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(crowd cheering) crowd: nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! (ringing) ♪♪(mr. loco playing religious man) ♪ because you're there ♪ ♪ when i awake ♪ ♪ and then you give me ♪ ♪ a life so great ♪
♪ because the children ♪ ♪ with you can play ♪ ♪ i think, i think i am ♪ ♪ i am, i am ♪ ♪ i think i am ♪ ♪ i thank i am ♪ ♪ i'm glad i am ♪ ♪ i'm proud i am ♪ ♪ a real religious man ♪
♪ i pray i am ♪ ♪ i feel i am ♪ ♪ oh, lord, i am ♪ ♪ god knows i am ♪ ♪ this, i've realized ♪ ♪ you're my best friend ♪ ♪ can't separate ♪ ♪ a chance from fate ♪ ♪ 'cause you have all ♪
♪ i need to take ♪ ♪ that's why i think i am, i am, i am ♪ ♪ whoa ♪ ♪ 'cause i don't pray ♪ ♪ i just behave ♪ ♪ 'cause saints and sinners ♪ ♪ are quite the same ♪ ♪ 'cause it's my temple ♪ ♪ the whole wide world ♪
♪ that's why i think i am, i am ♪ for you. one for you. for you. one for you. nacho: one for you. ♪ a real religious man ♪♪ how come we can'tever have just,like, a salad? be grateful, juan pablo. today isespecially delicious.
(speaking spanish) (spluttering) (preaching in spanish) (sighing) (birds chirping) orphans, smile and be happy, for god has blessed uswith a new teacher. she hails fromthe oaxaca parish convent of the immaculate heartsisters lady mountains
of guadalupe. sister encarnacion. thank you, brother. mmm-hmm. encarnacion: children,today i want to tell youa story about isabel. (grunting) ♪♪(portuguese song playing) okay, new game. go get it!
chancho: hey, that's my ball! sister. i'm ignacio. god be with you, ignacio. anyways, i was wonderingif you would liketo join me in my quarters thisnight for some toast. (guillermo speaking spanish) look alive!
there is a mansick with influenza. i need for you topay him a visit, huh? but the sister and i... you are always complaining of never havingpriestly duties. here is your big duty, huh? go now, so that sister and i maytalk of holy things. (bell tolling)
(engine revving) ♪♪(spanish song playing) (man speaking spanish) nacho: i like your cow. (screaming) (nacho wheezing) (hens clucking) (greeting in spanish) ♪♪(music playing on tv)
where is he? holy father, please receivethis man to your kingdom. (clanking) (donkey braying) thank youfor coming here today. this man lived a good life. he had a wonderful woman, a lush garden, and a collectionof russian nesting dolls.
may he rest in peace. (coins rattling) (gasping) okay. (crickets chirping) (squealing) hey! (groaning) (panting)
ramses... (people shouting) (all clamoring) new wrestlers tournament grand prize $200 enter today crowd: nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! (rattling) nacho: okay.
(creaking) how's it going? it's very late, ignacio. uh-huh. give me a second. (both munching) mmm. good toast. (gulping)
so, everyone calls you guero. my mother was a lutheranmissionary from scandinavia and my father,a deacon from mexico. they tried toconvert each other, but they got married instead. and then they died. oh. (clears throat)
so anyways,let's get downto the nitty-gritty. (dog howling) tell me, who is this encarnacion? mmm... well, my favorite coloris light tan. my favorite animalis puppies. i like serving the lord.
hiking. play volleyball. you gotta be kidding me. everything you just saidis my favorite thing to do every day. so, you enjoy yourselfhere at the brotherhood? the children,i love the children. they are my heart. but to tell you the truth,
the brothers make mecook stew and stuff all day, but they don't give memoney for fresh ingredients. and they don't thinki know a buttload of crap about the gospel,but i do. okay? today, i saw a man in town. people werethrowing daisies at himand giving him goodies. sometimes i would likethat kind of respect. who was this man?
