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halley: sometimes, life is so perfect. isn't it? it has to be, to make up for the hard stuff it throws your way. you have to learn to walk, you have to learn to talk. you have to wear that totally ridiculous hat your grandma bought you. you have no say in the matter.
and when you're a little older, even though you get to choose your hats, you don't get to choose what they put in those meatballs at the cafeteria... or when to fall in love. things happen, and you just have to deal. recording: and breathe. let's just think of the day my parent's divorce came through
as "big, ugly hat day." refer to diagram b on page 19-- "the tree of life." and breathe. woman: ...anybody but his ownselfish pleasure. girl: mom, please. recording: focus. woman: i couldn't care less about your father'smid-life crisis
and complete mockeryof his wedding vows. i just hope he doesn'texpect me-- oh, halley, i'm sorry.i didn't see you there. guys... where do you thinkyou're going? as long as you're gonnakill me with flying ice, does it really matter? excuse me, everyone. halley!
mom! i have some reallyimportant news to announce here. lewis and i--we're getting married. he asked melast saturday night. i wanted to tell you,but i wasn't sure when, or how you'd react. i told him i couldn'teven wear this ring until after i talkedto you. but we wanna havethis big spring wedding,
mom, i'm so happy. nice timing, huh? tell your mom you're getting married on the day she gets divorced. why does love make people crazy? girl: oh! oh, my-- oh! oh, scarlett, you weren'tpicking up your phone. i'm so sorry!
( laughs ) um...oh, uh, halley,that's michael. michael, uh... hi. mm-hm. michael: thank you. ( motorcycle revs ) bye! i love you! what do you think?
wow. you, um, didn't tell meyou were doing it. oh... when you meetthe right person and you fall in love... it's like...it's likeeverything you thought, you thought is...oh! can you believe it? no. i can't.
scarlett, come on. you are soundingdangerously close to a hallmarkgreeting card. you're gonna let yourselfturn into mush over something like sex? um...yeah. you can't expect to doanything great in life if you buckle the first timesome guy bats his eyes at you. news flash, hal--
even madonnaeventually got married. my mom thinks that meansthere's hope for her, too. your mom wantsto get married? well, she wants to fallin love, halley. everyone does. hi. i've been in-- hi. i've been divorcedfor a long time, so my baggageis ancient history. i like to think that itravel light these days.
except formy daughter scarlett, who is just a joyof a carryon. see, i think i'm takingthe baggage thing too far. maybe i should start over. you know what i thinkof this whole idea. i'm only gonna send itto the online guys who pass my rigidfive-point checklist. here, you try. go away.
lydia, the man of your dreamsis sitting out there right now waiting to hear from you.speak to him. i don't thinkthe perfect man is gonna want to hearwhat i have to say. sure he does, sweetie.speak to him. go on. i'm sorry, mr. perfect, but if you're waiting for me, it's gonna bea hell of a long wait.
see, i've had itwith men like you. mm-hm. i think it's terrificthat you have a great job, and you're sensitiveto the needs of others, and you jog three times a weekto keep the belly at bay, but the secondsome silicon-breasted, butt-kissing, airhead climberhalf your age comes along, you can't keepyour pants zipped. well, fuck you! that's right, mr. middle-age,
think-you're-a-big-shot,phony asshole. you ain't gettin' any from me. okay. i think we'll justgive this a little time. ( imitates leaky faucet ) ( mutters )so juvenile. i'm glad you'reback early from camp. even though it wasa dishonorable discharge. what happened?
where were you trying to get toin that old canoe? no comment. no comment? i don't speak to the press. i'm the press? yeah, and anything i say canand will be used against me. i would never useanything against you. oh, dad, give it up!it's old. and you need to getyour own material.
man: daddy dog. yo. len martin.it's you, right? wdyg's coolest deejay. that's me. "we dig the dog!" ( makes barking sound ) love your show, man. thanks, man.
you are the hippestold guy i know. yo, dude! i'm not that old! ( howling noise ) that's len martin. ( barks ) hey! woman: hello, gorgeous ones. and you invited her.
hey, baby. hey. i thought we'd spendsome time together, then we could havea chance to bond. well...look at you, halley. that's hard to dowithout a mirror, isn't it? honey, you keepgetting prettier every day. i have no idea how youcould say that 'cause you definitelydon't see me every day.
and yesterday,oh, my god, i was so ugly. and last wednesday,that sucked, too. so it's kind ofa day to day thing. i love that sense of humor. just like her daddy. look at that gorgeous girl. dad, stop it. she's gother daddy's hair. don't cut it.
it's beautiful. don't cut it.just let it grow. cut it. let me count the waysthat this card can be used to induce... nausea,gastric distress, vomiting. yeah, go ahead and mock me,but this is serious. i need to find something funnyand something sweet, just the way scarlett is.
remember last timei got her-- okay. okay.well, look, here's one. not helping. "from small beginningscome great things." "congratulationson your new baby." i thought you weregonna help me. lighten up, sherwood. "the first time we met,you stole my heart." "good luck in findinga compatible organ donor."
