watch now! detail...
[imam praying] [hubbub] listen to me! killing a few hostagesis not sufficient. the americans mustbe made to suffer. we must humiliate them! you do not go far enough,general amin. we must riptheir entrails out and drag themfrom here to damascus
until they include usin the peace process. no! nonsense! this solution is notbold enough for libya. i say wipe out washingtonand new york. what? and spoil three yearsof good public relations! i have the americansbelieving i am a nice guy. in some of their polls, i am more popularthan their president. gentlemen! gentlemen!
[hubbub stops] this is gettingus nowhere. if we do nothing elsethis week, we must conceive at leastone terrorist act that will show all the world that the united states,the great satan, is but a paper tiger, a weak nation of weak people! a people ripe for destruction!
cowards, no longerwilling to fight! [hissing] argh! [gasping] [squeaking] i knew it! yaaarrgghhh! ooh-oww! man: hey, who are you?
i'm lieutenant frank drebin,police squad. and don't ever let me catchyou guys in america. oh! maaaahhhhh! [siren] hey! oh! watch out! whoa! watch out! aah! [people screaming]
[service bell dings] man: 38, 39, 40.it's all here. 2nd man: this completesour first shipment of heroin-- 100% pure. 3rd man: it betterbe, all 40 kilos. 2nd man: final shipmentwill be delivered in 3 days. then we'll expectpayment. 3rd man:don't worry. police!throw down your guns!
[door opens] kill him. agh! [sizzling] oh, no! reporter: it's a great dayfor americans everywhere. this man is loved... look! i thinkthat's his plane! that's his plane!
reporter: ...he takesa typical airline dinner. there he is! [fans cheering] no, no flowers,thank you. welcome home, frank.good work in beirut. we all heardwhat you did. thank you, ed. i justwant to know one thing. is it true what youwrote me about victoria? i'm afraid so,frank.
she just ran offwith some guy. they got marriedlast week. then it's over. it's all over.all of this is meaningless. i did it for her. i did everythingfor her, and now she's gone. and you, you came down hereto get the hot story, didn't you? pictures of me to sellyour lousy newspapers.
uh, frank-- sure, you thinki'm a big hero. the man of the hour. well, do any of youunderstand how a man can hurt inside? frank, frank-- they're not herefor you. weird al yankovicis on the plane. what about the wedding?what was she wearing?
don't torture yourself,frank. just put herout of your mind. i can't get herout of my mind. what about the guy? you know anythingabout him? not much. just that he'san olympic gymnast, and it's the best sexshe's ever had. [crash]
i trusted her, followed my heart,foolishly, it seems. just gonna haveto learn to forget. that's why i took myvacation in beirut, to get herout of my mind, to find some peace. it's not goingto be easy. everywhere i look, something reminds meof her.
maybe it's just that copsand women don't mix. what about nordberg? i came as soonas i heard. he's alive, frank,though he's on life support. doctors say he's gota 50-50 chance of living, though there's onlya 10% chance of that. [clanging] [monitors beeping] mrs. nordberg,
i think we can saveyour husband's arm. where would youlike it sent? oh, frank, i'm so gladyou came. wilma, it's goodto see you. i cameas soon as i heard. thank you, frank. where's nordberg? he's right here, frank. right.
nordberg, it's me,frank, your buddy. i'll get it.wait a minute. oh! get the switchon the bottom of the bed! nordberg? it's me--frank. now who did thisto you? i...love you. i love you too,nordberg.
who were they? ship...boat. that's right,nordberg, a boat. when you're better, we'll go sailingtogether on a boat. we'll take a cruisejust like last year. no. drugs. hey, nurse, givethis man some drugs. can't you seehe's in pain?
no. no. heroin! heroin, frank! nordberg, that'sa pretty tall order. you're gonna have to give mea couple of days on that one. [wilma sobbing] oh, oh, my poornordberg. he was such agood man, frank. he never wantedto hurt anyone. who would dosuch a thing?
well, it's hard to tell. could be a rovinggang of thugs, a blackmailer,an angry husband, a gay lover. [wilma wails] frank, get aholdof yourself. a good cop... needlessly cut downand ambushed by some cowardlyhoodlum.
that's no way for a man to die. yeah, you're right, ed. a parachute not opening--that's a way to die. getting caught inthe gears of a combine, having your nuts bit offby a laplander-- that's the wayi wanna go. oh, frank! oh! thisis terrible! don't you worry, wilma.
your husband is goingto be all right. don't you worryabout anything. just think positive. never let a doubtenter your mind. he's right, wilma, but i wouldn't waituntil the last minute to fill out thoseorgan donor cards. [sobbing] what i'm tryingto say is that, wilma,
as soon as nordbergis better, he's welcome backat police squad. unless he's a droolingvegetable. but i think that's onlycommon sense. [wails] wilma, can you thinkof any reason that nordberg was atthe waterfront last night? no... but i found thisat home...
in a drawer. a photograph. "i luv you,"out of caracas. a panamanian ship. frank, when nordbergsaid "i love you," he was telling youthe name of the ship. i realize that... now. we'd bettercheck this out.
i want every availableman on this. i can't spareanybody, frank. you know we're in chargeof security for queen elizabeth's visit.i'm short-handed already. wilma, i promise you,whatever scum did this, not one man on thisforce will rest for one minute untilhe's behind bars. now let's graba bite to eat. yeah, come on,wilma.