well, to tell you the truth,he was a luchador. wrestling is ungodly,ignacio. people cheer for him,but he is a false idol. whatever. be patient, brother. this, too, shall pass. what is this? leftovers. enjoy.
there is no flavor. there are no spices.where are the chips? somebody stole them. did you not tell themthat they werethe lord's chips? i was trying to... guillermo:you are useless, ignacio. silence, brothers. this is the worstlunch i ever had. guillermo:your only job is to cook.
do you not realizei have had diarrheasince easters? maybe i am not meantfor these duties. cooking duty.dead guy duty. maybe it's time for meto get a better duty. ♪ i am, i am, i am, i am ♪ i think your food is good. i am the gatekeeperof my own destiny, and i will have my glory dayin the hot sun. see you.
(bird cawing) (munching) (farting) (both grunting) hey! listen to me! hey! mucho take it easy.i need your help. (yelling) take out the legs! listen to me!
today, i havethe chance of a lifetime, but first i need a man. get off me! ah! ugh! don't you see? your skills plus my skillsin the ring, tag team. you're crazy! aren't you tired of gettingdirt kicked in your face? i am!
(dog barking) don't you wanta little tasteof the glory? see what it tastes like? no! if we win, we get 200 pesos! nacho: psst! chancho! (nacho whistling) chancho, i need toborrow some sweats.
are you leaving us? no, chancho,i would never leave you. i just need toborrow some sweats. (bull bellowing) (bees buzzing) (people cheering) ♪♪(music playing) (announcing in spanish) (crowd cheering)
his hair. we bet his hair. what? you can take the stallion. i'll take the pony. i can't wrestle him. but you are tall andfast like a gazelle.you can do it. pray to the lordfor strength. i don't believe in god,i believe in science. (bell dinging)
you have not been baptized? hey. how you doing? he's good. nacho: hello! i'm talking to you.i will come. save me a piece of that corn. (razzing) save me a pieceof that corn for later. hey. take it easy.
(crowd clamoring) (crowd exclaiming) come on, esqueleto! no problem. we are dancing. that didn't hurt! and then i disappear! taste it.yes! i'm going to pull you. the shoe! anaconda squeeze.
crowd: nacho! nacho!nacho! nacho! nacho! crowd: semental! semental! semental! semental! (moaning) nacho: those guys werea couple of wussies, huh? (nacho farting) they scalped my hairs, okay? i look hideous. come on, baby.
and you gave thempermission tohurt me like this. but i couldn'thave anybody seemy face, steven, come on. tonight, i felt somethingdeep inside me, i've never felt before. (nacho grunting) (toilet flushing) do you remember that one time when everyonewas shouting my name
and i used my strengthto rip my blouse? yeah. and i saw themknock you unconscious,all right? what's this? it's money.what did you think? but we lost. we all get a piece. listen, the people,they like you guys.
come back next week,and i will getanother fight for you. esqueleto: ooh! (people chattering) (clattering) chancho. when you are a man sometimes youwear stretchy pants in your room. it's for fun.
don't worry.i won't tell nobody. i'm a littleconcerned right now. about yoursalvation and stuff. how come you havenot been baptized? because i never gotaround to it, okay? i don't know why you alwayshave to be judging me because i onlybelieve in science. but tonight, we are going upagainst satan's cavemen.
and i just thoughtit would bea good idea if you... praise the lord! (speaking spanish) hey, we're notallowed to watch that. shh! mmm? (both screaming) (gibbering) (choking)
(cheering in spanish) hey! hey! tag me! (people screaming) what? what are you doing? no, no, no, no! no, no! ignacio. nacho: no! no, no, no! no, no, no! what the...
