you. just leave me alone! look,it was an accident. i'm sure--ohh! you know, i realizedsomething about james today.
he's got no friends. he's entirely friendless,apart from you, and you'resomeone else's friend. ah, he's got chris,who's organizing the stag party. they werein the powers together. uh-huh, and apartfrom power chris? probably got a bunchin america, coming overfor the wedding. how many?
ok, two, but he wantedto keep it small. [chuckles] well, surely, sarahshould be marrying a more popular guy. tania: you can'tcondemn a guy just 'cause he hasn'tgot many friends. graham: actually,uh, you can. case of bridges vs. bridges. uh, the husband losthis house and land
due to a distinctlack of friends. ah! now why can't i remember that stuffin court? becka, i don't knowwhat to do. i don't know with jamesand the whole bar and the perfume. i mean, should i bereading more into this? i tried to get a holdof him all day on his cell,
and he's not picking up. this isbecoming really hard. what's that? these aren't mine. well, i can tell you,they're not mine, either. what are they? it's missing...its bit where it should be. what the hellis going on here?
are you sellingmy apartment? ha! no. are you seeing someone? of course not. sarah, we've got to beat the theater in 20 minutes. have you been drinking? one. just now.what is this?
you're behavingvery strangely. what are these? well, they're a pairof crotchless panties. i know what they are. why do you have them? i don't. [whispering]you have. why are you doing this? doing what? i...
it was a tough dayat work, and i neededa drink. why was your cell phoneturned off all afternoon? because i was gettingreally weird calls. calls? yes. calls about--about an ostrich. what are youinsinuating anyway? this feels like somekind of inquisition. give me your phone.
ah, right. if i give youthis phone, how can i ever trustyou trust me... ever again? if you don't give methe phone, i won't trust youanyway. mm. well,what's it gonna be then? here. give me the phone.
so this ostrich personwas your last phone call, is that right? missed. mm-hmm. [telephone ringsby playing tune] hello. night moves. hi. what do you sell? uh, we sell adult videosand sex toys. well, it seemsthat my fiancã‰e wants to checkon an order.
hold on one second. i'm going out. becka? yeah, we gota special on, mate. uh, rabbit dildos. god. what about the theater? go with your friendfrom the bar, james, or the ostrich! right.
[breathe meby sia playing] sarah: he is sucha fucking asshole. i mean,coming in there late, not havinghis phone turned on? you know, what--what's he thinking? what's he feeling? why isn't he tryingto reassure me? because he's a man, and men are crapwith empathy,
crap with emotion, and only really goodat pretending to work and lying. was thata little harsh? becka, but not all menare like that. trust me,underneath, they are. olly isn't. i was talkingabout men. he might know what'sgoing on with james.
oh, please. he's a pretty perceptive,smart guy. he's a klutz. he's not. well, he is,but he's a cute klutz. sia:♪ ...and breathe me ♪ mm, this'llcheer you up. dana fired me today. she fired you?
for my unauthorized tripto selfridges. olly, i'm sorry. olly:it's my own fault. i chose to leave. who is it who said, "getting firedis nature's way "of telling you you hadthe wrong job in the first place"? she can'tdo that to you.
it's illegal. i think i'm gonnapay her a visit. graham... no, olly,it's illegal. graham,it's a huge relief. now i havethis strange feeling that something good'sgonna come out of it. yeah, like povertyand homelessness. which is not goodif you're trying to pull sarah.
i'm not tryingto pull sarah. hello? sarah! oh-ho. shh. um...wait a second. she wants to ask mesome stuff about james tonight. do i go? graham: well, it's notas if you're trying
to pull her, is it? ok, where and when? hey, guys. sit down. thanks for coming. look, i'm havinga lot of doubts right now about my whole wedding, and i feel like i don't reallyknow who james is anymore, and these...
these weird thingskeep happening. let's just cutto the chase. is jameshaving an affair? there's probably somereally simple explanation. has he hadan affair before? he had a certain reputationin college, but that was way back. james wants to marry you. that's what matters.
why don't i feelthat's all that matters? what about what i want? what do you want? murray? why--why is he calling you? what's he saying? bye. you're making mevery nervous. um, murray let meinto a little secret.
a secret that i think you should havetold me about. do you knowwhat it might be? i don't want youto say anything. i want you to come with us. you know that murray.i mean, he's... this is my house. not a word. surprise!