nice! i'm kidding, okay?it's blank inside. you know something?you're not funny, forrester. this girl is amazing--unlike you. and she's sensitive--unlike you. and she's sexy. unlike you. unlike me. forrester: there's gottabe a card here
for a redheadfrom a newly smitten hunka-hunkaburnin' love. i mean...look. summer romancehas its own section. it's not a summer romance.i mean... scarlett is... standingright behind you...dude. michael: sneaking up on me? ( clears throat )
hi, halley. ( giggling ) you remember my name? sure. we werein biology together. yeah, i know, but... you were never there.really. technically. i like your hair. thank you. ♪ i don't needto read billy shakespeare ♪
♪ meet julietor my volio ♪ ♪ feel for oncewhat it's like to rebel now ♪ ♪ i wanna break out,let's go ♪ ♪ get out, get out,get out, get out ♪ see, my schedule is all wrong,which, i think, is a sign that nothing's goingaccording to plan this year. um, it's a completeand total mess. looks like a fine scheduleto me, halley. no. um, band?
i would neversign up for band. what's wrong with band? i don't play anything? well, maybe you should.i'm sure you could handle it. okay, mrs. toussaint,this is not my schedule. look, i'm signed upfor algebra, and i've alreadytaken calculus. well, maybe a brush-upis a good thing, not to mentiona good grade.
why don't you give it a shotbefore you decide anything. okay, i'm signed upfor boys' p.e. radio: 94 fm... fill out this formand we'll start again. len martin with a traffic update from that love puppy in the skies, our very own lorna queen. lorna, you up there? lorna: hi, len.
on a clear day, you can see forever. and this is one beautiful morning. should we tell everyone our little secret? len: careful, baby, you sure this is the time? lorna: i am bursting at the seams to tell everyone we're eloping. ( len howls ) lorna: oops, i just spilled the beans. ( turns radio off )
halley, that isyour father's show, right? i just love it. tell him congratulations. i'm sure very you're excitedabout the upcoming nuptials. my father and my sister. my sister and my father? your father and your sisterare getting married? yeah. no, not to each other.
i... i have to check somethingbefore i fill this out. sit down, forrester. let's see if we can sort outyour usual chaos. maybe you'll even do us the honor of attendingthis year. okay, later, m.t. i gotta rethinkthat shop class. i'm pretty scary with tools.
oh, my. you didn't know, did you,about your dad getting married? yes, i did. the bastard. he tells the whole worldbefore he tells you. he's not... whatever. at least if they're eloping, you won't have to goto the wedding.
i mean, come on,weddings are the worst. me? i've had to go to, like,five between my parents. don't ask. listen, m.t. wasn't giving youa hard time back there, was she? "m.t."? mrs. toussaint and i...we're on close terms. you get to know yourguidance counselor really well when you're clearlyin desperate need of guidance. see, i've got itdown to a science.
you try the jedi mind trick. what's that? you never saw star wars? no, i saw it. i guess i just didn'tmemorize it like you did. well, that's your loss,isn't it? because the jedi mind trick is when you tell someonewhat to think, and they think it.
for example, m.t. says, ( nasal voice ) "macon,you're already in trouble, "and it's the first dayof school. is this any wayto start the new year?" okay, pretend you're me.what do you say? okay. i say... no. i wanna be someone else. cute. no. you, as me, say...
"mrs. t, you're gonnalet this one slide. because it wasan honest mistake, it's only the first day of school, and the fire was put outas quickly as it was started. you didn't reallystart a fire, did you? the point is that you putthe words into somebody's mouth and they give themback to you like they've just come upwith the idea. like when i ask you to goout this friday night,
you're gonna think you'reasking me because you'll say, "yes, macon, i would love to, "because i know we'll havea totally great time together. in fact, i've been hopingyou'd ask me all week." you wanna go outon a date with me? see? i told youyou'd ask me. macon, i think i like youtoo much already to actually go out with you. what kindof logic is that?
it's logical logic. the quickest way to ruina relationship with someone is to actually try and havea relationship with them. haven't you noticed whenthe opposite sex gets together, eventually, someoneends up getting hurt? well, i am, too--boycotting. you can't boycottyour father's wedding. it's not even a wedding. it's...an elopement.
yeah, except everyone withinhis radio frequency is invited. my god, he issuch a hypocrite. i cannot believe he wouldn'ttell us about it first. he didn't give you any warningwhen you went to dinner? she was at that dinner? no. okay, yeah,she was there at the end. mom, come on. she wasn'teven supposed to be there. you know...
i don't think i'm gonna let himwalk me down the aisle. please stop worryingabout me. i am fine.i'm fine. in a way, it sets me free.i feel strangely liberated. and he isstill your father, after all. and if he wants to make a completeand utter fool of himself by trying in some patheticallyclichã© fashion to recapturehis sorry state of manhood
by hooking up with not evena very attractive bimbo, then if that's what he wants,i'm fine with that. someone toss, please. now. this is our reception area with our post-ceremonychampagne bar... which is conveniently located right nextto our very own chapel. can't you just picturewalking down this aisle?
in a coffin. sorry, it's just...a little depressing. actually, nobody's eversaid that before. ashley: lewis...say something.what do you think? well, i like it.i mean, it's very clean. clean? is that what you wantour wedding day to be? it's not...it's not pretty, it's not intimate,it's not romantic.
i'm just so happythat i get to marry you. woman: i'm sorry,not to pressure you, but this space does book upquite quickly for spring. in fact,we have another couple-- why don't we give thema moment to think? ashley, sweetie,they plan the whole thing. the food and the flowers...even the place cards. think about how much lesshassle it'll be. you think planning the mostimportant day of our lives
is a hassle? it hasn't evenbeen that long. 19 1/2 hours. ( gasps ) wouldn't michaellook cool in that? hey, i dida good job, huh? michael sherwood wouldlook good in anything. that's not the point,though, okay? enjoy himand fool around with him.