...that due tothe extraordinary efforts of someof our civic leaders, queen elizabeth has includedthe city of los angeles as one of the 3 citiesshe will visit during her american tour. mayor barkley, will thecity hire additional security officersfor the police force during the queen'svisit? we have placedthe queen's security
in the hands ofpolice squad, a special divisionof the police department, represented here todayby lieutenant frank drebin. [applause] thank you,your honor. protectingthe safety of... louder! [microphone static] [thump thump]
you can usemy radio mike. thank you. ahem. [loud snort] protecting the safetyof the queen is a task that's gladly acceptedby police squad, for no matterhow silly the idea of having a queenmight be to us, as americans,we must be gracious
and consideratehosts. thank you,lieutenant drebin. of course, we all havea stake in seeing that this portion of thequeen's american goodwill tour is completed successfully and we can all take pride thatthe queen has chosen our city-- [loud unzipping] [urine splashing,frank grunting and sighing]
indeed, it--it isfor all the people... [urinating continues] ...who will be able to share in the, uh, celebration... frank: urgghh! especially... [frank humming] will be the queen's...public appearances. [hummingand urinating]
♪ river... ♪ ♪ la da dum ♪ ♪ hmm hmm mmph ♪ [splashing] [dripping] [dripping stops] um, we also would like-- [loud splashing,humming] [whistling]
[heavysplashing] [splattering] frank: whoops! uh-oh. [grunting] [farting] [frank singing] frank: ed and idrove down to the docks where nordberghad been found
floating face-downin the water. in a case wherethere are no leads, you have to start somewhere, and that somewherewas the harbor area. [bullhorn]please disperse. please disperse. there's nothingfor you to see here. keep moving. where'd they findnordberg at?
right out there,frank. you want to takea dinghy? no, no, i took care of thatat the press conference. it doesn't make sense, you know. good policeman,bright future-- something like thishappens. he was found bythe night watchman. we better do somechecking around. i'm gonna talkto the harbormaster.
i'll walk around the docks,take a snoop. yeah? lieutenant drebin,police squad. oh, i remember you, drebin.what do you want? i wanna ask yousome questions. are you familiarwith that face? i don't know.my memory ain't so great. oh, yeah? maybe this'llrefresh your memory.
i don't know,it's still kinda hazy. how about this? yeah, i remember him.why do you wanna know? i can't tell you that. well, maybe this'll help. i really don't thinki should. yeah, you stilldon't think so? all right, his name isnordberg. he's a cop. he was no cop,he was dealin' "h."
what?! i'm tellin' you,he was dirty. oh, you sniveling scum. i oughta run you inright now. all right, all right,he worked at ludwig shipping. he tried to push something onone of my boys, i swear it. so what are you gonna doabout it, copper? why should itell you? maybe this'll help.
i still don't thinki should tell you. can you spot me a 20?how about now? all right. i'm goingdown to ludwig's office. i'll find out if you'retelling the truth. frank: vincent ludwigpresided over one of the largestcorporations in the city. a respected businessmanand civic leader, the mayor had chosen himto be the chairman of the queen'sreception committee,
and now i was getting readyto question him about drugsand attempted murder on his own docks. [pop] mr. ludwig? yes? lieutenant drebinto see you, sir. show him in. [splash]
lieutenant. the feelingis mutual. nice to meet you too. uh, cuban? uh, no.dutch-irish. my fatherwas from wales. oh. sit down. a magnificent office youhave here, mr. ludwig.
thank you, thank you,lieutenant. most of the objectsin this room i have collected over a periodof many years. a gainsborough,ming vases... priceless. they are objects which i feel reflectmy personality, like the japanesefighting fish. beautiful,graceful, elegant,
yet single-mindedof purpose and deadly when itfinds what it wants. this particular oneis valued at over $20,000. a luxury item,to be certain, but as you can see, i am a man who appreciatesthe finer things in life. oh, this. this is a raresamurai pen, a gift fromemperor hirohito.
unbreakable. impervious toeverything but water. its valueis beyond estimation. that's fascinating. but i'm sure you didn'tpay me this visit to hear a lectureon fine art, lieutenant. to what do i owethe honor? i'm investigatingthe attempted murder of oneof your dockworkers, a mannamed nordberg,
a police officer. he's still alive, then? he was shot 6 times. fortunately, the bullets missedevery vital organ, and the salt water preserved himuntil he was found. so they were able to-- so they were able to get himto the hospital in time? yes. he's inthe intensive care ward at our lady of theworthless miracle.
