watch now! detail...
my name is nick. my last name, which i loathe, is twisp. which would be a nice name, if i planned on becoming an evil nurse in a mental institution. i am a voracious reader of classic prose, an aspiring novelist, and feel the world would be a better place if every radio station played frank sinatra's "my one and only love" at least once an hour. needless to say, i'm still a virgin.
i live in oakland with my charming mother. estelle... her latest boyfriend, jerry, is a long-haul truck driver and pathological liar. if a woman answered the phone,it was probably just the maid. he's a real prize. i'm gonna bite you. no. hi. hi, nick.
have three more for you. oh, thanks, mr. ferguson. our neighbor mr. ferguson likes to bring us mail from our mailbox. he's a former activist with a bleeding heart and too much time. he's always getting arrested for staging protests, and harboring illegal aliens in his basement. he's a good man, but very strange. my dad is currently in between jobs. he would love to not have to work at all,
but he's burdened with crippling child-support payments. hey dad, when am i gonna startgetting an allowance? i'm getting tiredof not having a cell phone. i'm afraid you're gonna haveto work it out with your mom. lacey is dad's girlfriend. baby... ...i cooked for you. aw, you made me a snack. come here, you.
she's 25and a budding cosmetologist. i love it. does my baby like it? it's amazing and incredibly irritating to me, how much action everyone around me seems to be getting. with one exception. my sister sawmillie holding handswith some college guy. my friend lefty's had a crush on a girl named millie filbert since third grade.
he's the only person more miserable than i am. you know,i've been taping my dick to my right leg at night,with duct tape. i think of milliein her green summery dress,and i get really hard. so it starts to pushagainst the tape... putting counter-rotationaltension on the shaft. that's nice. right. in case you haven't heard, lefty's erect member
takes a sudden and dramatic turn to the east about midway up. war. well, you mightwant to get it fixedbefore you ask millie out. that's very true. what if i shove itup the wrong hole? what if we go outand she doesn't even like me? we get to know each other,and she hates me? we get married and have a kid, but he's not good at anything,has no talents?
i wonder if it's worth it. either way, you probablywanna get yourdick straightened out. is jerry here? he just went out. that hunk-of-shitchevy he sold us made it 17 milesbefore the engine blew up. and we foundevidence of a bananain the transmission. so he owes us $900. well, i'm quitecertain that he spentthat $900 on his new lincoln.
maybe you'd better come backand speak with him directly,he'd love to hear you out. he's a pretty stubborn man,so you might have toget physical with him. that can be arranged. after living in oakland for 16 years, i've noticed it's filled with women who have zero interest in me. hey, karen. nick. oh, right. physics? american history.you were close.
what is that? oh, la strada .it's a fellini movie. so random. yeah, they were all outof miss congeniality 2, armed and fabulous, so i went for a random... ew, chad. fuck you. oh, fuck you, you love it. hey, does that movie come withtampons for your pussy? you know, chad,i'll be upset if it doesn't.
in the movies, the good guy gets the girl. in real life it's usually the prick. nick, get out here. nick, do you knowanything about this? oh, yeah.those sailors came by.they want their money back. apparently therewas some sort ofbanana in the transmission. you tell them iwas coming back? now, why would i do that? jerry, what are you gonna do?
go get the lincoln washed. you're leaving? what happens whenthat sailor comes back? so to escape the threat of ill-tempered sailors, we're going to clear lake for a week, to stay in a cabin owned by a friend of jerry's. since i have no life, i figure i have nothing to lose. we're going on vacation. jerry. i thought yousaid it was a cabin.
come on, estelle.it's real cute on the inside. i say we letthe kid do the dishes, and you and iretire to the master bedroom. do you thinkit's a puppy love thingwith jerry, or is he someone i can look forwardto having aroundfor years to come? nick, how many men areinterested ina woman who's 48 years old, has a kid, no moneyand stretch marks? i think you're sellingyourself short, mom. leave open the possibilityof a stretch mark fetishist.
oh, watch your smart mouth. so. you're gonna dothe dishes, okay, hon? gerald and i will be in back,playing scrabble. your robe's open. so are you staying near here? -we actually livedown the block.-oh, spitting distance. so to speak. hi, stuck-up. honey,this is sheeni saunders.
she stopped by tointroduce herself.isn't that neighborly? yes. yes. anyway, she's on her way tothe store, so i volunteeredyour help carrying her bags. sounds fun. you know, your family'sarrival excited considerableinterest among the residents. your father'sbeer cooler on the... oh, no, he's not my father. jerry's my mother's consort. he and i have no blood linksof any kind.