don't fall in lovewith him. why do you think they call it"falling," anyways? it's not worth it to youto spend money on a wedding. the most important day. i was trying to killtwo birds with one stone. cheap is what that is. oh, you see cheap,i see convenience. look at them. they're like a walkingwarning sign against romance.
lewis is this anal,uptight geek who has my sisterunder some kind of spell, so now all this formerlysemi-intelligent person thinks about is diamonds,and hairdos...and bullshit. it looked like a k-mart. how am i supposed to knowbefore we go? maybe go byand look at it. see? look at them. they don'teven like each other,
but because of thisstupid spell they're under, it makes them disregardall the facts. they are fighting because they love each otherenough to care. i didn't know it looked likea k-mart before i went there. lewis, once we got in there,you knew. okay, i goofed. too bad you can't get a divorcebefore you get married. that way,you could save yourself
on that stupid extra step. lewis, i'm sorry. see? ashley: these dishes,they're perfect. aw...that's love, halley. okay, you know what? fall once and you may neverbe able to get back up again. ( cell phone beeps ) michael.
( both laugh ) halley: geek!get out of here! isn't he adorable? he's cute. ( clapping and cheering ) yeah! whoo! yay! all right, michael! way to get that goal!
whoo! coach: okay, guys,line up! coach: all right, guys,back up. let's give him some air. sherwood?sherwood, you hear me? michael? guys, back up.give him some air. all right?a little bit of air. ( siren approaches )
call the doctor. i thought my parents' divorce was the end of the world. that was before michael died of a heart defect. and the world stopped... or it should have. i'm sorry. i think it's 100 degrees out. what am i supposed to do? the only black clothes i haveare winter clothes.
i have nothing nice to wear. i don't thinkit matters, really. look, this is... this is dark greenand it's really nice. it's ugly, halley. i'm just trying to thinkabout something else. anything,for one single second. i wanna look good for him. does that sound crazy?
this was a bad idea. yeah, but dying is definitelynot one of the better concepts. no, the dress, halley. everyone's looking at melike i'm a freak. okay, it's not for them.it's for michael. remember that. can you believewhat she's wearing? that's, like,so disrespectful. she always has to haveall the attention to herself.
pastor: "although it droopand die that night, "it was the plantand flower of light. "in small proportions,we just beauty see. "and in short measures, life may perfect be." mr. macon forresterwill now address us. i--i was gonnaread from this... but i'm not very goodat reading. or writing...
or spelling. not like michael. he was good at so many thingswithout even trying. he taught mehow to be myself... by myself. and not to worryabout what other people think. even if that meansbeing completely uncool. he taught me abouthow to trust people. and how to love.
'cause he was so good. he loved his family,he loved his friends. he loved basketball. and he loved scarlett. and he loved this. ( plays "do you realize,"by the flaming lips ) ♪ do you realize ♪ ♪ that you havethe most beautiful face? ♪ ( thunder crashes )
♪ we're floating in space? ♪ ♪ that happinessmakes you cry? ♪ ♪♪ ♪ your loveis like a car crash ♪ ♪ don't it all that whiplash? ♪ ♪ you're a staini can't get out ♪ ♪ i try bleachand i try shout ♪ ♪ you're the kind of guy ♪ ♪ who needs attentionaround the clock ♪
man: ...take this woman,lorna queen, to be your lawful wedded wife,your partner the queen of your own heart,forever and ever? oh, yeah! daddy, rock onwith your woman! ( cheering and barking ) and do you,lorna p. queen, take this old guy len to beyour lawful wedded husband for all the rest of your days?
i do. ( cheering ) wrap it up.we're off in 15 seconds. our airtime is almost up. woo-woo! we must now gowhere federal regulations will not allow you to follow,if you know what i mean. ( howls ) lewis, no!no barking.
♪ then a tall glassof bud dry ♪ ♪ well,you're the kind of guy ♪ sorry, but you gotta go. oh, poor little thing. i know just how it feels. out with the old,in with the new. and who do you think you are? just becauseyou've got great petals. oh, my god.i'm talking to my plants.
oh, my god. you're talkingto your plants. how was it? it was great... if you happen to be the deviland enjoy human pain. tell me something. i don't know! what do you want meto tell you? wait! no, the bimboalmost died of strangulation.
i cannot believei forgot to tell you. her wedding veil took ona life of its own and rebelled. and she had to clawher way out. and you knowthat woman can claw, mom. it was so sad. it was like,near death by wedding veil. just tragic, isn't it? oh, my god!and their vows? was dad that much a loserwhen you guys got married?
your father's not a loser. although he did choose to looklike one at our wedding, too. he insisted on wearinga powder-blue tuxedo. then why do peopleget married, anyways? i mean, we knowthey're lying to each other, but are they lyingto themselves, too? how can you promise you're gonnafeel the same way forever? things dosometimes change, halley. this house is awfully bigfor just the two of us,
don't you think? what? you'll be goingto college soon. mom...a year and 3/4is not really that soon. i want us to start thinkingabout streamlining, halley. maybe we should sellthe house. i grew up in this house. yes, and there have beengreat memories in this house. this is my house.
i understand how you must feel,but life changes. this is ridiculous,mom, come on! and i don't wantto live here alone. ( indistinct conversation ) bye, halley. ( boy imitates dramatic music ) stand back!leaf man to the rescue. where did you get that? a guy's gotta pay for gasand bacon burgers somehow.