well, this certainly comes asa shock to me, lieutenant. but as you know,i am not the kind of man who takes this type of thinglightly. there is no roomin my organization... [snap] ...for any typeof criminal activity. look out there. a vast commercialdevelopment built by me. do you have any idea
what was out therejust 5 years ago? [crunch] yaah! you bet you do--orange groves, acres of them,as far as the eye could see. but now, of course, that land is able to generate 10 times the amount of profitper square foot. [squelch]
are you all right,lieutenant? let me get yousome kleenex. has this officer-- uh, what's his name--nordberg? been able to tell youanything? uh...well, of course, he hasn't been able totell us a thing so far, but as soon as he regainsconsciousness... we'll see if he canstill play guitar.
i beg your pardon? i've taken up too muchof your time already. i'd like to look at youremployment records now and speak to someonein personnel, if you don't mind,of course. of course. dominique, will you pleasesend in miss spencer? yes, sir. as you know, i am quite busy
making last-minutearrangements for the royal visit. i'll have my assistant provideyou with anything you need. you've beenvery cooperative. i'll make a note ofthat in my report. my pleasure. ah, miss spencer, this is lieutenantfrank drebin from police squad.
hello, mr. drebin. hello. [bump bump bump thud] frank: her hairwas the color of gold in old paintings. she had a full setof curves and the kind of legs you'dlike to suck on for a day. she was giving me a looki could feel in my hip pocket. [thud]
yep... this was startingto get interesting. nice beaver. i just had itstuffed. let me help youwith that. this should be what you'relooking for, lieutenant-- shipping and employmentrecords for pier 32. i've heard police workis dangerous. it is. that's whyi carry a big gun.
aren't you afraidit might go off accidentally? i used to havethat problem. what did you do about it? i just thinkabout baseball. hey, that's a honey of an anklebracelet you have there. oh, did it slipdown there again? yes, well... i'll go through thisas fast as i can and get them back toyou tomorrow maybe.
that would be fine...but there's no rush. i mean, wheneveryou're through. i wish there was some wayi could repay you. uh... how about dinner? i know this littleout-of-the-way place that servesgreat viking food. that's quitea tempting offer, lieutenant, but i'm afraid i'm gonna haveto get my rest this evening, tomorrow beingarbor day and all.
oh, of course. well,perhaps some other time. how about a rain check? well, let's juststick to dinner. thank you for your help,miss spencer. well? oh, mr. ludwig!you startled me. i'm sorry, my dear. i just wantedto know if you got the lieutenantwhat he wanted.
yes, i gave him copiesof the files for pier 32. good. that's good. he's an intriguingfellow, this lieutenantdrebin, don't you think? oh, well,i don't know. i've only just met him.he seems very nice. jane, i realize thisis an unusual request, but if there issomething illegal
going onin this company, i need to knoweverything about it so we can root outany wrongdoers. that's whyi want you to, well, to get to know lieutenant drebina little better, find out what he knows. mr. ludwig, don't you think this is best handledby the police? but we are letting thepolice handle it, my dear,
but this company needs toknow the facts quickly before anything getsinto the newspapers. don't forget, i havea responsibility to the stockholders. well...if youput it that way, i mean, i--yes,i'll do my best. that's better. i'm sure you will.
frank: it wasabout 4 p.m. when i returnedto police squad. i figured to stop byand see what the lab boys had come up withon nordberg's jacket, the one they'd foundon the docks. you can tell a lotfrom fiber samples if they aren't too wet, and i was hoping in this casewe wouldn't come up dry. hey, look out!
police! halt! [screaming] anybody catchthe license plate? anybody get a lookat the driver? woman: get outof the way! uh, take the names ofeverybody here for questioning. uh, i got to get,uh... inside. man: did you seewhat happened?
no, i didn't. woman: aah! ed, ted, you gotthose fiber samples? shh, we got someaction here. what's up? testing that newanti-graffiti wall. looks like we've gota few customers. it's set to react when thespray hits the sensors. you guysare crazy...
you've done it again.mazel tov. good work, ted. what willyou lab boys think up next? now that youmention it, here's something we developedonly yesterday. to the casual observer,an ordinary shoe. but, in actuality... it makes quitea handy weapon. and everything a copin the field would need. we call itthe swiss army shoe.
that's great, ted. whatabout the fiber samples? let me just show youone more thing, frank. do you see thesecuff links i'm wearing? they're notjust cuff links. each one fires a singlepin-sized dart that knocks outyour victim for a few minutes, but does nopermanent damage. here, let me demonstrateon ed. ted...
why? don't worry. he'll be upand around in no time. why don't youtake a pair, frank? well, actually i could useanother pair of cuff links. good. i thinkyou'll like them. you want this, chief? yes, thank you, al. you've got somethingon the side of your mouth, al. no, no,the other side.