well, that seems to beworth something. yesterday the most exciting thing in my life was the thought of jerry being beaten senseless by three angry sailors. now i'm spending time with a beautiful, interesting girl, and i have no idea how it happened. here we are. wow, a second floor. yes.father bought it so wecould look down on the world. what does your father do?
oh. he's a lawyer. wow, this is really nice. where are your parents? they're at church. would you like a tour? sure. kitchen. this is mother'sfarfisa organ.
father added this extensionso he could fitthese 64 pipes in. dining room. here's a family portrait. and this is my room. didn't you justlove breathless ? jean-paul wascompletely gripping. if you like french people,i suppose. yeah. i can see it. i think my favorite filmwas tokyo story .
i just think mizoguchiis a great director. it's a great film. but wasn't that by ozu? who can say? there's nothing quite as goodas vinyl. yeah, it's very textural. do you like frank sinatra? i do. but my all-time favorite is...
...serge gainsbourg. so you really like the french,don't you? i wanna live in france. i wanna live allover the world. i know there's so much morethan this out there. my parents arereligious fanatics. they're exhausting. bye. hey, sheeni?
do you think you'd liketo join me at the beachtomorrow after breakfast? i'd love to. hello, mr. saunders. i'm nick. yes? i'm here to see sheeni. i understandyou've invitedher to the beach. that's right. uh-huh. well, i trust, sir,you are awarethat in doing so,
you have entered intoan oral contract,to perform in loco parentis, i.e., to provide forthe safety and welfare of aforementionedminor female. ready? very ready. bye, father. goodbye, mr. saunders. would you mind applying thisto my exposed areas? hm.
you get turned on easily. don't stop, nick.it's only natural. girls are fortunatein that it doesn't show. for all the world knows,my vagina could be moistwith desire as we speak. is it? should we do my front now? okay. i'm up for it. thank you.
what's your last name? dillinger. twisp. sheeni saunders. she's complicated, mischievous, and at this point, i'd be willing to give up everything in my life to be with her. nick, you're very nice,but i should tellyou i have a boyfriend. oh, i see. his name is trent.
we've been togetherfor a while, actually. what's he like? he's 17, 6'2", fluent in french, plays the piano,is a champion swimmer, and writes futuristpercussive poetry. oh, i'm not familiar withfuturist percussive poems. i could recite one of trent's,if you'd like. please do.
ram dam 12 sizzle mop crunch down safety net hot, hot, hotvoid well, that certainly soundslike a poem. jeez, he sounds great. well, you know,i also have a sweetheartfor the moment, so... really? what's her name?
her name is martha singwall.she's 16. she's got toastedalmond hair, so... she's only justrecently returnedfrom nice, where, uh, she's been conductingsociological research,on the... ...assimilation problemsof ltalian immigrants.workers. down there. she's alsoa professional model thatspecializes in lingerie. she likes me quite a bit.she tells me thatshe loves my hair. she sounds wonderful.
yes, i thinkyou'd like her, sheeni. trent sounds great, too,aside from beingfreakishly tall. he certainly does seemto have a knack for smashingungraceful words together and deeming it a poem. well, thanks fora lovely day, nick. don't mention it. i think of this radiant girl being swept away by some handsome, pretentious poet, and it crushes me. she could never like me.
unless i decided to radically change every detail of my personality, i'm going to die a virgin. sheeni, hi, nice to see you. nick? i was going for a walkand thought i'd drop by, i rememberedthat you lived here. i'm sorryi got so upset about trent. it was very immature.i'm not normally like that. he sounds like a great guy.i'd love to hearmore of his neat poetry.
say, do you wannago to the beach?or get breakfast? actually, i'm going on a hike. i'd ask you to come along,but you haven't got any boots,provisions, maps or a compass. it's fine, i do all my hikingfreeform. like john muir,i enter the wilderness, with nothing more thanmy journal anda childlike sense of wonder. what the hell is going on?this is a private journal. trent is not an affected twit. sheeni, how would you like itif i read your journal? go ahead.
it's written in a shorthandof my own devising. a necessity for a girlwith christian parents. what does this say? wouldn't you like to know? that last passage would beof particular interest to you. i doubt that. i have very little interest inreading about trentpreston's beautiful shoulders. i haven't made lovewith trent, if that'swhat you wanna know. i've only made love onceand it was less than erotic.
but i hear it getsbetter with practice. you're a virgin. i can tell. kiss me, you weenie. sheeni, i think i love you. 'course you do. well,your hormones certainly do. sheeni! yes, mother.i'm just here with nick. let's see this young heathen.