[cheering] happy birthday, olly! hey, guy,happy birthday. get over here, mate. happy birthday, mate. murray, you idiot,it's not my birthday. we all know that,but sarah doesn't. all she knows is you're one heckof a popular guy.
i'm sarah. who areall these people? they're regular people,they're our people. you know, pimps,prostitutes, thieves. put the vase down. surprise. unbelievable. oh, it'salways fantastic to... to meet someoneout of the field,
so to speak. um...becka. this is olly.olly, becka. we already knoweach other. that's evenmore unbelievable. what are the chancesof that? uh, so what can i get you,beer, wine? becka:no, thanks. can we havesome music, please?
[jerk it outby caesars playing] this isone of my favorites! like to dance? i'm quite the dancer. i've been toldi got the moves. ♪ i'll be runnin' circlesaround you ♪ ♪ sooner than you know ♪ ♪ a little off centerand i'm out of tune... ♪ what happened to you?
at the flat,where'd you go? it was a fantastic flat. well,where did you go? this is wonderful. what a great bunchof friends you have. i haven't seen them...for years. big issue? ♪ ...then you jerk it out ♪ oh, uh, yes.
i never hada surprise party. it's my first. ♪ shut up,hush your mouth ♪ do you mind if i dancewith the birthday boy? it's just that he'sthe only man in the room who can reallycut the mustard. ♪ no, i can't hear nothing ♪ ♪ 'cause i got my headup in the clouds ♪ you didn't tell meshe was so gorgeous.
i can't believeyou're in on this. ♪ chasing cars up and downthe avenue ♪ ♪ but that's ok ♪ ♪ because it's easyonce you know how it's done ♪ ♪ you can't stop now,it's already begun ♪ ♪ you feel itrunnin' through your bones ♪ [slower song playing] let's do thisabout james. mm-mmm.
mmm! "please put the cross "next to each of the wordsand phrases below "that you think describesthe film/james "that you've just seen. entertaining." sometimes. "leaves you feeling good." "well-acted."
i'm not convinced. uh-uh. "boring/dull." too work-focused. i'm gonna write that in. there's no categoryfor that. "different/original." "good action." yes, i guess.
yes? oh. "not funny enough." "confusing." very. "believable." "not my kind of film." he cannot be describedas a box office success. ohh, becka. ohh...
ok, guys, bye-bye. nice party. take care. have you seen becka? no. she must have left. guess she waspretty drunk. i had a great time. yeah. me, too. olly, sarah's gonnacall off the wedding. i don't knowwhat to do. i...
i can't lose her. i love her, you know. you've got to help me. sorry. i can't,and i won't. olly: murray,get off the phone. james, yeah,of course i'll help. can you meet me? yeah, ok. when?
um...after work today. can you believe it? it's official. i'm a genius. wait.you did this? well, if theywere so in love, then how come a fewlittle complications split them up? what did you do?
look, it's obvious. james is a shag-aholic. i just couldn'tcatch him on the job. well, that's no reason to... olly, you'rean amazing person. you're a special person. stop the performance. this isn'ta performance. this is the real muzz.
olly,you deserve the best, and sarah is the best. and if you'rein love with her, and i know you are, then all i've doneis given her space to see how fantasticyou are. what were you thinkin'? james loves sarah,and i'm his best man. it's not about you and me.
well, i wasthinking of you, and if that's wrong,well, then i'll leave. bollocks. go on.go then. ok, soi bloody hate james, and this has beena very cathartic process for me. becka. murray, did you organizethe crotchless panties? and the slow,comfortable screw? and the ostrich?
i've hadenough of this. i have to go. suit yourself.i've done it for you. who was the manon the tube with the perfumeand the lipstick? me. you have beena naughty... naughty boy. i have.
thanks for comin'. you all right? oh, man. so why did you and sarahfall in love in the first place? i'm good-looking. i'm charming. but she was injured, and you lookedafter her, right? yeah, yeah.
but she'snot injured now. which means... you're not suggestingi get her injured, are you? in new york,you cared about her. you showed her that you loved her, right? when was the last timeyou did that? you know, you gotta thinklike bogart in casablanca, gable in gone with the wind. tom cruisein top gun?
yeah. yes,i'm with you. so what does cruise dowhen goose bangs his head? well, he washesout of top gun, and the iceman wins. what about the girl? well, he goes backto the ship, and he hasthis really cool dogfight where he killsa couple of ruskies. what's this got to do with sarah?