as you requested,frank, we took some fiber samplesfrom nordberg's jacket. i'm afraid itdoesn't look good. what do you mean? take a lookfor yourself. i...i can'tsee anything. use youropen eye, frank. oh, yeah,i can see it now. at first glance,it would appear to be
only the normalcotton fibers. but when we focusedin closer we discovered a fine white powder. [glass breaks] we tested it.pure heroin. how well do you knownordberg, frank? we were partnersfor 9 years, and he's my best friend. i know, frank,but we can't allow
personal feelings to getin the way of duty. are you sayingthat nordberg is-- i'm telling you thatthe queen arrives here the day after tomorrow. if the press shouldpick this up with nordberg stillpart of the force, it could be embarrassingto the police and the city.i'm sorry, frank, i'm giving you 24 hoursto clear nordberg.
a mr. pahpshmiris here. is there something wrong,mr. ludwig? no, no, no.it's nothing. then may we get downto business? certainly.please have a seat. i can carry outyour request. my priceis $20 million. price is not a problem. but there is some concern
on the part of thosei represent that you wouldbe able to complete so difficult a task. tell me, mr. pahpshmir, in all the world, who is the mosteffective assassin? well, i would thinkanyone who manages to conceal his identityas an assassin. yes...
but there is evena more ideal assassin. [buzz] one who doesn't knowhe's an assassin. care for some tea? yes, please. dominique,service for 2, please. [beep beep beep] i must kill pahpshmir. [click click click]
[beep] will that be withcream and sugar, sir? mr. pahpshmir? cream only, please. oh, there's a gunon the floor, sir. oh, just leave it there. it's all right, dominique.the tea, please. tell me,mr. pahpshmir, have you ever seensensory-induced hypnosis?
i think i just have. but how will you get hernear the target? oh, i doubt whetherit will be her. good secretaries are so hard to findthese days. and it seems to me... anyone... can be an assassin. frank:i had 24 hours
to come up with something that would clearmy good friend's name. i decided to returnto the hospital with ludwig'sshipping records to see if i could jognordberg's memory. oh, dr. alford,i have mrs. kepley's chart if you're ready to go over it. i'll be with you wheni finish with mr. nordberg. yes, doctor.
have you outof here-- [beeping] i'd like to seeofficer nordberg. all right, i'll needyou to sign in-- wait a minute. where's the police officer whowas on guard at that door? oh, lieutenant drebin calledand sent him home. lieutenant drebin? i must kill nordberg.
i mustkill nordberg. drebin, police squad! let go of that pillow! ugh! ohh... [horn honks] hey! hey! medical emergency! [honk]
follow that black car! the car!follow that car! all right, stephanie,check your mirror. signal. now pull into traffic. ease offon the brake. give ita little gas. i know a short cut.turn left here. easy.
turn right! follow himto the right! it's ok. normally, you wouldnot be going 65 down the wrong wayof a one-way street. ohh! apply the brakes. now put it in reverse. you dumb broad! all right, stephanie, gently extend your arm.
extend your middle finger. very good. well done. go for it, stephanie. yeah. [honk honk] aaaahhhh! ohhh, no-o-o! oh, my god! excuse me.excuse me.
all right, move on!nothing to see here! please disperse! nothing to see here!please! the attempton nordberg's life left me shakenand disturbed. and all the questionskept coming up over and over again, like bubblesin a case of club soda. who was this characterin the hospital?
why was he tryingto kill nordberg? and for whom? did ludwig lie to me? i didn't have any proof, but somehow i didn'tentirely trust him, either. why was the "i luv you" notlisted in ludwig's records? and if it was,did he know about it? and if he didn't,who did? [jungle animal noises]
and where the hell was i? it was almost midnightwhen i got to my door. i just wanteda glass of bosco and thenslip under my blankets. but my nightwas just about to begin. ooh! you're late. that depends onwhat i'm late for. you said we shouldhave dinner sometime.
tonight became...sometime. i'm boiling a roast. how hot and wetdo you like it? very hot... and awfully wet. you seem to know your wayaround the kitchen. i'm just as handy inother rooms of the house. that shirtlooks familiar.
it's yours. i didn't want to getstained or wrinkled, at least... not yet. do you mind if i slip into somethingmore comfortable? there... i hope you broughtyour appetite. i brought everything.
well, then... dig in. [thunder] hmm, interesting. almost as interestingas the photographs i saw today. i was young.i needed the work. no, no. they were takendown at ludwig's docks. a ship came in,a panamanian ship. it wasn't onludwig's records.
probably an oversight. how's your, um... meat? you be the judgeof that. mmm. hmmm. i've got 9 more. have you seenthat ship? i don't know. it doesn'tlook like one of ours.
but then again we dealwith so many ships. has officer nordberg been able totell you anything? no. unfortunately, there was anotherattempt on his life. he's back in a coma. oh, that's terrible. this world is sucha violent place. if it wasn't,i'd be out of a job.