hello, mrs. saunders.it's nice to meet you. i doubt that very much. see you tomorrow, nick. okay. goodbye, sheeni. goodbye, mrs. saunders. look into your soul,young man,before it's too late. i will. jerry sniffed out a trailer he wants to buy, and insisted we go check it out. i told sheeni i was going to write a book about her.
she said it was a terrible idea. jerry, all the closetsare full of mouse doodies. nine hundred. i might take 950. we're in business. nine-ten. oh, come here.come here, come here. oh, hello, hello. nicky, look, isn't he cute?
he's adorable. how much? ten dollars. all i have is a subway cardwith four stickers. sold. thank you, nicky. -i think i'm goingto name him albert. -mmm-hmm. after albert camus. aw.
that night was my first indisputable make-out session with a girl. after grappling in the warm darkness with sheeni, i found this note in my back pocket. i thought she had been caressing my ass. dear nick. please excuse me for reading your journal. i have found that people who can resist temptation, invariably lead depressingly stunted lives. naturally i was charmed by what you wrote about me.
your contemplation of suicide and your invention of martha cannot help but evoke a strong emotional response in my breast. we are both young. let's just live and what happens will happen. yours affectionately, sheeni. i have to leave today. jerry threw hisback out last nightin bed with my mother, so he has to be reunitedwith hispainkillers back in oakland. we're leaving in an hour.
so this will be goodbye. goodbye. you don't haveto act so brave, sheeni. i wouldn't judge youif you started to cry. no, nicky. it's albert. he snuck out ofmy room last night. when i woke up,he had shreddedthe family bible. my parents took itas a sign of evil. now i have to find someonewho will take him.
well, i'll take him. you will? i'll have to hidehim from my mother because she can't stand dogs, but it's a riski'm willing to take. he's our lovechild. sheeni, i can't standthe thought of you falling in love with someegotistical poetwhile i'm gone. i've hada great time with you.
it was a reallylovely summer fling. but i can't put mywhole life on hold. you don't even live here. but we couldrun away together.we can escape our families, live like outlaws together. no offense, nicky,but it's not exactlyin your constitution. what if my dad couldget a job up here in ukiah and i could comelive with him? my mother depends onthe child-support money,
but maybe icould get kicked out. that's a lot of what-ifs. do you think you could help mefind some job opportunitiesup here for my dad? it's possible. we can do this, sheeni.this can happen. well, look at youtaking controlof the situation. i'll do whatever i have to do. i've never had anythingin my life that iwanted to fight for so much. then we'll haveto figure out a wayfor you to be kicked out.
you have to be bad, nicky. be very, very bad. i have a tallmountain to climb, with many treacherous glaciersto cross. but finally i'veobtained an entry visa to the paradisethat lays beyond. i won't let himout of my sight. where's the nova? see that, babe?they took it back.
sailors are all talk, all the time. jerry. shit on a goddamn dick. i have spent the last 15 yearstrying to get thishouse to look just perfect! oh, god, nick.go get a pan quick.it's dripping on my new shag. yeah, i'll get a pan. you should have given that manhis money back. holy shit. there's still waterin the windshield thing.
but how'd theyeven get it in here? looks like they took it apartpiece by piece and then reassembled it. but that would take an army ofmechanics to do that. or a navy. or a navy, baby. i told myparents about my sistergoing all the way with carlo. now she's playing that damnashlee simpson albumover and over again. my life isa living hell, nick.it is a living hell.
damn.i think i've got somethingto cheer you up, my friend. his name is albert. i don't know whyyou have a dog. you hate dogs. this is more than a dog. this is my only tangible linkto the love of my life. you met a girl? she isn't just a girl, lefty. she's a comely angel, sent to teach me aboutall that is good in the world.
is she prettierthan millie filbert? lefty, after seeing sheeniyou would look at millie, and you would see no more thana slatternly wench trying to muddy yourperception of what the standard for a pretty girlshould be. how do i know you're notmaking this girl up? oh, wow. your life hasreally changed sincei last saw you, nick.
how are thingsgoing with millie? oh. um. i got this book, lovemaking for advanced gourmets . i'm looking up some tipsso i can really blow her mind. for instance,there's one in here... ...you're supposed tostick your pinkieinside of a girl's bumhole. read it and weep. liar. i have it marked right there.
whoa. i think that sheeni might findthis pinkietechnique less than romantic. could i borrow this?might be one or twothings in here i should know. yeah, it's fine. hello? hi, nicky. have you anymisdeeds to report? i'm working on it. nicky.
you sound concerned. if you don't take the initiative, how do you think you'll feelwhen i marry francois? who's francois? my future french husband. huh. well, i mean, i can't wait for you forever. nick,how is my darling albert? albert is great.
