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[ man ]the battle has begun. an evil is spreading. we must fightto save our civilization. fight or die. [ growling ] the strain. all new.sundays at 10:00 on fx. fx presents... sex & drugs & rock & roll. [scorching guitar chord]
(man)whoa! slow down, johnny. oh, man, it's the best blowi've ever done. it's got little greenflakes in it, man. uh. that's the cokeright there. what-- oh, god. wow. (man)bro, are you all right?
yeah! ♪ lots of money ♪ ♪ plenty of cocaine, yeah ♪ ♪ somebody somewheregonna know my name ♪ ♪ i'm gonna hit this citytonight ♪ ♪ where it lives and breathes ♪ (dave)well, honestly,if it weren't for the heathens, i don't thinkthere would have been a nirvana. we saw the heathensat cbgb's,
and holy shit, man--it changed our lives. (all)♪ sex and drugsand rock and roll ♪ (greg)it was like if the who[bleep] the clash. they had four kidscalled the heathens. (all)♪ rock and roll ♪ ♪ all right ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ mick jagger can doanything he wants ♪ ♪ fly his jumbo jetto his own caribbean haunt ♪
johnny lived with all threeof his backup singers. and they were hot. (ava)he was so musically gifted. he had this magnetism and confidenceabout his fate that drew us to him. he was writing songsthat expressed the anger and turmoilof an entire generation. plus, he alwayshad a lot of drugs.
♪ sex and drugsand rock and roll ♪ ♪ gonna save my dirty soul ♪ (dave)johnny wasn't just in a bandcalled the heathens. he was an actual heathen. [rock and roll music] [sniffing and snorting] there's always blowin the rug. ♪ i don't want to die ♪ ♪ not a word ♪
♪ no, i don't want to die ♪ (man)they were the real deal. and that song,sex, drugs, and rock and roll-- they were gonna be huge. made the record. record companysnuck it to the critics. critics were raving about it. the album cover was dope. (flash)i hated that album cover.
it was just his big head. you had to squintto see the rest of us. (dave)being in a rock band-- there's no such thingas a democracy. there's always someoneat the wheel, and it's usually the biggest[bleep] up of them all. ♪ all kinds of people ♪ ♪ worshipping whatever i do ♪ (flash)his ego? out of control.
i spent half my timebreaking up fights between flash and johnny. - guys.- come on! (flash)johnny never cared about anybodybut himself. he didn't care about the restof the band. he never listened. (johnny)bullshit, man. that bandwas like a family to me. all i thought aboutwas the heathens 24/7.
[laughing]he slept with my fiancã©e. [laughs] he did. did not sleep with his fiancã©e. (man)you didn't sleep with simone? simone was his fiancã©e? he slept with my wife. i did not sleep with his wife. she blew me.
how is that my fault? album came outon tuesday morning, and the band broke upthat night. cat, who was an amazingsinger/songwriter in her own right,split. i do a lot of session work. hired gun kind of stuff. i'm on tour right nowwith lady gaga. i got 770,000 twitter followers.
i'm @gagaleadguitar. you put "gaga" into anything-- @gaga "blah-blah-blah." @gagamycock. @gagashoe. @gagabanana. you're gonna geta million followers. i'm on tourwith the whigs right now, and i guarantee you
johnny crashesthe new york show high on blowasking me for a favor. [guitar riff] (johnny)i can't believe dullihad security keep me from going backstage. wait till he sees this chickthat was staring at me. (ava)ugh, my feet hurt, and, like,20 minutes already. okay, let'swrap this up. there's no girl inthe blue dress, john.
looks like you'restill stuck with me. - or vice versa.- she had a blue dress on. big blue eyes. she was looking at methe whole gig. sure that was cokeyou snorted and not some householdcleaning product? [laughter] there she is. [bass guitar riff]
(man)♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ that girl? - that's her.- what? - oh, my god.- oh-ho! you think that girlis interested in you. - yeah.- wow. she's gorgeous.oh. i wish my titsstill looked like that.
maybe she thinksyou're david bowie out on a big-ass bender. or david bowie's dad. [mumbling indistinctly] what? holy shit.john. those vicodinsi gave you-- how many did you take? snorted all three.