be back on the circuitriding motocross. but i'd give it all uptomorrow to live in a worldwithout crime. that's beautiful. this is all happeningtoo fast. i've...been hurt before. i'm sorry. i'd known her for years. we used to go to allthe police functions together.
oh, how i loved her. but she had her music. i think she had her music. she hung out with the chicago male chorusand symphony. i don't recall herplaying an instrument or being ableto carry a tune, yet she was on the road300 days out of the year. in fact, i bought hera harp for christmas.
she asked me what it was. it's the same old story. boy finds girl,boy loses girl, girl finds boy,boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl... girl dies ina tragic blimp accident over the orange bowlon new year's day. goodyear? no, the worst.
you poor dear. now, now. i don't wantto upset you. oh, frank,it's not that. why did you haveto be so wonderful? there's somethingi ought to tell you. no, no needto tell me anything. what's in the past,it doesn't matter, anyway. maybe...
maybe we're just2 lonely souls who havefound each other. funny face. i want you to know,i... practice safe sex. so do i. ♪ woke up this morningfeelin' fine ♪ ♪ had something specialon my mind ♪ ♪ last night, i met a new girlin the neighborhood ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ something tells mei'm into something good ♪ ♪ something tells mei'm into something ♪ ♪ she's the kind of girlwho's not too shy ♪ ♪ and i can telli'm her kind of guy ♪ ♪ 'cause she dancedclose to me ♪ ♪ like i hoped she would ♪ ♪ ahh ♪ ♪ i walked her home,and she held my hand ♪
♪ i knew it wouldn't bejust a one-night stand ♪ ♪ so i askedto see her next week ♪ ♪ and she told me i could ♪ ♪ i'm into something good ♪ ♪ oh, yeah,something good ♪ i had a wonderful day,frank. i can't believewe just met yesterday. you really mean that,jane? you're not justsaying it
because we exchangedbodily fluids? no, i really mean it.you're very special. can i interest youin a nightcap? no, thank you.i don't wear them. actually, i'm on duty. we're on stakeouttonight. but i'll be thinkingabout you. i'll call you tomorrow. ok.
good night. ♪ into something good,something good... ♪ frank:i'm telling you, ed, the answer's up therein ludwig's office. call it what you will--a hunch, woman's intuition. ludwig knows a lot morethan he's telling us. a hunch won't stand upin court, frank. where areyour hard facts? look, he's the only oneoutside of ourselves
who knew that nordbergwas still alive. next thing we know, some thugtries to knock nordberg off in the hospital. that may be... but breaking intoludwig's office-- you're takinga big chance. i know. you take a chancegetting up in the morning crossing the streetor sticking your face in a fan.
look. there he is. all right, just trust meon this, ed. i know i'm right. ok, but be careful. you get a good night's sleep.i'll see you in the morning. mmph. mmph. [click] bingo. [ragtime music plays]
"20 million deposited,omani bank, zurich, upon proofof queen's death"? aah! ah! ah! ah! ooh! ooh! oh! ohhh! [sirens] [klaxon] aaaah!
oh, oh... aaah! woman: aaaah! [creaking] aaaaah! mayor: enteringwithout a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assaultwith a concrete dildo. what the hellwere you doing there
in the first place? yes. yes, i know. i'm sorryabout that, your honor, but we have reason to believethat vincent ludwig is involved in a plotto assassinate the queen. that's ridiculous! where is this evidence? well, it... burned in the fire. gentlemen...
vincent ludwig isone of the most respected members of this community, and if we're allvery nice to him, he will agreenot to press charges. your honor... did i make myself clear? yes, your honor,very clear. good day. oh, drebin. i don't wantany more trouble
like you had last yearon the south side. understand? that's my policy. yes, well, when i see 5 weirdosdressed in togas stabbing a guyin the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, i shoot the bastards,that's my policy. that was a "shakespearein the park" production of "julius caesar,"you moron.
you killed 5 actors. good ones. your honor-- drebin, your presence at thequeen's reception tonight will not be necessary. is that understood? we understand,your honor. [radio] ...and the planehas taxied to a stop. they're rolling outthe steps
and any minute now,we expect the doors to open. and we'll get our firstglimpse of the queen, ken, as she begins her first visitto the los angeles area in over 5 years. that's right, bob, and it's a balmy, beautifulevening for it too. she'll be going straight fromhere to a formal reception-- [doorbell rings] [turns radio off]
jane. frank. i'm just making somedinner. are you hungry? well...maybejust a bite. i just talked to vincent ludwig, he wanted me to ask youto meet him tonight. jane, i think there'ssomething you should know. i was up in vincent ludwig'splace last night. oh, how nice! did he show you
his priceless collectionof ming vases and all those rare oilpaintings? and what about that-- jane, i think thatvincent ludwig is involved in a number ofcriminal activities. oh, frank, stop it. vincent ludwigis a well-respected, generous, kind man. it's just too bad you don'tknow him like i do. oh, yeah,and how's that?