and toys, 'cause i imagine star wars figurinesmust get pretty expensive. i do not haveany star wars figurines. well...not many,and i don't play with them... much. this one's on the house. uh-huh. here you go. you're afraidto go out with me
because you actuallymight like me? no, but that'sa good theory, i guess, if you want to protectyour fragile male ego. 'cause you can'thandle rejection! rejection? whatever! ♪ get a load of meget a load of you ♪ ♪ walking down the streetand i hardly know you ♪ ♪ hardly know you ♪ ♪ it's just likewe were meant to be ♪
♪ what it isis just the beginning ♪ ♪ we're already wetand we're gonna go swimming ♪ ♪ why can't i breathe ♪ ♪ whenever i thinkabout you? ♪ ♪ why can't i speak ♪ ♪ wheneveri talk about you? ♪ ♪ it's inevitable ♪ ♪ it's a fact that we'regonna get down to it ♪ ♪ so tell me ♪
♪ wheneveri think about you ♪ ♪ whenever i thinkabout you ♪ ( soft tapping ) ( sound continues ) of courseyou think it's weird that i didn'tjust use the phone, but you're also glad because it's so much betterto talk in person. especially when i've comewith such a specific purpose.
which is why you'regonna cut me some slack here. you are absolutely crazy. i've been called worse. you're gonna kiss me,halley. you're gonna comea little closer... so i can putmy arms around you. and then,on the count of three... two... one.
you're a reallygood kisser. you tricked me. you jedi mind-tricked me. ( door opens ) halley? halley, is that you out there? macon (whispering):close your eyes, go to bed. gimme a break. who are you talking to?
halley: um... i'm sorry, i, um... sorry. i just...i needed to talk. i was just coming overfor a little late-night chat. we're not gonna stay upvery late, though. okay? at least do it inside. "nausea"? a little.
"breast tenderness"? ow. yeah. major. "food cravings"? grapefruit. scarlett, come on, i could answer "yes" to mostof these questions, too. i used to hate grapefruit. what's wrong?
no offense, halley,but... ugh...your perfumeis making me sick. oh, come on,i'm not wearing perfume. i use soap. "heightened sense of smell." okay, so do you preferdirect pee-on-a-strip or dip-in-a-cup? shh! halley:maybe it's a false reading.
because i have heard of thingssuch as false readings, and the strips did notlook completely pink, they looked onlykind of pinkish, so-- five kits, halley. what am i gonna do? ( honks horn ) so you take the carwithout my permission in the middle of the nighton some kind of joy ride. it wasn't a joy ride.
maybe i should-- don't think you'reoff the hook, halley martin. you don't even haveyour driver's license, and you area terrible driver. i was helping scarlettget some books at school. we left them there-- forget it, halley! mom... taking your car out
is gonna seemlike the least of it. because whatever you'rethinking right now... it's worse. well, one of youbetter tell me before i havea nervous breakdown. i'm pregnant. well, thank godyou told me in time. ( cries softly ) shouldn't i be getting paidto wear a dress this ugly?
i'm sorryif you hate my taste and you think it's so awfulyou have to be in my wedding, but you are my sister. woman:it's an emotional time. all right,i was just joking. just because you think upsomething you think is funny, doesn't meanyou have to say it. okay, ashley,i'm sorry, all right? it's just...
i love the dress, really. i feel like a princess,you know? ( sighs ) i look awful. we'll fix it. it's not the dressthat needs fixing. it's me. ashley, would youdrive halley home? 'cause i haveto get back to work.
give me my money back, you stupid, lying, feckless, two-timingson of a bitch! can i help you, ma'am? it stole my money,so, just... here. this worksa little better sometimes. what's your pleasure? diet coke sounds good.
the last one. on me. i hope i didn't,you know, kick it too... i think these machinesare built to withstand a good bootingevery now and then. steve beckwith. lydia martin. did i say "martin"? it's lydia williams now.
lydia williams again. williams. again. lydia. nice to meet you. aren't you gonna wearany lipstick? you sound like mom. can one of you twozip me, please? okay, you guys know you'rewearing the same dress, right? unbelievable.
( knocks on door ) don't use that bathroom.you're grandmother's in there. we practically are. i'll change. no, i'll change.i'll change. i can change. no, i shouldn'twear black anyways. halley, could youplease just wear something a little bitmore feminine
because the warshersare really traditional. sweetheart...do you need the loo? oh, grandma, no, no, no. i'm gonna usethe one downstairs. don't be silly. uh, come on in. i'm almost through. it smells like, um... oh.
just burninga little incense. ( knock on door ) mother? are you smokingthe cannabis again? i had a little headache. but i'm feelingreally much better now. i knew we'd be late. we're fine. his parentsare promptness nuts.
i can't believe i'm late. ashley, that's what happens when you make people changeten times. ooh... these leaves would makea wonderful textile. halley, look. i'll betif we make sheets... mother! of this pattern,we'd make a million dollars!
mother, please, not now. ( whispers )she's high. she's not high,she's medicated. grandma: "ow"... you know,it's interesting-- when you makethe "ow" sound, your mouth doesthis funny thing in the corners. mother,you're not sick anymore.
you were only allowedto use weed when you were sick. you're not sick anymore. i do haveheadaches a lot. she'll be fine.would you ring the bell? smile. ( doorbell chimes ) does anyone elsehear wind chimes, or is it just me? this is a total disaster.
shit! hello. i know it's turkey day, but we thought squabwould be most special. oh, they'reabsolutely adorable. squab. can i sayi'm a vegetarian? it reminds me of a littleyellow parakeet i had when i was a girl.
such a sweet,smart little bird. they look wonderful. marcella's such a trulymagnificent cook. we are luckyto have found her. oh, i bet there'sa story in that. tell me,how lost were you before you were found? because you look like a ladywho doesn't get lost very often. grandma.