you snorted all three? you can understand him? i was on tour with thepogues for nine months. i speak shane macgowan. uh-huh. okay.this i got to see. get on over there,big boy. come on.pony up. - yeah?- yeah.
okay. ladies and gentlemen... [inhales sharply] (slurred)my chariot awaits. my chariot awaits. now he's quotingthe bible. yeah, you're gonna needdivine intervention just to make itacross the room. okay.watch this.
oh, i'm watching. ten bucks sayshe pukes on her. [steady dramatic drumbeat] [acoustic guitar music] ♪ ♪ (man)♪ flame ♪ ♪ the diamond in the chain ♪ ♪ still i would-- ♪ [hearty laughter]
he's up. [chuckles] (all)oh! piece of shit. you're an asshole. you want proof? all right, go.go, go. go. what's the lowest thing you guyshave seen me do? today?
[disheartened laugh] [takes a deep breath] turns outthat girl i was trying to slip the tongue to... she's my daughter. holy shit. so... she's available? [sighs]
man, you go to bed one night. you wake up--it's 25 years later. (ava)it seems likejust a few years ago everything was sittingright in front of us. all of our dreams, just waitingfor us to make them pop. and then, one day, you wake up,and it's like three decades later. i got my mom's handsand my father's tits.
honey, you don't haveyour father's tits. 30 years ago, i thoughti was gonna meet david bowie. instead i ended up with you. baby, i'm sorry. i don't know what to say. oh. no, no, no, no. i didn't mean itthat way. listen. when we're up onthat stage together
and the spotlightis shining down on us and you're singingyour newest songs and i hear the painand the soul in your voice, i realize therehas to be a reason. there has to be some reason why we haven't made it yet. some reason whyit's taking so long but we're stillchasing these dreams. you know what that reason is?
no, i'm asking youwhat the reason is. i don't know. shit. (johnny)you're dropping me as a client? not in here. this is bullshit, ira. i'm out of options,my friend. you won't play covers, which cancels outweddings,
hotel lounges,cruise ships. you won't sing jingles. i'm an artist. an unbookable artist. you book a monkeywho does balloon animals. his name is steve, and he doesballoon humans. that's his hook. steve stays,but i go.
steve works; he's bookedat birthday parties from now until nexteaster, unlike you. john, you're 50and you're not famous. and you won't let otherpeople sing your songs. in rock and roll, you knowwhat that makes you? a bartender. the dream is over. time to move on. ira, listen.
you know i can'twork a regular job. i don't havethe skills for that. you got toget me a gig. i'll take anything.come on. there's gotto be something. bears with bikes needsa rhythm guitar player. i can't play witha bunch of pretentiousindie-rock assholes. they're four bearswho ride bikes.
you play them onand offstage. you want meto join the circus. oh.summer of '69. what's that?a sex show? bryan adams tribute band. their bryan adams left to be the new stingin stung. what, i can't bethe new sting in stung? not when you look like
bryan adams's grandfather. jon non-jovi. jon non-jovi... their fake sambora fired their fake bon jovi because he's going bald. for real; now, you stillgot a nice head of hair. what do these assholesmake for playing other people's songs?
15 to 20 grand. a year. a week. a week? summer of '69 is lessthan half that. still very, very nice. [phone rings] all right.bryan adams. non bon jovi.
that's all i gotfor you, my friend. okay? this is about steve.i got to take this. i've never asked youfor anything. okay, i did ask you to keep mefrom having a heart attack that one time we didthe pink blow from peru-- the two times i didthe pink blow from peru-- but you got tohelp me out here. i'll--i'll quit drugs. for real this time.i swear to god.
you just--you-- you got to give mesomething, man. some kind of a signor something. i--i can't just be,like, a bartender or just likea regular person. i mean, why did yougive me all this talent if i was just gonna fail? what am i doing? praying to a guy i don'teven really believe in.
or a chick. - hey.- okay. ah!what gig did feinbaum get you? bryan adamstribute band. - oh!- all right. listen. no, honey.it sounds worse than it is. - okay? it could be way worse.- really? - yes.- how? - jon non-jovi. okay?- oh, my god.