we've been going onthese bondingjogs twice daily, which he loves.i've been enjoying them too. they've been getting meinto greatphysical shape, so... that's wonderful, darling. my one and only love needs me to be bad, to overcome the inhibitions that compel me to be law-abiding, polite to my elders and excessively nice. i have decided to create a supplementary persona named francois dillinger.
bold, contemptuous of authority, and irresistible to women. francois is just the type of aggressive sociopath who can wage, and win, a war of nerves. better give yourmother a hug, son. oh, no. it turns out jerry had a heart attack in a dallas bar and took it rather badly. he died.
when will the body arrive? i'm afraid it's already beenshipped, ma'am... ...to his wife. his wife? yes, ma'am, his wife. it's also myduty to inform you she wishes toclaim the lincoln which he registeredto this address. it's okay.
there, there.it's gonna be okay. there, there.everything will be okay. those are my records.what are you doing? you're not gonna get this girllistening to records and jerking off. well, that wasn'tmy entire plan. what is your plan, shithead? slouching your shoulderswhile trent boyhas her on his lap? i don't need youhere right now.i just need to think.
well, i'm not going anywhere. not until yousink your filthydick in this tomato. not until youget what you want. now it's time to rebel, nick. it's time to be bad. it's not a good day for that.my mom just gotsome devastating news. that's perfect. she's vulnerable. she's fragile.
now, what does she valuemore than anything? she values her things. with the guidance of francois, i have quickly transformed myself into a textbook juvenile delinquent. sheeni has held up her end of the bargain by finding dad work at a trade magazine called progressive plywood. she called him pretending to be a headhunter and pitched him the job. she said it took some convincing on her part. sounds like a cool magazine,but i really don'tknow much about wood.
that's not what i've heard. to my chagrin, the magazine is owned by the father of trent preston. let me go first,this is heavy. sheeni insisted there were no other options. nice house, right? oh, thank you. oh, thanks. ex-squeeze me. sit over there. oh, nicky.
morning, everyone. isn't it nice ofofficer westcottto drop by so early and have breakfast with us? oh, it sure was.yeah, it was nice. oh, your father called.he got a job in ukiah. oh wow, that's good for him. good. do you think it might bea good idea if i movedin with him and lacey? you know as well as i dothat's not gonna work.
i depend on thatchild support money to eat. shouldn't youdepend on child-supportmoney to support your child? hey, be nice to your mom, kid.she's grievin'. when do i take this conditioner off? just leave it on for three minutes. shit. those fuckersare taking a shower together. how repulsive. shit! shit! turn it off!
fuck! what was all thatracket last night? nicky, i'm sorryif we disturbed you. you know, this is my home too. all of a sudden some strangerstarts staying over,i'm not even consulted. what's with you, kid?just mind yourown damn business. no, you mind your business. he's my son. nicky, you're right.i should have
informed you thatofficer westcott was gonna bespending the evening.i'm sorry. i thought therewere laws in the cityagainst illicit cohabitation. or are they just anotherbig policeman's joke? kid,you're asking for trouble.just don't. just don't. or what are you gonna do? shoot me with your gun? all right, all right. lance.okay, okay, okay.
you just shutyour mouth right now.right now. thanks for breakfast. where are you going? what are those for? you and i aregonna find a nice quiet parking lot and setthis baby on fire. i thought wewere gonna wreck it. use your head. no sense gettingkilled for a girl.
sure you knowwhat you're doing? relax, kid. i read the book. okay, pull over. pull over. we have to pull over. pull over. now. we need toconsider our actions and whatthe consequences will be. listen, asshole. you've been makingallthe decisions for 16 years,
and look at where you are. i'm here to rescueyou from yourself. just be quietand let me blow some shit up. can i make one request sinceit's my life thatwe're talking about here? can we keep it to the absoluteminimum amount of destruction? yeah, perfect. okay. absolute minimum. that's good. i like that. let's get out of here!
oh! luckily no deaths or major injuries were reported, though several firefighters were hospitalized due to... hi, guys. how was dinner? keep your lips sewn, fucker. you stole yourmother's car and trailerand you set a $5,000,000 fire? i refuse to stand forsuch allegations. nicky, they have a descriptionof the arsonist. right here."white teenage male,approximately 5'9".