he leaves the girl. but sarah's leaving me. yeah, but he loves the girl,but he leaves her. you're cracking up. sarah's not surethat you love her. of course, i do. ok, but she doesn'tbelieve it. why not? because you'renot seeing her for her,
as an individual. oh, god. how do i do that? you leave, not becauseyou don't love her, which, for the record, you do morethan any man ever did. because you can't livewith even the possibility that she doesn'tfeel the same.
before you go,you write her a letter. a letterwhich tells her everything she wantsto hear and more. i deliver it. yes, she reads it. just in time for herto race to the airport and stop yougetting on the plane. do you think it'll work? well, you only knowhow much you love someone
when you lose them. you're a genius. now go write it. mmm, yes. james: "dear..." olly: "sarah." "dear sarah..." how would younormally start a letter? "following up previousconversation on the 16th..."
no, you're not extendingher overdraft. "uh, dear sarah... "now that i knowyou don't love me, "i have decidedto leave town. "i only want you to be happy. "before i go,i just want to say..." at which point, you tell herhow much you love her. are you sure you don'twant to write this? look, i have a confession.
i'm not really a writer. look, i'mjust a p.a., ok? you're not a writer? so you deceived me. well, what aboutmy best man speech? it's hardly relevantat the moment, but, uh... for the record,it's not good. so what do we do?
look at me. look at me.relax your jaw. now, what firstattracted you to sarah? be honest. her father's money. that's a joke, right? honestly... i found herto be beautiful. she'sa beautiful person, yes.
maybe a little more soulful. i like... the smell of her hair. even more soulful. i love the smellof her hair. no, you say you likethe smell of her hair, what you'rereally saying is that you like her shampoo coupled with the factthat she uses it regularly.
i can't do this. come on! there's tonsof things to like about sarah. such as? i'm not the one who's supposedto be in love with her. you are. pretend you are. what about when shetakes off her shoes and wiggles her toes? i've never noticed,but...
that's good. what aboutwhen she's up running one of her discussion groups, and she looks likeshe owns the whole world? i've never been to one. or the way her hips movewhen she dances? oh, yeah, i love that. or her warm hands? although sometimes theycan get a bit sweaty.
ok, but don't writethat last bit. what about the waywhen she-- slow down, slow down. no, no, you do it. no, i... please. what about the wayshe can argue about absolutely nothing and still win you 'roundto her point of view?
look, i'm just gonnapop out for coffee. are you... no, you go. be right back. ok? the polyphonic spree:♪ light and day ♪ ♪ is morethan you'll say ♪ ♪ 'cause all my feelings ♪ ♪ are morethan i can let by ♪ ♪ or not ♪
♪ more than you've got ♪ ♪ just follow the day ♪ ♪ follow the day ♪ finished! ♪ and reach for the sun ♪ i think you'll like it. yeah, i'll see you. all right. bye. excuse me?
yes, what can i get you? um...tap water. ♪ one more, you're nuts ♪ ♪ just follow the seasonsand find the time ♪ ♪ reachfor the bright side ♪ [urinating] ♪ you don't see meflyin' to the red ♪ ♪ just follow the day... ♪ olly, this is wonderful.
it's really very tender. ♪ reach for the sun ♪ it's all yours now. thanks, olly. she will. don't worry.it's in safe hands. here. take the car. you're the best manin my court. go on.go, go, go, go, go.
♪ you don't see meflying to the red ♪ [rings doorbell] letter from james. oh, i see. shall i makesome coffee? would you mind? oh, i'm in shock. i had no idea. i can't believe thisis the same person.
well, sometimes writingbrings out the, you know, different sidein someone. do you knowwhere he is? yeah, he, uh... he mentionedsomething about, um... a flight to new yorkearly this morning. we have to stop him. come on! there he is.
james! james! james! oh, my god,i got your letter. i was gonnaget on the plane. i don't want you to leave.i want to m-- james: olly! car keys. [pain on pain by feeder playing] ♪ stay ♪
♪ for life ♪ ♪ all you discover ♪ ♪ this moment together ♪ ♪ to heal yourself ♪ ♪ love can heal ♪ ♪ can't watch you fall ♪ i did the right thing,didn't i? ♪ pain on pain... ♪ i'm not sure.
behold the symbolof wedlock-- the perfect circleof love, the unbroken union of this man and this woman, united here today. may you bothremain faithful to the symbolof true... sorry. um...hm! hi.
uh, olly? could i havea word? obviously when you'vefinished the rehearsal. why is heat my rehearsal? and your deejayfor tonight, muzza mc. well? do you want to knowwhy i'm here? not really. 'cause i know something.
i knewyou'd been plotting. something the bridewould not want to hear. stop right there. something thatwould make it certain she'd not wantto marry the groom. i don'twant to hear it. like the fact that heshagged someone recently. [amplified]fuck-- [feedback]
you're lying.who then? i can't say. i know you'redoing this for me, but i don't wantto hear it anymore. i don't knowwhere you've been for the last 24 hours,but it's been bliss, so just leave me alone. well, enjoythe happy day... 'cause you're on your own.