what's thatsupposed to mean? i'm...sorry. i'm worriedabout you. i don't trusthim and i don'twant to see you getting mixed upin anything dangerous. wong wu's?they back in business? i thought they closed down3 years ago. gee, has itbeen that long? i don't feellike chinesetonight, anyway.
uhh... frank, it's so sweet of youto be concerned about me, but you're wrongabout vincent ludwig. he's such a gentleman,and he's so generous. he just wants to havea talk with you to clear up any doubtsthat you might have about him. when? tonight. he wants you to meet himat the 7th street stockyards
near the 53rd streetentrance. all right, but you promise methat you'll be careful. of course i will,funny face, for you. oh, i got to go.i'll see you tomorrow. are you sure you won't havesomething to eat? [moo] ludwig? drebin?
yeah, i'm drebin. i have a message for youfrom vincent ludwig. take that,you lousy scum! i'm sorry.i can't hear you. don't fire the gunwhile you're talking. all right... put your gun downand your hand up. matthews,stake out that end. adcock, check for anyonesuspicious-looking.
ed! frank, what areyou doing here? i just camefrom the stockyards, trading shotswith one of ludwig's goons. they're planningon doing it tonight, ed, here. that's why they weretrying to knock me off. right. we'd better beon the lookout. right. excuse me, ma'am.security. what's the meaningof this?
all right, all right,just relax, take it easy. nothing's gonna happen. hey, i didn'tdo anything. oh, yeah? well,how about this? you think we wereborn yesterday? you didn't do anything, huh? i got rights! look, ed. he's got a pictureof your wife.
ethel. all right. anyone elsehere seeing his wife? that's all right.that's ok, frank. let's get in the hall. are you enjoyingyourself, my dear? oh, mr. ludwig, i'm soexcited to be here. i really do appreciateyour inviting me. oh, the pleasureis all mine, my dear, and perhapsafterwards, we can--
drebin. you're both right.surprised to see me, mr. ludwig? this is not the timeor place to talk. it's way pastthe time we talked. the gloves are off.i'm playing hardball, ludwig. it's fourth and 15, and you're lookingat a full-court press. mr. drebin, if you haveevidence, then use it. if not, i am warningyou, get off my back,
or i promise you,it will cost you dearly. frank, what's wrong? a lot of things,sweetie pie. a little meeting that turned into a peek-a-boosession with bullets all set up by someonewho's been playing me like a violin at the annualsaps convention. funny face, i don't know whatyou're talking about.
my stockyard meeting,butterwings. or don't you remembersetting that up? but mr. ludwig said youcalled the meeting off. believe me, i-- hum me another one,snooky lumps. frank, it's the truth. it's truewhat they say-- cops and womendon't mix. it's like eatinga spoonful of drano.
sure,it'll clean you out, but it'll leave youhollow inside. too bad, sugar puff. we could havebeen something. i was only doingwhat i was told to do. like make loveto me? frank! [music stops] that only makes thingseasier, princess.
to think i trusted you. i made a big mistake. here. you takethis back. whose is that? doesn't matter. man: hey, watch it! take careof yourself, baby. by the way... i faked every orgasm.
oh, funny face. and to commemorateour friendship, the city of los angeles is proud to presentto the royal family this revolutionary warmusket generously donatedby mr. vincent ludwig. ladies and gentlemen, her royal highness... queen elizabeth ii.
[playing fanfare] ah! get securityin here! ed: it's disgusting the waythey splash this stuff all overthe newspapers. what is journalismcoming to? you're laying on topof the queen with her legswrapped around you and they call that news.
they can't kick youoff the force, frank. it's just not fair! now, now, ed,life isn't always fair. just think, the next timei shoot someone, i could be arrested. hey...look at that. the missing evidencein the kelner case. my god, he was innocent. he went to the chair2 years ago, frank.
well...what's the use? what good are thesedamn awards and citations? frank, uh... 20 years-- frank, that'snot your desk. jane! i've been lookingall over for you. what areyou doing here, running another errandfor your boyfriend?
i tried to call you last night.i even went by your place. where were you? i was out walking--all night. frank, you got tolisten to me. i have importantinformation for you. please believe me.vincent ludwig and i, there was neveranything between us. he likeseast german men. and what about you?
i like cops. all right! hey, hey! settle down.take it easy. what have you got? i overheard ludwigafter the banquet. you were rightall along, frank. ludwig is planning to have someoneassassinate the queen!
where? at the baseball game. the queen will be there thisafternoon as a guest of ludwig. i'm supposed to bewith them. are you telling usthat vincent ludwig is going to just shoot the queenin front of 60,000 fans? no. he said a player'sgoing to do it, during the7th-inning stretch. that game startsin 20 minutes.
i better get down thereright away. i'll go with you. no, it's best you staywith ludwig. that way, we won'tarouse any suspicion. right.ok, let's go. wait! listen! i've gotten you guysinto enough trouble already. i don't want you to riskthis for me. i'll go alone. no! this is gonna get youback on the force, frank,
and we're allright behind you. frank... i wanted youto know now... i've loved you sincethe first day i met you, and i'll never stop. i'm a verylucky woman. so am i. programs! get your programshere! programs!