135 pounds, dirty blond hair. last seen pullinga trailer with the words 'god's perfect asshole'painted on the side." that could be anyone. oh god, my only sonis going to prison.what am i gonna do? no, no, no. shh. it's gonna be okay. you know what?i'll tell you what. i'll just say thatnick reported the carstolen before the fire.
this way it'll gethim off the hook. okay? but i could take some serious,serious heat for this. oh, lance,you are so wonderful. what can i everdo to repay you? i'll think of something. oh, but you know what?you know what, baby? i don't think he should behere whenthe detectives come around. right? so, the best thing to dois to send himaway for a while.
let him go makehis father's lifemiserable for a change. but i like it here. you're gone, buster. hello? your son justburned down half of berkeley.come and get the little brat. start packingyour bags, mister. oh, no, no. aren't yougoing to punish him? i'd say hedeserves a good hiding.
he's just too much for meanymore. can you do it, hon? yeah, i could help you out. i stepped away for a few minutes. francois volunteered to take the thrashing. a painful sacrifice for the woman i love. you through, big man? so off we go to beautiful ukiah, where soon i'll be in the warm embrace of the mother of my future gifted children.
sheeni, it's nick. hi, darling. where are you? i'm here. i'm in ukiah. i'm living with my dad. my mother kicked me out. how did you do it? i stole my mother's car and trailer and burned downhalf of berkeley. she had no choice but to send me away. nicky, that's incredible.
well, i did it for you, sheeni. i did it so that wecould be together. i bet you didn'tthink i had it in me, did you? that is so romantic, nicky.i don't know what to say. it'll be just like we planned. it'll be youand me and albert,and we'll all be together. hello, mr. saunders.is sheeni available? she most certainly is not. we know all about what you didin berkeley, young man.
you are luckyi don't strangle youright here in christ's eyes. you're the deviland that dog is a hell beast. you're lucky wedon't call the police and have youarrested right now. you're not gonna let mesee sheeni? sheeni's leaving.we're sending her away. what? to boarding school,where she'll be safe. she's had a lot ofbad influences here in ukiah,you being the worst.
i'm in love with sheeni.i can't live without her. you can live without heror die, we have no preference. stay out of our family's life. later sheeni called and told me she managed to turn disaster into an opportunity for herself. she convinced her parents to send her to a french prep school 200 miles away in santa cruz. she says she's been wanting to go to this school since she was a little girl and that going there will improve her chances for going to school in paris.
things are bad. how am i supposed to eat with this hideous dog staring at me? he likes you, george. well,the feeling's not mutual. since you won't begetting an allowance, you might wanna thinkabout getting a part-time job. there's an opening atmy office. typing andfiling after school. isn't that whatthat boy trent does? trent went away to somefrench-speaking prep school...
...down south.santa cruz, i think. hello. you're new here, right? yeah. i'm vijay joshi.it's nice to meet you. nick twisp.pleasure to meet you. so have you made many friendsin ukiah yet, nick? not really. i moved here formy girlfriend and she just went to somefrench school in santa cruz.
sheeni saunders? yeah. did you know her? we were locker neighbors. so you are her new fellow? i'm surprised. why's that? it's just that to replacethe magnificent trent preston, one expects atleast a minor deity. anyhow, it's good to knowus short fellows haveappeal with the ladies.
right. i believei'm of averageheight for my age, vijay. do tell sheeni i say hello. how fortunateto attend l'ecole des arts. i've always wanted to go. do you speak french? yes, fluently. she says english is forbiddenon campus. "even if you are hemorrhagingfrom an accidentallimb amputation." she has a roommatefrom new york named taggarty,
who has already slept with17 guys, and hopes torack up 50 before college. i really must meet this girl. keep going. she says trent hastaken up windsurfing, and become target number one among allthe girls in her class. she's trying notto be jealous, but sometimes experiencestwinges of distress. she also saysthat trent's presence
on campus came asa shock to her, and goes on to saythat it is merelya fortuitous coincidence that they transferredto the same school. yeah.somehow i can't feature that. trent hasexpressed an interest inmending the relationship, and getting on like adults.i think all inall she's happy, and looks forwardto growth in this richintellectual environment. -i don't like the soundof this. -no. and that roommate sounds likea bad influence.
she certainlysounds uninhibited. i wonder if shelikes intelligent boys. trent preston isgonna mindfuck her into thinkingshe's too good for me. then he's probablygoing to fuck herin more literal ways. i've gotta get down there. i could accompany you and meetthis magnificent taggarty. okay. how are we gonnaget down there? we could use mygrandmother's car.
will she let us have it? she's hooked up tolife-support equipment. permission is nota salient issue. vijay, that's great. excuse me. do you guys knowsheeni saunders? very helpful. are you fucking kidding me? do you see her? i'm afraid not.