she came with us 20 years ago when we moved up herefrom atlanta. she really raised our lewis. i didn't realizeyou were a working mother. i wasn't. she did go througha brokerage training program. she was good. killer instinct. but she set her sightson me, instead.
and i'd say i gotthe best deal at the firm. he's all right. he's no clark gable, but thenvery few men are. what was the nameof that character? ashley. no, you're ashley. ( chuckles nervously ) the wedding plansare coming along beautifully.
oh, well, you hollerif you need any help at all. i want this to bea memorable affair. mr. warsher: carol does throwon heck of a luncheon. mrs. warsher:that is my one regret about not having more children. having girlsmust be such fun. but we always feltthat having an only child was a much better way to moldand shape their character. lydia: ashley was alonefor her first six years.
i like to think she gotthe best of both worlds. halley: my best friendis an only child. she's having a baby, which i know at our age is something thatobviously wasn't planned. and her mom is not reallythrilled about the situation, but i really think that she's kind of startingto get behind it right now. so...
um, which wayto the bathroom? right down the halland to your left. mrs. warsher:isn't it a surprise-- our children choosingto get married so young. i always thought lewiswould take his time to find the right person. lewis: well, it must bethe example of you and dad. i mean... you make marriageseem so fun. and ashley's a lotlike you, mom.
uh, she's a verydetermined woman. ( smoke alarm beeps ) ( dog barking ) ( beeping ) all: halley? lydia:open the door, halley. mr. warsher: young lady? lydia: open the door.are you all right? lovely evening.thank you.
thanks for sticking up for me. what are youtalking about? your mom obviously doesn'twant you to get married. you made it sound likei'm some desperate woman somehow forcing youinto the whole thing. i did not. "ashley's a verydetermined woman." oh, i didn't say that. i have witnesses!mom, you were there.
you did say somethingalong those lines. well, that is nothow i meant it. lewis, you havea lovely family and that iswhat is important. they weren'texactly lovely to you. "oh, you actually workfor a living, you lower class,pathetic divorcã©e? lydia: ashley, enough. i'm the one who gothumped by a dog in there.
( soft tapping sound ) halley: where are we? macon: you'll seewhen we get there. it's too dark to see. just hold on. me and sherwood foundthis place a couple years ago. we used to come here. ( music plays ) you like it?
♪ a little somethin' sweet ♪ ♪ love can make you ♪ come on,let's dance. yes. nope. ♪ i so want ♪ come on, macon. macon! please?come on, macon.
♪ a boythat's so strong ♪ ♪ a love that's so true ♪ you look great,but i just... ♪ i think about her,that's all i do ♪ ( siren blares ) michael's parentsmoved to florida. you still haveto tell them. i know. i just can't figure out
what to saythat makes any sense. which makes sense, given that noneof what's happened makes any sense. you know, it's weird. because if you werethe one that was pregnant, i would understand youconsidering having an abortion or putting the babyup for adoption. you can still putthe baby up for adoption.
i know all the arguments. and i knowwhat i'm giving up. and i know that nothing isgonna be normal for me anymore. ( chuckles ) oh, but whatis normal, anyway? growing up with my momsure wasn't. losing michael wasn't. i used to thinkthat my family was the picture-perfectexample of normal.
us. maybe being abnormalis what's normal, right? yeah, it's likeyou and macon. it doesn't make any sense-- you falling in lovewith a guy like him. i'm not falling in lovewith him, i like kissing him. we're just friends. with benefits.
shut up. bye, i'm leaving. you've got it bad,halley! i'm leaving! i hope this isn'ta bad time. i know this is awfullyforward of me, but i can't stopthinking about you. you're out of uniform. oh, that. i forgoti was wearing that.
didn't i explain? i'm a civil war reenactor--a little hobby. i guess i likethinking about a time when honor and chivalryreally meant something. i know i've been slowto take action. slow's good. would dinner tonightbe too fast? i mean, no.i mean, i'd love to. ♪ long ago ♪
♪ i drew a lineinto the sand ♪ ♪ jumped acrossand held your hand ♪ ♪ band of gold ♪ cheers. ♪ protect usfrom the bitter tide ♪ ♪ that comes to wash awayour words with time ♪ ♪ hello, you ♪ ♪ hello, me ♪ ♪ hello, hello ♪
♪ can't you see ♪ ♪ love ismore than what it seems? ♪ friends? friends. steve, i had a lovely time. ♪ promises ♪ good night. ♪ made underthe rite of spring ♪ ♪ heavy under summer's scene ♪
i-i-i was just-- you were just leaving. exactly. halley. this is how you conductyourself in your own home? you said it--my own home. that implies i have a rightto choose what i do! halley marie martin,conduct unbecoming. no!
( louder knock ) no! you never told me you wereserious about this boy. i'm not serious. that's what you do with peopleyou're not serious about? you know what? maybe if you hada little bit more fun, you wouldn't be in the positionyou're in right now. where is all this attitudecoming from, halley?
this is not like you. like me? mom, you don'teven know me. maybe you're not very goodat knowing people. how well do you knowthat strange boy? mom, he's notstrange, okay? his name is macon. and maybe if you paidattention to anyone-- god forbid--besides yourself
and ashleyand her stupid wedding, you would know that. i'm trying. halley,you used to talk to me. yeah, and you were too busyhating dad to listen. i'm sorry you've hadto go through this. i'm... i hate dad... so muchfor doing this to us. i hate him, i hate him.
and theni don't hate him, and i feel badfor hating him. sweetie, i don't want youto hate your father. he's a decent man. i don't want youto hate me, either, but i am going to have to startlaying down some rules. oh, here we go. halley, you're groundeduntil next year. no. no, no, no.
you promised methat i could go to the new year's eve partywith macon--mom, please! no. no buts,no new year's eve, no macon. god! "dear mr.and mrs. sherwood... "guess what? you'regonna be grandparents--" exclamation point. why don't you try tellingmichael's parents what you really feel?