- what?- oh, my god. this is it.this is what happens. hacking knock-off bandsafter three goddamn decades. honey.honey, listen to me. the bryan adamstribute thing pays, like,eight grand a week, and the non-jovi thingcould be twice as much as that. oh, my god, you'reactually considering this. - look--who's gonna know?- i'm gonna know.
- nobody's gonna know.- okay? i'm gonna know. go to hell, johnny. oh, wait. you're in a fakebon jovi band. well, guess what?you're already there. - honey, i just--- hang on, you guys. - we got company.- what do they want? probably money.
yo, bitch. if it's moneyyou're looking for, you're barking upthe wrong friggin' tree. so screw. i don't need any moneyfrom you assholes. i'm rich. i love your shoes! - hey!- what's going on? i'm so sorry about kickingyou in the nuts last night, dad.
nah.not a problem. this is my friend becky. - hey.- hi. it's our first timein new york. hey, how's it going? well, we wentto the 9/11 museum at ground zero. it was so awesome. yeah, and then we sawsome famous people
at this club downtownlast night. oh, yeah, miley cyrus'shalf-sister, brandi, and lindsay lohan'smom--deans. those peopleare not famous. i know, right?they're beyond famous. - they're huge.- no, the beatles were huge. - yeah.- sinatra. paul newman. - they were huge.- what do you mean were? what happened to paul newman?
paul newman died,like, five years ago. - the popcorn guy?- no, no. he was a chef. speaking of fame,that's why i'm here. i need you to help meget famous. - aww.- aww. famous how? she's anunbelievable singer. no, no, no. i'm not getting involvedin some hick from ohio's
ridiculous pipe dream--no way. you know, my mom would neverlet me be in a band or anything because shehates show business, but she told methat once i moved out, i could do whatever i wanted. so this hick from ohiomoved out. congratulations. and then she gave me$200,000. great name for a band:pipe dream.
yes. i can sing,but i can't write, so i need you and flashto write me some songs. i don't need flashto write 'em. i can write 'emon my own. oh, i'm sorry.your solo album sucked. his solo album sucked. but the songs you guyswrote together for the heathenswere awesome.
- plus, he's kind of famous.- really famous. he's not kind of famous.he's not even close. i'm sorry, are yougaga's new guitar player? - oh, my god.- oh! - does he know gaga?- yeah. he does. does he breathe the same exaltedair that she does on a daily basis? yep. let me explainsomething to you, okay?
he should apologize to mebecause he broke up with me, not vice versa. oh, god, you don't have to besuch a little bitch about it. tell flash not to besuch a bitch about it. oh, my god, i will pay youtwo grand in cash if you go sit down with flash. i'll tell him myselfin person. i booked a rehearsal space,and i want to sing animal off the only heathens albumever recorded.
what do you say? done deal. yeah. - right? cool.- yeah. all right. good. hey, maybe mom was wrongabout you. why?what did she say? she said you were a lazy,selfish pothead alcoholic with a small dickand a death wish. [scoffs]
can i talk to youalone for a sec? what, is this gonnabe your "i'm sorry "i was neverthere for you "because i neverknew you existed blah blah blah"speech? this is, you know,gonna be my "i'm sorry i wasn'tthere for you "'cause i neverknew you existed "because i didn't stayin touch with your mother
and i feel badabout that." it's okay. it's okay.it's okay. it's okay. really? i forgive you. you do. no. you should not onlyfeel guilty about never knowing me, but you should feelreally, really shitty
about me growing upwithout a father figure in friggin' a-hole ohio. so leave your feelingsout of this. i don't wantto hear them. i don't need a dad. i need a goddamnsongwriter. flash and theentire gaga crew are stayingat the gansevoort, and in case he doesn'trespond to money,
because, unlike you,he actually has some, you can show him this. you want meto be your pimp? see?we're bonding already. tell him i havea thing for him. do you have a thingfor him? i have your number. i'll text it to you. you--
thank you, daddy. come on, becky.let's go. bye, girls!i'll text you! bye! see you later,mr. rock! yeah. that's my girl. what if she can'treally sing? well, then we do what's bestfor everybody involved.
send her backto her mom? string her alonguntil the money runs out. [camera shutters clicking] hey. how you guys doing? - move. move.- move it! - move out of the way!- move! - what?- brody. brody. brody. brody, here.here. brody!