curt gowdy: and a goodafternoon to everyone. we're coming to you livefrom the big "a" where the california angelsmeet the seattle mariners in a showdownfor the division league in this excitingamerican league west race. hello, everybody.i'm curt gowdy, along with jim palmer,tim mccarver, dick vitale, mel allen, dick enberg,and dr. joyce brothers
inviting you to join us for this all-importantball game. and a veryspecial game it is, curt. as we all know, this gameis being attended by her majestyqueen elizabeth. and i'm sure her majesty will enjoy this game,jim. we've gotall the exits covered. i ought to go downand arrest ludwig right now.
no, frank.without any evidence, we've got to let himmake the first move. besides, the mayor, she'd haveyou arrested on the spot. you've got to stayout of sight. i've got to get thatassassin before the7th-inning stretch. if jane is right, it couldbe any one of those players. i've got to finda way get down there on that field and searchthose players. p.a. announcer:ladies and gentlemen,
please rise and givea hearty los angeles welcome to her majestyqueen elizabeth ii. [organ plays"god save the queen"] one moment, ma'am. huh? over there.these seats are taken. my dear... is somethingbothering you? why, no.why do you ask?
well, you haven't said a word.you seem...nervous. well, you knowhow important this game isfor the angels. why he isnot here now? i do not like being madeto wait for him. mr. pallazzo,our head usher will be herein 2 minutes to take youonto the field. please, justwait in here.
he should be here now!do you understand? yes, sir, i'll sendhim right over. i do not wait for him.he waits for me. mr. pallazzo,i am the head usher. i'm here to--excuse me. mr. pallazzo? i'm the head usher. one second. on behalf ofthe california angels
and the cityof los angeles on the occasion ofher majesty's royal visit, please welcome internationally renownedopera star enrico pallazzo. ladies and gentlemen,let us honor america as mr. pallazzo will now singour national anthem. [organ plays] [singing off-key]♪ oh, say can you see ♪ ♪ by the dawn'searly light ♪
♪ what so proudlywe hailed... ♪ frank? ♪ in the twilight'slast gleaming ♪ ♪ whose bright stripesand broad stars ♪ ♪ in the perilous night ♪ ♪ o'er the rampartswe watched ♪ ♪ as the da, da, da,da, da, da ♪ ♪ and the rockets'red glare ♪ ♪ lots of bombsin the air ♪
♪ gave proofthrough the night ♪ ♪ that we still hada flag ♪ ♪ oh, say does thatspangled banner wave ♪ ♪ over all that is free ♪ ♪ in the homeof the land ♪ ♪ and the landof the free ♪ get him! hold it! and now as the crowdsettles back down,
we'll wait for theexchange of lineups and the start oftoday's ball game. oh, excuse me.could you tell me... is thisan official bat? well, the queen's visithas brought a sellout crowd. could be a record. and while the fansare awaiting the first pitch, they're being entertained bythe stadium's angelvision, showing some of thoseunusual moments in baseball
over the years. whoops. sorry, fellas. ha ha ha!how about that? now taking the field--your california angels. [crowd cheers] for the safety of theplayers and yourself, we ask that you do notthrow any objects in the standsor on the field.
we thank youfor your cooperation. [spits] so as the angelstake the field, we're about ready forthe first-pitch ceremony with the queenof england ready to toss outthe first ball. how about that queen,ladies and gentlemen? let's havea nice round of applause. we're ready for the startof today's ball game.
and i'm sure that group oflovely ladies would agree. well, they ought to.those are the players' wives. on hand to enjoy the gamewith us today. the umpiresfor today's game-- at first base,louis metz. second base,dan zowan. third base,bob boone. what do you say, cummings?are we going to do this today? do what? oh.
play ball! al, it's frank. and this game'sunder way. dave spiwackready to face jay johnstone. nothing to reportso far, chief. don't worry, al. if one of those playersis the killer, frank is goingto find him,
even if he has tosearch every one of them. p.a.: jay johnstone!johnstone. good luck, pal.are you all right? let's see if thatuniform's on straight. looking good back here. let's see now, the shirt. well, you shouldtake a large, i bet. little tight in the crotch. doesn't swing.all right.
all set? ok. play ball. batter up. strike? strike one! stri-i-i-ike 2! stri-i-i-i-ike 3! hey, hey,hey, hey, hey! whee!