all: move! ♪♪(mr. loco playing bubblegum) ♪ yes, i'm a man who comes from other countries ♪ ♪ yes, i'm a foreigner as you can see ♪ ♪ yes, i yell, oh, what a world of progress ♪ ♪ and i love the color tv, air-condition, hair spray ♪ ♪ and i like the funny plan that's part of things and all the rest ♪ ♪ but there's something, something, something that's the best for me ♪ ♪ yes, i feel very impressed with progress ♪
♪ yes, life's beautiful with those devices ♪ ♪ like a drive-in, coca cola, paying toilet, jumbo jets ♪ ♪ bubblegum, bubblegum, bubblegum ♪ ♪ bubblegum for me ♪ ♪ bubblegum, bubblegum, bubblegum bubblegum for me ♪♪ all: fight! fight!fight! fight! fight! fight!fight! fight!fight! fight! boy: chancho! put him down! all: fight! fight!
put him down, chancho!stop it! fight! fight!fight! fight! please, stop it! break it up!break it up!break it up! what's wrong with you? but, sister, they are just ninos tryingto release their wiggles. ignacio, they are wrestlingin a sacred place. okay, orphans, listen to me.listen to ignacio.
i know it is fun to wrestle. a nice pile-drive to the face, or a punch to the face, but you cannot do it. because it is in the biblenot to wrestle your neighbor. so you've never wrestled? me? no, come on.don't be crazy. listen, i know the wrestlersget all the fancy ladies, and the clothes,
and the free creamsand lotions, but my life is good. really good. i get to wake up every morning at 5:00 a.m.and make some soup. it's the best. i love it. i get to lay in a bedby myself all of my life. it's fantastic. go.
go away! (boys chattering) nacho: read some books! (birds twittering) have you ever hadfeelings for a nun? no way. there is this nun. i just wish i couldtake off this robe so she could seehow strong i am.
well, bring herto our next wrestling match. yeah, right. then i'll get kickedout of the monastery. i have an idea. tell me. take her on a date tonight and i will bringsome of my friendsto beat you up, but we will let you win. so whereare you taking me?
well, sister,i saw a bum here today. there were two bums, and i said to myself, "let's talk to these guysabout the gospel." well, where are they? i don't see them. they should be coming by. (cat meowing) where is your robe, ignacio?
it was stinky. but these are myrecreation clothes. they look expensive. thank you. i mean, yes, they may havethe appearance of riches, but beneath the clothes,we find a man. and beneath a man, we find his nucleus.
nucleus? yes. listen, i don't likethe way those guysjust looked at you. hey! can't you seethis woman's a nun? and if you guyshave a problem with that, well, you can just fight me. you ready? you messed withthe wrong guy this time. you ever seenthese moves? huh?
you see these moves? huh? you think you gonna... huh? come on! esqueleto: this way.i think he's over here. surprise. get that corn out of my face! release! release! (coughing) i looked likea fool last night!
what took you so long? it's no use. i wanna be a great fighter, but i can't evenbeat a couple ofguys in the street. nacho. i think i know someonewho can help you. the lord? no. he's a water gypsy.
he know wheresto find eagle eggs. eagle eggs? i'm not listening to you.you're crazy. nacho, i'm telling you.this is for reals. his eagle eggs possessmagical powers. you could becomethe greatest fighterwho ever lived. in order for youto become empowered by the eagle, you must climb that cliff,
find the egg, crack open one of them, and then swallow the yolk. so, what you're saying to me is if i can eat this yolk, my moves will becomethe best in the whole world. definitely. high five. (retching)
summon your eagle powers. what do you think i am doing? ♪♪(mr. loco playing mr. loco) eagle powers, come to me! please! tag. tag! tag! (laughing) those eggs were a lie,steven. a lie!
they gave meno eagle powers! they gave meno nutrients! sorry. i don't wannaget paid to lose. i wanna win! i need professional help. i need ramses. he's the best. we need to get inwith him and his buddies.
we must learn their ways. but they are pros. they only hang outwith each other. then we must go pro! but going prois not that easy. it's political, obviously. my area, amigo. (people chattering in spanish) you see that guy over there?
his name is senor ramon. he's ramses' manager and he ownsall of the big arenas. he's havinga party tomorrow night. we need to go and show himwe mean business, that we are readyfor the big leagues. over there in the treeis a chipmunk nest. here we have the corn. the best in the city.it's delicious.