who's that guy? bruce jenner'sson brody. world-renownedclub dj. that's the guy you guysare taking photos of? that douchebag? the only reasonhis whole family's famous is because his fat-asshalf sister is good at suckingcelebrity dick. i mean, seriously.that's her talent.
google "kim kardashianblowjobs," 'cause you know how manyentries come up? 481,000. that's what i read in the paper. i mean, is that what it takesto be famous nowadays? huh?sucking semi-famous penis? 'cause if it is,sign me up. i'll suck bruce jenner's cock right here in frontof the gansevoort hotel.
that's if hestill has one. i'm serious.i want to blow bruce jenner. what? what? what? let me go.hey. freedom of speech.i can say whatever i want. hey, man.i got him. you want to blowbruce jenner, huh? i can explainwhat happened. i--i can't explainwhat happened.
i am not lending youany money. who said anythingabout money? i talked to dullithis morning. we're not getting the bandback together either. listen. okay, listen.that's not. i just want to havea conversation. (woman)oh, hey! hey! hey!hello. hey! oh, you're theguitar player! oh, we loved the showlast night.
- can you sign my tit?- sure. she wants to be a singerjust like gaga, and she's really, really,really talented and she's 19,so she's legal, if you're interested. - right, honey?- oh, yeah. are you anybody? you never heardof johnny rock, girls? uh...
hey!there goes gaga. oh!go, go, go, go. [screaming and cheering] are you shitting me? what do you want, john? small favor. doesn't involveany money from you. i'm never playingwith you again. as in never ever,asshole.
listen.you owe me. i was the one that said,"hey, let's start a band together," and then iwas the guy that said, once we had the band,"hey, let's start writing some songs together,"so when you think about it, you wouldn'tbe sitting here in this plush limo todaywithout me. you sound likemy ex-wife. i was with you for twiceas long as she was.
and i gave you that really niceskull-and-crossbone ring. - not her.- who gives a shit? - i give a shit.- we're grown men now. and i'm playing in gaga'sband in spite of you 'cause you held me backall those years. - i held you back.- your ego. and your rock-and-rolldestructive bullshit ways. okay. whatever. you still doing blow?
no, i'm not doing blow. i haven't done blow in ages. 'cause you quit,or you can't afford it? flash... this isn't about drugs. i'm talking abouta different high. a connection betweenme and you, man. when we were workingtogether, man, live on stage, our vibewas killer, dude.
just the two of us.wide awake. we were takingour emotions-- not gaga's,not jon bon jovi's or anybody--our emotions, man, and our angstand whatever we were feeling and we were throwing itinto the amps, and it was comingback out genius stuff. remember when therecord came out and the guyfrom rolling stone
wrote that early review and he called youthe wizard spawn of pete townshendand the edge? we were so happy. that's what i'mtalking about. when we were makingpeople dance and scream and changingtheir lives, man. that's the drugi'm after, dude. that's--that'sthe high i want.
me too, johnny. i mean, i'll do somedrugs, if you have some. not blow, but, like,prescription stuff. get out.get out! okay. okay. let me explainthe favor thing. cat, when she wentto ohio--turns out, long story short,she was pregnant by me. she never told meand now i have a daughter
and she's hereand she's 25 years old and she thinks she can sing. she rented the big roomat sir tomorrow at 10:00 and she's paying me andbam bam and rehab to be there and we really needthe money, man, and it doesn't cost you a dime. all you got to dois show up. let me think about it.no. come on.they need the bread.
i need the bread. wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait. never mind. - what do you got there?- no. no, no, no, no.give me. holy shit.is that her? no, that's not her.that's--that's a guy. that's the lead singer.remember chicks with dicks? - she a gaga fan?- no.
she hates gaga. i'm in. i'm way in. she's too youngfor you, man. give it to me. you just saw me signthe tit of a 19-year-old. see you tomorrow at 10:00. payback's a bitch. hey, guys.thanks for coming. we don't have a lot of time,and i got a couple things
i want to say, so i don'twant to be interrupting. listen, this probablyisn't gonna take very long, 'cause like you, i'm assuming that gigi's not exactlythe real deal, but let's lookat the bright side. we can get a nicelittle jam session in on her dimeafter she's done, but i want to lay down a couplehard-and-fast rules. number one: nobody sleepswith my daughter.