randy newman:♪ rolling down ♪ ♪ imperial highway ♪ stee-ee-ee-rike! ♪ a big, nasty redheadat my side ♪ ♪ santa ana windsblowing hot from the north ♪ ♪ we was born to ride... ♪ you're clean. ♪ put down the top ♪ ♪ crank upthe beach boys, baby... ♪
you're out! ♪ we're gonna ride it ♪ ♪ till we just can'tride it no more ♪ ♪ from the south bayto the valley ♪ ♪ from the west sideto the east side ♪ ♪ everybody's very happy ♪ ♪ 'cause the sunis shinin' all the time ♪ ♪ looks likeanother perfect day ♪ ♪ i love l.a. ♪
♪ we love it ♪ ♪ look at that mountain ♪ ♪ look at those trees ♪ ♪ look at that bumover there, man ♪ ♪ he's down on his knees ♪ ♪ look at these women ♪ ♪ ain't nothin' like themnowhere ♪ ♪ century boulevard ♪ ♪ victory boulevard ♪
♪ santa monica boulevard ♪ ♪ 6th street ♪ ♪ we love it, we love it,we love it ♪ ♪ we love l.a. ♪ ♪ we love it! ♪ have youfound him yet? no, and i've searchedalmost everybody. yeah, i saw that. there's onlyone more out before
the 7th-inningstretch, frank. i'm gonna havemy men on the alert but you're gonnahave to stall them. don't let themget that third out. right, ed. p.a.: the marinershortstop-- number 4,armando crishonee. crishonee. ball.
ball? [crowd boos] what in the world?get out! catch it!catch it! fair ball! go! go! go! he's going home! block the plate! safe.
safe?what do you mean?! i don't believe it! hey, second base! there's the throwby the catcher. they've gotcrishonee hung up between firstand second. what? hey, you're notsupposed to do that. hey, wait a minute!stop that right now!
give me that ball!you hear me? i'll get you! i know this ishard to believe, but apparentlythe umpires have got crishoneein a rundown. safe! safe? how about that? he was out!
out! he was safe! now there's a sighti've never seen. safe! safe! safe! safe! safe! he was safe! he nevertagged him with the ball! you idiot, he was out whenhe ran out of the baseline! all right, i've had enough!you're out of here! what do youmean?!
you can't throwan umpire out of the game! all right!you're out of here! hey! hold it a minute. even the guyrunning the scoreboard up there says he was out. and he's way up thereon the mezzanine! oh, my god.it's the third out. [men arguing] i must kill...
the queen. jane: frank! frank! it's the right fielder! you're the blindest umpirei've ever seen! what's the matterwith you? whoa. you're the boss. he was safe. you're right. now we're going to take youfor a little walk.
to thinki respected you. how could you dosomething so vicious? it was easy,my dear. you forget, i spent 2 yearsas a building contractor. now let's go...quietly. aha! look! reggie, man! get the ump!
[everyone talking at once] man: kick him in the balls! man: aaah! my foot! up there! a-a-a-aah! ooh... the umpire-- he saved the queen's life. that's not the umpire,your honor.
hey, it's enrico pallazzo! enrico pallazzo! frank! frank! frank! frank! help! help! frank! hold it, ludwig! stay where you are, drebin. he's got a gun. you ruined my life,drebin.
now i'm goingto ruin yours. leave the girl alone. i am. i'm goingto kill you. i see. [telephonehangs up] 2 can playat that game. you killed him. no, no.he's just stunned. he'll be all rightin a couple of minutes.
oh...ah! a-a-a-a-aah! well. [band plays "louie, louie"] oh, frank... it's horrible. that's so horrible. i know, ed. my father wentthe same way.
[beep beep] frank drebin. no, no! don't shoot! jane... it's me... i must killfrank drebin. hey, look!up there! but you lovefrank drebin... and frank drebinloves you.
jane, listen to me,if you don't love me, then you might as wellpull that trigger because... without you, i wouldn't wantto live, anyway. i finally found someonei can love-- good, clean love... without utensils. it's a topsy-turvyworld, jane. and maybe the problemsof 2 people
don't amountto a hill of beans, but... this is our hill, and these are our beans. jane, sincei've met you, i noticed things i never knewwere there before-- birds singing, dew glisteningon a newly formed leaf, stoplights... i must kill--
this morning... i bought somethingfor you. it's not very much... but pretty good for an honestpoliceman's salary. it's an engagement ring. i would have given itto you earlier, but... i wanted to waituntil we were alone. i...
i love you, jane. oh, frank. [sniffling] i'm sorry that i yelledat you yesterday. i really am. drebin, i waswrong about you. this city, and i guessthe whole world, owes you a debtof gratitude.
thank you, mayor. and monday morning, we wantyou back at police squad, with a promotionto captain, of course. mayor-- but don't thank me. there's someone else herewho wants to thank you. nordberg! hiya, buddy. doc says i should beon my feet
and as good as newin a week. and backon the force. nordberg, that'swonderful! whoa! everyone should havea friend like you. ♪ we only dancedfor a minute or two ♪ ♪ and then she stuck close tome the whole night through ♪ ♪ can i be fallin' in love ♪
♪ she's everythingi've been dreaming of ♪ ♪ ahhh ♪ ♪ something good ♪ ♪ something... ♪