do you guys knowsheeni saunders? sheeni saunders.do you speak english? do you speak english? you don't speak english? liar. bullshit. speak english to me. nobody speaks english?this is america. you fucking kidding me? sheeni.
albert. i can't believe youcame all this way.and with albert. i had to see you, sheeni. i can't stopthinking about you. that's sweet. and albert won't stoptalking about you. you two boysshouldn't sleepin you car tonight. it might not be safe. -we could sneak you inafter lights out.-sounds great.
i'm in. there's your competition. you think that trent fellowwould sleep on the floor? hey. i'm sorry, sweetie,but not with otherpeople in the room. good night. night. who are you? i'm sheeni's friend nick.i'm sorry tohave disturbed you.
it's okay.you don't have to go. so are you sheeni's boyfriendor something? -and you're spendingthe night? -mmm-hmm. where's taggarty? sleeping. a friend and iare just campingout on the floor. i get it. a slumber party. i'm bernice. bernice lynch.not that you asked. bernice lynch,that's a very pretty name.
i think that myfriend trent prestonmight have mentioned you. yeah, bernice lynch.but he said that you were frumpyand unpresentable. now that i've met you,i can see that trentis a lying bastard. i shouldn't be hisfriend if he goes around calling girls like youtrashy-looking. what kind of person does that? but, you know, he's been verysensitive and touchy ever since hestarted doing steroids.
trent does steroids? he does a lot of steroids. he says it's to ensure thathe becomesthe best windsurfer. he figures since hecan't write poetry,he has to plagiarize... you mean all ofhis poetry is stolen? of course.it's all classic bobby frost.every word. trent and sheenican go to hell. hey,it's a bit cold on the floor. yeah.do you think maybe icould cuddle next to you?
the whole night? yeah,i guess that would be okay. or we could domore than just cuddle. i love it whenyou say my name. why don't you pull down theseblankets, and show me whatyou're hiding under there? is that whatyou want me to do? say yes. that is exactlywhat i want you to do. and then i wannatickle your belly button...
...from the inside. nick, you're being so bad. not half as bad as thenasty things i wanna do toyou right now with my tongue. i'm gonna wrap your legsaround my head, and wear youlike the crown that you are. if that's okay with you. my god, what's gotteninto you tonight? i don't know,but let's go with it. nick! nick. you have to take albert.
god, we were so close. fuck. how was it, vijay? it was magnificent. i fear it could beterribly addicting. this night has ignited in mea lust ofdisturbing insatiability. yeah, well, congratulations. fuck, fuck, fuck! fuck. fuck. fuck.
mr. ferguson, it's nick. oh, nick boy. how are you, son? not so good, mr. ferguson. i'm attempting to smugglea young illegal immigrant who's fleeing politicaloppression onthe subcontinent, but we've become strandedin our attempts, and now we facenot being able to get tothe sanctuary at all, so... oh, dear, the poor lad. yeah, it's breaking my heart.he's gotthe saddest look on his face.
those poor girls. they'll likelynotify their parents,perhaps even expel them. expel them? oh, my god, you're right. they'll be expelled. sheeni will have tocome back to ukiah. bernice, you sweet angelof the lavatory. come on. mr. ferguson.
good heavens. you boys must be freezing. and this must bethe little soldier. welcome. what's happenedto your clothes, son? um, um... ins took them. damn them. when i wasarriving by the customs, sir.it was so terrible.
they told me i was even luckyto keep my knickers. well, that nightmare is over. and why don't you haveany clothes on, nick? solidarity. thanks for getting us,mr. ferguson. so this safehouse is in ukiah? you're certainthey'll take care of him? oh, yeah. they'll treat himas if he were their own. after we dropped vijay off, i asked mr. ferguson to spend the night.
i figured it would give dad a chance to reciprocate for all the nights he spent on mr. ferguson's couch before he and mom finally tossed in the towel. mr. ferguson agreed not to tell dad about the refugee. he understands that sometimes you have to lie for a greater cause. lacey : you are a tight-assed, critical... ...sexist drunk! hey, honey,it doesn't bother me ifyou wanna sleep alone. well, does it bother youthat you'rea boring selfish lover?
hey, i ran intomr. ferguson downtown. is it okay if hespends the night? what the hell are you doingin your underwear? want a hit? sorry, do i know you? i'm paul.sheeni's older brother. come on in. how'd you knowit was me, paul? we've met.
no, we haven't. in a previous life. nice fire. did sheeni tellyou that was me? she didn't have to. why? was i an arsonistin a previous life? no... ...but sheeni was. that's very good.