( cell phone rings ) macon land. happy new year. ♪ no one likes to leave ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ leavin', leavin', yeah ♪ ♪ she's completely free ♪ hey, macon, the man. the party's just arrived.
the party has--i'm here. ( rap music plays ) now, you are pretty. aw... come on, you can smilebetter than that. macon: hey! what? she doesn't knowhow to smile? maybe she doesn't want to. well, excuse mefor breathing.
yeah, you're breathingtoo close. sorry about this. it's okay. here's to the new year,right? yeah, right.to the new year. whoo. okay, knock-knock.police raid. hey, macon, my man...what's up? what's up with you? i lost my damn earring.
hey, macon. thanks. boy: halley... nice name. hey! who wantsto see my ferret? dude, i have one.i have one. come on, dude. i put a little hat on himand everything. it's awesome.
so, when'sscarlett due, anyway? you know? yeah, my mom's a bookkeeperin her doctor's office. but...don't worry.i haven't told anyone. third week of may. god, that is so freaky. you know, it's weird, but... i didn't even knowthey'd hooked up. really? 'cause theywent out all summer.
did they? yeah, and he wascompletely in love with her. she's ruining her life,you know. i think i'd kill myselfbefore i had a baby. i know enough to know i wouldn'tbe able to handle it. you're probably right,because you're not scarlett. right. thank god for that.
♪ suppose i said ♪ ♪ i'm on my best behavior ♪ ♪ there are times ♪ ♪ i lose my worried mind ♪ ♪ would you want me ♪ ♪ when i'm not myself? ♪ ♪ wait it out ♪ ♪ while i amsomeone else? ♪ ♪ colors changefor no good reason ♪
♪ words will go ♪ ♪ from poetry to prose ♪ ♪ while i am someone else? ♪ ♪ and i ♪ ♪ in time ♪ ♪ will come around ♪ ♪ i always do ♪ halley, where are you going? ♪ for you ♪
( talking and laughing ) all: ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. i really am. what was that all about? i thought you wanted usto be together. i--i do--but, "together"? it's so officialand so big for--for us.
maybe you should just saywhat you feel for once, huh? i could do that. i can. i felt like i had to getout of there because i might... really... care about you, and... and it scared me so muchbecause that meant that... you could hurt me. or maybe ijust didn't feel ready...
to like someone...that much. and i like you. don't make itso complicated, halley. ( horn honking ) ( screams ) ( horn honks ) some people fall in love. i had to crash into it. you gave us quite a scare.
god. and i ruined your party, too. i'm not concernedwith the party. your date with steve. i know that wasso important to you. halley, i know you werewith macon forrester. mom, it was nothis fault, though. we were trying to leavethis bad party and get home. he was letting me drive--
you guys know i'mthe worse driver in the world. and i could not even see-- halley, save your strength. you're gonna need it to comeup with better excuses. ♪ thinkin' about tomorrow ♪ ♪ tired from all the timei spent ♪ macon wasn't there when i woke up. macon wasn't there when i left. macon wasn't there the whole next week at school.
what do you expect when you break your own rules? any word from him? i guess that's what guysare good at, right? disappearing? ♪ so long ♪ ♪ bye, my friends,so long ♪ ♪ will it everhappen again? ♪ hey. i'm back. you really don't get it,do you?
and i'm really not in the moodto wait for you to grow up. macon? ashley? oh, my god,are you okay? i thinki just dropped my keys. no, they're in the door.come on. ow! hi. stop spinning!stop spinning, stop spinning. i'm not spinning! ( whispers )quiet!
maybe you should be quiet. that's what you should do. ashley.ashley, upstairs. oh, halley,you're such a good sister. shh! whoa...you thinki'm doing those? i am notdoing those. be careful. shh! christ, halley.it's all right!
this is my bachelorette party! i'm a bachelorette! whoa! thank you, little sister. you are the greatest. okay, ashley--ashley! please, just take this. jesus. what-- whoa.
you just... ashley, please. come on. ( whispers )mom is upstairs sleeping. mom's not home. oh, really? and howwould you know that? friday nights she sneaks outto have sex with steve. ( laughing ) she told you that?
she didn't wantyou to know. god, why do people thinkthat i can't handle the truth? ashley... you hatchet-faced scarecrow. you baboon. bag of bones. you sour puss. top of the morning to you. ooh...how is she?