[sigh] i'm sorry, um... i was just... nerves, huh? kind of. i'll, uh... stay a second. it's beautiful woodthey use in these booths. olly, um...
do you have anythingyou want to tell me? anything at all? promise? yeah, i promise. ok, uh, do you wantthe good news or the bad news? bad news. right, uh... well, you're still fired.
the good news? i've got a date... with dana! uh? hmm? good news. yes, good news. yes, great news. she's lovely,isn't she? she's certainly...
so tell me,what's she like? what's she like? you haven't hada thing with her, have you? no, no, no. ok. ok. look, i gotta go. well, havea great stag. whoo-hoo! come on, olly!get in the game!
[lager 'n' limeplaying] come on already,olly! let's getthese suckers movin'! [laughter] james: come on, olly! you're right! whoo! whoo-hoo-hoo! so it's great, eh?
now, look,strictly speaking, this isa no-alcohol venue, but i've snuck in... a little something. whoa! all: ♪ daddy won,daddy won, daddy won ♪ ♪ daddy won, daddy won,daddy won ♪ ♪ daddy won ♪ hey, hey!
you've been drinking alcoholin an unlicensed area. who's the groom? he is. i am, yeah. i suggest you comequietly, sir. [laughter, shouting] olly, come on! you're missingthe best of it. it's kind of tragic,
but i'm just notreally into it. ah, i get it.publicly disciplined, privately,pretty sexy, eh? james? you haven't... slept with anyone since you've beenwith sarah, have you? slept with? i shaggedfor 24 hours
when sarah went to her screeningin liverpool, though. so what if i did? olly, you're a sweet guy, but you'remissing the point. these things happenin relationships. but they shouldn't. sarah would bethe first to admit that she can't give meeverything i need. she's from good stock,she's intelligent,
she's not bad looking, but, come on,you know me. you know me. i'm not a one-woman man. she deserves better. so, what?you're gonna tell her? you're gonnamake her miserable? you're gonna make me beg for forgiveness? come on, olly. hmm?
you're my best man,this is my stag night, i'm gettingmarried tomorrow. i mean, just relax, have a good time. and you can be firstwith the stripper after me. you know, there wasa time when i thought that doin' nothin'was the right thing, but not anymore. oh, right, so you writea letter to sarah, a poncy letter,
and she falls for it. big deal. you're pathetic, olly,do you know that? you talk about lying, and you're not evena bloody writer, which is the one reasonwhy i hired you. hired me? yeah, well,you know what i mean. yeah, i knowexactly what you mean.
olly... you wouldn't dare. [church bells chiming] hey, hey. hoo-hah! [equipment humming] [maintenance manwhistling] hey! h-- hello!
[whistling] oh, not again! no, no, please!please don't go! what is itwith you perverts? city finance doesn't havethe same thrills anymore? what?look, no, no, no, i've been assaultedand put here. yeah. yeah, that'swhat they all say, down to the rubber suit.
no, i mean, undo me,please. that's disgusting. no, no, no,i mean my hands. i'm cuffed. mate, what do youtake me for? those areonly pretend cuffs. they are? ah, they should putthe real ones on you, mate. ha ha ha!
can yousmell alcohol? jesus! muzz, it's me. olly, i'm so gladyou've called me. well, you were rightabout james. i'm sorry. no, you were right. look, i made upall the stuff about james shagging. i'm the zen masterof grudge-bearing,
but james is notthe utter prat that i thought he was. no, he is.he was shagging. no, look,i have to grow up. look, please, murray... sarah can't marry james. she can't? no. you're right. he is an utter prat.
he is? are you goingto ruin james' day? i love her. you've gotto help me, murray. i'll do it. say, how long to get meto richmond? richmond? about an hour,if you're lucky. shoot, i've only gothalf an hour. half-hour?if i was you, mate,
i would swim. minister: if anyone knowsof any reason why these two may not bejoined together today, let them speak now or foreverhold their peace. what was that?! someone said something. did they? if you've gotanything to say,
perhaps you'd liketo share it with us. [man clears throat] i was talkingto my wife. you were talkingto your wife? what was so interesting that you thought it was worthinterrupting a wedding for? i-- no, stand up, please,so we can all hear. i said, wouldn'tit be funny
if someone didactually say something? i think we can allsee the irony there. can't we? stellastarr: ♪ i'll runaway with you ♪ ♪ we can builda gold mine ♪ well, uh, carry on,your honor. um... ♪ i'll bethe truth for you ♪ ♪ home life, no life... ♪
minister: we'll try again.sorry. if anyone knowsof any, uh... um, justto double-check... james and sarah, you're both... uh, happyto carry on? we're fine. i'm fine. thank you, murray.