so, i spoke withtaggarty onthe phone this morning. she has requestedi send her a wallet-sizedphotograph for her wall. so did they get expelled? no. apparently taggartywas able to convincethe matron it was innocent. innocent? are you kidding me? i could have cutthe sexual intercoursein that room with a knife. francois feels that a man can only take so much before his dignity demands he rise up against an absurd and unjust universe.
i'm going to need a partner in crime. "dear bernice, it was nice meeting you in the bathroom. i hope your stomach has settled. i know you informed the matron of our presence, but i want you to know i hold no grudge. you were still upset from hearing all the horrible things trent preston has been saying about you and probably weren't yourself. i think trent really needs to be taught a lesson
for calling you a fat cow and an ugly whore. i suggest you take revenge by getting sheeni kicked out of school. everyone knows it would crush trent if she were sent away. how to get her kicked out of school, you may ask? i have included a number of sleeping pills with this note. you must introduce one into her breakfast beverage each morning. she may be intelligent and beautiful, but is not likely to pass her courses
if she is falling asleep in class. since meeting you, i have come to realize my interest in sheeni was merely an adolescent infatuation. you seem like a much more genuine person. do you suppose there is any truth to the rumors that trent lost his virginity to his first cousin? perhaps you should ask around and see if anyone else heard that. be strong, bernice. take courage. affectionately yours, nick twisp. "
hi, folks. i didn't realizeyou two knew each other. we met the other dayand got to talking, and realized we both know you. isn't life funny?paul, don't you think? only slightly. we saved you some mushrooms,nick. it's gonna change your life. yeah, they're pretty powerful,so only take two.
have fun. lacey. what in fuck areyou people doing? nick, what the fuckis going on? okay, george.just calm down now. who the...what... calm down,before the neighborscall the sheriff. okay, lacey, come on. okay. you got it? you got it.
get your hands off me,you fuck. easy, george. i apologize. bye, guys. bye, nicky. you know, sheeni's coming homefor thanksgiving dinner. you should be there. but, paul,your parents despise me. dinner's at 2.hope you like turkey.
nick. hi, mom. what's up? hi honey, how are you? i'm fine, mom. lance and i are through. he was being very rude to me. and at my age, i don't have tostand for that. that's good to hear, mom. maybe you shouldtry and be single for a while.
romances don't seem to beyour calling in life. listen, nicky,when lance stormed out, he said he was throughcovering for you. the berkeley police know that you set that fire, and lance told them where you are. nicky,they're coming to arrest you. okay, mom. thanks for calling.happy thanksgiving. you're still going over there?we need to get out of town. what about sheeni?
think. is this bitch worthgoing to jail for? hi, paul. oh, hi nick. right on time. come on in. thanks. i brought somemaple bars for dessert. they're really good. fantastic. they smell good.
happy thanksgiving, nicky. oh, hey, lacey. i brought some maple bars. oh, thank you.i'll set them out. mr. and mrs. saunders,you remember nick, don't you? paul served theman appetizer earlier. stuffed mushrooms. what's wrong? what's wrong? i was expelled.
what? why? for falling asleep in class. for my grades. i'm stuck backhere with my parents inthis horrible trailer. my brother's lost his mind.he's drugged everyone. let's get out of here. let's run away together. the police are after me.they know that istarted the fire. but we could beoutlaws together,just like we planned.
i have to think. sheeni. dinner's ready. everything's really delicious. paul prepared the entire meal. he just lovesall the traditionalthanksgiving foods. well, i hope it's the firstof many suchoccasions for myself. i'll get it. ls someone here? happy thanksgiving, sweetie.
trent. what are you doing here? can i come in? of course. hello, everyone. trent,this is lacey, paul's friend. yes, we've met beforeat my father's office. yes. you're looking wonderful,lacey.
you, too. happy thanksgiving. it's great to see you. and this is nick. hello, nick. hello, trent. have a seat, trent. i'm sorry,sheeni, but i can't. in fact,i have a bit of bad news.
what is it? before i left school, isearched the room of bernicelynch from top to bottom. did you obtainproper authorizationfrom school officials? no, nick.i acted on my own initiative. i was curious as to whya girl as sweet as bernice would color mein such an unflattering light. in bernice's closet,i found... ...this letter. in the letter,the writer expresses
a strong affectionfor bernice, and instructsher to begina program of sedating sheeni with drugs that he himselfsupplied. nicky, you didn't.you could have killed me. bad break, nick. who died? no one yet, mrs. saunders. arrest him. i can't arrest him.
but i have called thesanta cruz police, and they'reon their way here right now. well, i'll be leaving. please continue without me. i would advise youto remain here, and face the consequencesof your actions like a man. well, thank you for thatunsolicited counsel, trent. and please do drop dead. goodbye, sheeni. i need your help.we need to hurry.