( blows raspberry ) sweetie. a hangover kit. not to appear superior,but i did limit myself to one glass of champagne,thank you very much. if it wasn't for halley,i would've died, probably. no, you just would'vewoken up on the porch. lewis: i bet the neighborswould've loved that. right, especiallywith the, uh,
men's underweararound her neck. underwear? it was nothing.just something stupid. underwear is not "nothing." uh, no, they werepretty much nothing. we promised each otherno strippers. i know, lewis.i know, i know. but i was at the mercyof my friends. don't promises we maketo each other mean anything?
yes, of course they meansomething, lewis! god, don't be so uptight! oh, i'm uptight?i-i-i-- yes, lewis, you are.you are uptight. and you know what else?halley was right about you. you have gota broomstick up your butt. i never said that! lewis: well, guesswho put it there? don't talk to me that way.maybe i'll find somebody fun!
to tell the truth,you are no fun! we made a promiseto each other, but you don't keep it becauseyou're too self-absorbed. don't talk to me that way. lydia: hello.good morning, halley. what's going onin there? i thinkthey're breaking up. ashley: relax. you're no fun. lewis: marriage is a promise--something that has to be kept.
not every argumentleads to a breakup. for real! ( door slams ) the wedding is off. ( ring clatters ) i've been trying to sayi'm sorry. "i'm sorry" doesn't alwayscut it, macon. god! i couldn't stay with youat the hospital. i know i should have,
but think how muchmore freaked out your mom would've gotif she'd have seen me. okay. wow,thank you so much. so, you were ditching mefor my own benefit? no, that's not it. i--i didn't ditch you. okay, i... i freaked out. i'm not used to feelingthis way about somebody.
and i just... i couldn't believei almost lost you, too. come on,i'll help you eat them. no. i don't want any. i can't see you anymore. your mom will get over it. it's not my mom. it's me. and, of course, if you dodecide to get married, i can get my makeupand hair people
to do youon the big day. and if you decidenot to get married, i think you should let themdo some work on you anyway, because you are gonna wantto look your best when you get back out there. darling, there is nothing wrongwith canceling a wedding. no, it's indefinitely postponed. that's what we're supposedto say officially. my mom found out.
actually, i haven't reallyeven made up my mind yet, so if everybodycould just-- oh, honey. give me a hug. sweetie, you never knowwhat's gonna happen. okay? for a while there,i thought i'd never get married. finally, i hadto put my foot down, or my guy herewould never have left-- ( phone rings )
( rings ) i'll get that. hello? honey, it's their mothercalling from virginia. it seems your grandmotherhad a bad fall. your mother wants youto meet her there. do you thinkshe's okay in there? it has been a while. ( yells )grandma, are you all...right?
yes, i'm just smokinga little marijuana. look at that pattern. is it just me, or is that the spittin' imageof abraham lincoln? look, halley, look.see, there's the mole. halley, you must see it! you're the one who sees thingsno one else can see. i do? you're not supposedto be walking yet.
next time you fall like that,you're gonna break your hip. then you're going to die. halley... you rememberwhen we went to see our comettogether? lydia: halley was too youngto remember that. no, i do remember. you can't possibly. you rememberhearing about it after.
no, mom, i do remember. why does no one trust meto know what i know anymore? she doesn't even think that my own memoriesbelong to me. darling,she's your mother. now, tell me aboutthis fella of yours. who told you about that? grandma, it's really over. first loves are neverreally over.
nobody's perfect,sweetheart. but that doesn't meanit wasn't worth your while. oh, boy! do i havethe munchies! what about him? he's notterrible-looking. yeah, he's even cute in that geeky wayyou like guys, ashley. halley, it's... it's lewis.
ashley, love of my life... life of my heart... once again... will you marry me? yes. how crazy. how crazy.i can't believe it. do it. i owe you one. for?
macon's a really great guy. see ya, halley. i had no ideayou guys were like... hanging out. elizabeth gunderson and me? no, we're just-- no, it's fine,because we had our thing, and it was fun... until it wasn't anymore,right?
when the going gets tough,it's best to just keep going, come on, would you listento me for a sec? and to my bride. thank you for showing me that socks don't needto be ironed, that one needn't employthe dewey decimal system for their cd collection, and that, in the end, it really doesn't makea whole lot of difference
whether you startthe toilet paper facing up or down... despite--despite whatmy parents taught me. because, ashley,you have shown me that lifeis worth embracing. even if it means makinga giant fool of yourself. and lucky for me, you're willingto marry the guy who's beenthe biggest fool of all.
so here's to a lifetimeof big, messy, wonderfullyout-of-order moments with the most beautiful womanin the world-- my bride. your big sister isgetting married in 3 1/2 hours. but you knowif you get nervous, you can always... you remember the sign. of course. you taught itto me, remember?
so, you know. just... like that.uh-huh. i'll do something.i'll yell, "fire!" okay? and we're backwith the big dog of soft rock. wdyg, 94 fm."we dig the dog." and this is daddy dog himself,len martin, coming to you todayon a very special day, 'cause one of myvery own puppies, the eldest, ashley, is getting married.
lorna, honey, any words of wisdom coming from you, my very own newlywed? waterproof mascara. len: i'm gonna borrow yours, 'cause daddy is gonna be weeping like a baby. all right, let's kick offthis power hour of love. halley, are you out there?
security! hey, give me--come on. this is my job! my halley? i don't know how to get youto listen, but-- lorna: len, let him talk. just hear me out. um... i suck with words. but sometimes, words aren't the thing.
love isn't about words, it's about what you do. and what i did... running away,it was stupid. we both know love's a big, scary, evil concept. but if you feel it, it's gonna follow you around like a hungry dog no matter how far you run. wait. i didn't mean to say love's a dog, i just mean...
i'm not going anywhere. i love you, halley. if love beats us up, let's just beat it upright back. we could do this, halley. if you're ready to make the jump, i'll be right here to catch you. and what a powerful power hour of loveit has been.