♪ we can buildour own world ♪ i, james edward colyns... ♪ we can run awayfrom ourselves ♪ ♪ if we knewwho we were ♪ john? who the bloody hellare you? shit. sorry. it's...wrong church. who's john?
♪ livin' without you ♪ ♪ blue eyes ♪ ♪ blue hair ♪ ♪ not gonna leavehere without you ♪ must be. i, sarah marie barker... aah! oh! oh! oh! ah! oh, damn.
ohh! oh! oh, it's my heart! [gasping] ohh! aah! aah! oh! aah! aah! aah! aah! oh! oh! ohh! oh! oh! oh! man: somebody shoulddo something for him.
james: get that clownout of here! can we geton with it, please? if, uh, someone has... yes, we'vedone this bit. sorry, sorry. what's happenedto you? journey wasa nightmare. am i too late? no, it's worth a shot.
it's a tough crowdin there. wish me luck. go, man, go. have i missed the partwhere you ask if anyone'sgot something to say? yes, but we cango back if you like. we're getting goodat it. i need to speakto you in private. olly, you are makinga huge tit of yourself.
i love you, sarah. i've been in lovewith you-- why haven't yousaid this before? i thought jameswas in love with you. i thought he was the better man, but he's not. james is not rightfor you. how do you know? because...
i know what it feels liketo really be in love. it feelsas if all the chaos and strangenessof the world makes completeand utter sense... for the simple reasonthat you're in it. wh-- you wrote the letter? because i didn't knowhe'd been cheating on you. that's ridiculous.
who? you?! god, no. but i thinkit might be her, his secretary. but i didn't tell anyone. shut up.just shut up. she's a twisted bitch,and she's lying. what about me?
james, don't! get off me! olly, you... minister: if anyone knowsof any lawful impediment why these twomay not be married, let them speak nowor forever hold their peace. thank god for that. wilt thou have this womanfor thy wedded wife? so let'sraise our glasses
to murray and becka. belle and sebastian:♪ if you find yourself ♪ ♪ caught in love ♪ ♪ say a prayerto the man above ♪ ♪ thank himfor everything you know ♪ ♪ you should thank him ♪ ♪ for every breathyou blow ♪ ♪ if you find yourselfcaught in love ♪ ♪ thank himfor every day you pass ♪
♪ for savingyour sorry ass ♪ ♪ if you're single,but lookin' out ♪ ♪ you must raise your prayerto a shout ♪ ♪ another partnermust be found ♪ ♪ someone to takeyour life beyond ♪ ♪ another tv"i love 1999" ♪ ♪ just one more boxof cheapo wine ♪ ♪ but if you don't listento the voices ♪ ♪ then, my friend, you'llsoon run our of choices ♪
♪ what a pityit would be ♪ ♪ 'cause you talk of freedom,don't you see? ♪ ♪ the only freedom thatyou'll ever really know ♪ ♪ is written in booksfrom long ago ♪ ♪ give up your will to himthat loves you ♪ ♪ things will change ♪ ♪ i'm not saying overnight ♪ ♪ you've gottastart somewhere ♪ [dog barking]
stop the wedding! i need you. you do? davyloves you, too ♪ ...shed a tearfor the one you love ♪ ♪ tell your bossthat you've gone away ♪ ♪ and down your toolsfor a holiday ♪ ♪ but if you'regoin' off to war ♪ ♪ then i wish you well ♪
♪ but don't be sore ♪ ♪ if i cheer the other team ♪ ♪ 'cause killing people'snot my scene ♪ ♪ i prefer to givethe inhabitants a say ♪ ♪ before you blowtheir town away ♪ ♪ i like to watch them play ♪ ♪ i like to marvel ♪ ♪ at the random beautyof a simple village girl ♪ ♪ why should she be the onewho's killed? ♪
[instrumental music playing] captioning made possible bylions gate entertainment captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--