we need to getout of here, okay? we need to leave. nick,where the hell have you been? the cops were looking for you. they barged in, foundmy illegal satellite dish... we need to go right now.i need you to putme up in a motel. are you fucking crazy? do you expect me to let youget away with all this? that's it.i'm calling the cops.
dad, you're gonna sendyour only son to prison? hey, i don't need a lecturefrom a fucking arsonist. at least give me your carso i can get out of here. if you think i'mgonna give you my car yougot another thing coming. dad! you're nota little kid anymore. you gotta face the music,nick. dad. open this door, nick.
i'm warning you,don't you do this. open this door.you open this... nick, get back here. you stop this car right now,i'm warning you. you're in trouble! we stopping toadmirethe scenery or something? i don't want toleave without sheeni. cut the shit. i can live as a woman.i can change myname to carlotta.
why don't youstart the fucking car? i can't leavewith her hating me.i have to go back. i have to tell herthat everything idid was for her. let me paint youa little picture, nick. you go back, they bust you,you go to jail. sheeni goes on with her life. fuck sheeni. all right. i'm gonna help youget back to your lady.
but you betterget laid this time. because if you end upgoing to jail a virgin,i won't be sticking around. now give me 25 cents,carlotta. officer lance westcott,please. one moment. officer westcott. hey, asshole, it's me. nick. you little shit. you know you're going to jail, right? i'm calling tomake it easy for you.
i'll be at hazel park,in one hour. round upyour donut-dipping friends. i'm turning myself in.fuck you. holy shit,you've lost your mind. wait. ...patience is beginning to wear thin, and they understand why. terrence? the measure goes before the full state legislature at the end of the current session.
repeating our top story, an oakland police source has identified nicholas twisp as a suspect in last september's massive fire in downtown berkeley. we now have an exclusive interview with one of twisp's former classmates. i just hope that society isn't severe in judging nicholas. so often my generation is portrayed as a juvenile and wasteful group. he needs help.
and he's better off in the hands of the authorities. twisp is 5'9", 135 pounds, with brown eyes, dirty blond hair and a pale complexion. he was last seen in the vicinity of ukiah. who's that? hello, mrs. saunders. i'm carlotta,sheeni's friend from school. oh, hello there. i've come tomemorize church hymns
with sheeni forthis sunday's services. sheeni's coming to church? that's my understanding, yeah. oh, well, please do come in. thank you. thank you. sheeni? your friend carlotta's here. phil, this is carlotta. she says that sheeni'scoming to churchwith her on sunday.
well, nice to meet you,young lady. nice to meet you,mr. saunders. hello, sheeni. hello, carlotta. may i come up? you got me expelled. i'm sorry, sheeni. do you realizewhat life is like for me here? do you have any idea?
sheeni, i've been alonemy whole life. i do know what it's like. i burned downberkeley for you. i destroyed bothof my parents' cars. i've lied and manipulatedand had you sedated. i did all that so that we wouldn't have to bealone anymore. you're him, aren't you? i'm him?
you're my francois. you're the onei've been looking for. sheeni, i want what you want. i wanna liveall over the worldand have adventures. but i'm not francois. i'm the guy who saw youand fell in love with you, and would do anything for you. that's who i am.
i don't wanna give you this, but i don't have anything elseto discard. thank you very muchand here's your change. always shop at... it's a wonderthat humankind has constructed anykind of civilization, with thismonumentaldistraction at hand. i brought the police. i wasn't fooled forone second when i sawthat ugly girl walking up.
you were lurkingoutside my house? protecting you. trent,you're a very nice person, but i just don't havethose feelings for you. you're going to jail. i don't wanna hurt you. i'll only ask oncethat you and your adorable sweaterstep away from the... oh, fuck.
let go of me. son of a bitch. come here, you little shit. get off, you son of a bitch. get off of me. this is the arsonist. just relax. it's over. i might be awayfor a long time, darling.
you're 16. you're going tojuvenile detention. you'll be out in three months. so you'll wait for me? where the hellelse am i gonna go? while i'm headed for a stint in juvenile detention, i can at least feel comforted by the fact that i'm not going in a virgin. and at lunchtime, when the hardened offenders gather round
to swap tales of teenage rebellion, i bet they'll find mine hard to top. sheeni saysshe'll wait for me, and that when i'm released,we'll finally betogether and free. and i believe her. i can feel in myheart that sheeniis in love with me. not with some fantasy loverin a french romantic novel, but with me, nick twisp.
it's funny. after all that, nick twisp was enough.