number two: nobody sleepswith my daughter. number three:sleep with my daughter, i pull off your fingerswith a socket wrench. well, forget that,'cause bam bam told us you already tried to bang hertwo nights ago. that was before i knewshe was my daughter, okay? i thought she was just a hotchick with a great-looking-- no looking at her ass,by the way. or her tits.
matter of fact,that word's out when she's in here. what word? ass or tits? both, all right? what about rack? why would rack be okay? puppies. she's got a greatset of puppies. swear to god.stop right now. - beams.- guns.
- grenades.- guys. - cadillacs.- apples. hey! no more nicknamesfor my daughter's-- chesticles? chest area. okay? enough. god. (bam bam)what about her pussy?
like, if shehas a camel toe, may we say "camel toe"? or ct? no camel toe.no ct. okay? how do we referto it, then? my daughter doesn'thave a pussy, okay? she has a vagina,which is off-limits to each and everyone of you, all right? well, johnny, youshould've thought of that
25 years ago, when youwere banging our chicks. [bangs on drum] really, guys? can we not just putthe past where it belongs? huh? it was a quarterof a century ago. of course we can, john. thank you. but we're still gonnaneed a code word
for your daughter's pussy. muff. muff is not a codeword, asshole. - they know what that means.- no, they do not. (bam bam)absolutely they do. oh, like you're some kindof pussy-code-word genius. actually, i am. - how 'bout pooch?- i like that. - it's italian.- well, it's american.
in ireland,they say gee. - no, we're not--listen.- ooh, you're irish. - that means her vag is irish.- okay. [all speaking at once] and nobody'slooking at her... puppies. what the hell are wegonna look at, then? how 'bout her face,asshole, okay? ever heard of eye contact?huh?
assholes? ooh, she does haveadorable eyes. no eye contact. there's no eye contact. (gigi)i vote "pooch." well, it soundsso soft and fluffy. here's the deal, though. my pooch is notreally up for grabs, and, knowing myselfas well as i do,
i'm probably gonnasleep with flash because, well,he's not bald. and he's notthe bass player. plus, he's got thisslash-meets-joe perry elder statesman rock godkind of thing going on, which the rest of youabsolutely do not. what are youdoing here? oh. i invited him. i'm gonnaneed a manager
once the music worldgets a load of me. so are we gonnasing or what? animal in e. one, two, three. [electric guitar riff] ♪ if i didn't want you ♪ ♪ would i cry yourname out loud? ♪ ♪ cursing as i wander ♪ ♪ into this manic crowd ♪
♪ and if i didn't need you ♪ ♪ why do you runright through my veins ♪ ♪ savage and so dangerous ♪ ♪ you linger and remain ♪ ♪ and if i didn't want you ♪ ♪ would i arriveoutside your door? ♪ ♪ bent but stillunbroken, babe ♪ ♪ crying out for more ♪ ♪ more, more ♪
♪ ooh, more ♪ ♪ more ♪ ♪ i'm an animal ♪ ♪ ooh, yeah ♪ ♪ oh, yeah ♪ ♪ ooh, you are, yeah ♪ (gigi)♪ ooh, baby ♪ what kind of fatherlyadvice... do you get froma legendary rock starlike johnny rock?
hmm. don't wear anythingflammable. and i thoughtshe didn't listen. [ announcer ]sex & drugs & rock & roll. all new, thursdays at 10:00.on fx. you have to pick up maya. i have frankie and ellaat soccer until 3:00. you know what? i think you needto make some timeto take care of us.
i don't have time. all i have is 15 minutesbetween ella getting herbraces off and maya's gym. that's fine.that's why we havethe minivan. ugh! captain's chairs. don't. married. all new,thursdays at 10:30. only on fx. [ crowd chanting ]power! power!
[ announcer ]tyrant. all-new.tuesdays at 10:00 on fx. an evil is spreading,changing the human race-- literally turning usinto monsters. [ siren wailing ] we must fight-- all of us. fight to saveour civilization. [ gunfire ] [ wind whistling ]
[ woodpecker tapping ]