this is len martinfor wdyg, the big dogof soft rock. that's right-- romance is in the air. it's everywhere here today, folks. and this next song is going out to that young lady in question, miss halley martin and her big sister ashley, 'cause daddy loves you. ( wild world by cat stevens plays ) ♪ la-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ la-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ ♪ la-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ ♪ la-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la-la ♪ you look beautiful. you look beautiful, mom. ♪ now that i've losteverything to you ♪ i'm not too oldto wear pink? ♪ and it's breaking my heartyou're leaving ♪ ♪ baby, i'm grieving ♪
i look likea giant helium balloon. come on.we have to go. ♪ hope you have a lotof nice things to wear ♪ i'm gonna walk over. i'll meet you there. ♪ ooh, baby, baby,it's a wild world ♪ ♪ it's hard to get byjust upon a smile ♪ ♪ i'll always remember youlooking like a child, girl ♪ ♪ you know i've seen a lotof what the world can do ♪
♪ and it's breakin'my heart in two ♪ ♪ because i neverwanna see you sad, girl ♪ ♪ don't be a bad girl ♪ ♪ take good care ♪ ( breathing heavily ) oh, macon! ♪ and beware ♪ ♪ well, ooh, baby, baby,it's a wild world ♪ halley!let's get halley!
back seat.i need to lie down. oh! okay... ( wedding march plays ) minister: please be seated. we have come together todayto join in holy matrimony ashley renee martinand lewis gibson warsher ii. if any among youknow any reason why this couplemay not lawfully be married, declare it nowor forever hold your peace.
( congregation chuckles ) do you, lewis, promise to love,honor, and cherish ashley from this day forward,for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all othersas long as you both shall live? ( loudly )i do. and do you, ashley, promise to love,honor, and cherish lewis, for richer or for poorer,
the rings? dear friends, let us ask godto bless these rings as a symbolof their love everlasting. lewis: no. no,the other finger. that's right. ashley, lewis... ( whispers )she's having the baby. shh.please be quiet.
...and honor to declare youhusband and wife. you may now kiss the bride. ( applause ) she's havingthe baby...now. right now? scarlett's having the babyright now. i have to go. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. scarlett's havingthe baby. breathe, breathe, breathe.
wait, wait, wait!no! no! oh, for heaven's sake. it's okay.it's okay. you're gonna have the baby! lewis-- thank you so much. you have gotto do something. that was justa dreadful scene in there. now the seating arrangement'sgonna be a disaster.
one empty seatthrows everything off. mother, stop it. okay? it doesn't getany better than this. halley: squeeze my hand.squeeze my hand. it's okay.we're gonna get there. i assume daddy would liketo be in the delivery room? uh, me?no, no. i-- baby! mommy!
sweetie!hi, sweetie. mommy, i need you. i'm her mother. miss smith? it's okay.oh, thank you. thank you. don't leave me. so, do you hate me? not you, per se. i hate the way your hairfalls in your face.
and i hatethe way your voice gets really lowwhen you're serious. and i hate the wayyou bite your bottom lip when you're nervous. and the way your eyebrowgoes--( whistles )--like that. i hate that. so, that's it? you just hate the wayi walk and talk and look. that jedi mind trick thing?
don't give up on me. i'm not. but you are gonna regretever having messed up. 'cause i'm gonnamake you pay for a long time. but first... you're going to takethree steps towards me. and you're going to wrapyour arms around my waist... and on the count of three... ♪ when you don'thave much to say ♪
♪ that's when i love you ♪ ♪ i love you ♪ ♪ just that way ♪ we're gonna dance. ♪ when you laughat your own jokes ♪ ♪ more than you'll know ♪ ♪ and when you forgetthat we had a date ♪ ♪ that look that you givewhen you show up late ♪ ♪ baby, i love you ♪
♪ i love you anyway ♪ ♪ 'cause here's my promisemade tonight ♪ ♪ you can count on mefor life ♪ ♪ 'cause that'swhen i love you ♪ ♪ when nothing you docan change my mind ♪ ♪ the more i learn,the more i love ♪ ♪ the more my heartcan't get enough ♪ ♪ when i love youno matter what ♪ ♪ oh ♪
♪ when nothing, baby ♪ ♪ nothing you docan change my mind ♪ ♪ no matter what ♪ ♪ la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la-la ♪ ♪ la-la-da-da,da-da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ la-la-la-la,da-da-da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ la-de-da-da-da ♪ ♪ 'cause i neverwanna see you sad, girl ♪ ♪ if you wanna leave,take good care ♪
♪ hope you make a lotof nice friends out there ♪ ♪ but just remember there'sa lot of bad ♪ ♪ oh, baby, baby,it's a wild world ♪ ♪ i'll always remember youlike a child, girl ♪ ♪ la-da-da-da,da-da-da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ la-da-da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ ta-da-da-da-da,ta-da-da ♪ ♪ ta-da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ do-da-da-da ♪
♪ da-da-da-da ♪ ♪ da-da-da,do-da-da ♪ ♪ mm, hm, mm, hm, ♪ ♪ mm, hm, mm ♪ ♪ da-da-de-de-de ♪ ♪ oh-ho ♪ ( continues scatting ) ♪ here's the thingsi've thought about, silly boy ♪ ♪ you're often thought aboutin waves ♪
♪ the sun is settingon my side ♪ ♪ it's all right unlessit's gone away for good ♪ ♪ but it's so hard ♪ ♪ watching you fade away ♪ ♪ and it's too hard ♪ ♪ these are the wavesthat i talked about, silly boy ♪ ♪ don't you forgetabout what i have said ♪ ♪ these are wavesthat i talked about, silly boy ♪ ♪ it's all in your head ♪
♪ it's so hard ♪ ♪ it's all in your head ♪♪