that is wherei get the day-old chips,over in a secret place. (woman laughing) and that is a crazy lady. so now you got a littletaste of what i do. it's pretty dang exciting,huh? ramses! how do you know him? no, he's not. may i have his autograph?
please? okay.let me see what i can do. ramses. how are you? hi. (both growling) i was wonderingif the children could get a signature from youand maybe a picture. listen, the kids are orphans.
they like you.you are the best. (ramses muttering) this party'sgonna be crazy. i mean,we're gonna be pros. feel it. go on. i made them. (knock on door) go lay down. ignacio,i've been looking for you.
where have you been? i've been here. i've been sleeping. in a frilly shirt and slacks? they are my pjs. can i come in? no, people might getthe wrong idea about you. like maybe you are a floozy. ignacio,i was in the kitchen
and there's no foodfor tomorrow's breakfast. don't worry,i'll take care of it. but when? good night. hey, let go my blouse. we are wrestlers, too.we are invited. give me a boost. hey. what about me? i don't think i can lift you.
you are too fat. good luck. (car approaching) senor ramon. who are you? i am esqueleto, the luchador. everybody is a luchador, mi amigo. i think thatme and my friendare ready to go pro. ramses,would you like to fightthis man in the ring?
so you want to make a namefor yourself, horseface? win the battle jam next week. the winner will fightramses in exhibition in front of 5,000 people. then you will be a pro. ♪♪(guitar playing) ♪♪(singing in spanish) ooh! (glass breaking)
i forgive you. come here, soldier. how did you get up hereso fast? (shushing) secret tunnels. some say wrestlersmake bad lovers. that they save themselvesfor the ring. huh? i love you.
(applauding) sing! sing something for ramses! okay, my friend,this one's yours. this one yours. (clearing throat) ♪♪(humming) ♪ i am singing at the party ♪ ♪ i am singing ♪
♪ it's my turn tosing at the party ♪ ♪ everyone is dancing ♪ ♪ happy party ♪ ♪ but ramses is not dancing ♪ ♪ he does notdance at the parties ♪ ♪ ramses is number one ♪ ♪ he knowsthe secrets of desire ♪ ♪♪(scatting) ♪ ramses is the onehe puts the peopleall on fire ♪
♪♪(nacho scatting) ♪ ramses ♪♪ (people exclaiming) (esqueleto yelling) steven! come here. (counting in spanish) esqueleto: ouch! nacho: that party was lame.
i hate that place. (air hissing) take it easy. (slurping) (metallic clanking) it sucks to be me right now! how come? how come you think? i used to really like ramses.
i wanted to become him. but it turns outhe's a real douche. well, win the battle jamthis week and you canfight him yourself. forget it. because i can'tgo on living a lie. earth to steven. i'm a friar. i'm not for that world.
the orphans, they need me,and i have forsaken them. i got no groceriesfor breakfast because of you! i'm sick of hearingabout your stupid orphans. what did you just say? i hate orphans. say it again to my face. i hate them! come again? i hate all the orphansin the whole world.
i'm not listening to you. you only believe in science. that's probablywhy we never win. we never winbecause you are fat. buenos dias, sister. so, what you cooking? breakfast. ignacio,you have a responsibilityto these children. i know.
well, where have you been? i've been gone becausei had a lot of church-yopportunities lately, outside of the orphanage. like what?where were you last night? to tell you the truth,i went to a wrestling match. you went to watcha wrestling match? kind of. you are a man of the cloth. lucha libre, it's a sin.
but why? because those menfight for vanity, for money, for false pride. yes, it's terrible. terrible. but is it alwaysa sin to fight? if you fightfor something noble, or for someonewho needs your help, only then will godbless you in battle.
(sighing)you must prayfor forgiveness. excuse me, ignacio. nacho: precious father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior? have i focused too much on my boots and all my fame and my stretchy pants? wait a second. maybe you want me to fight and give everything i win
to the little ones who have nothing so they can have better foods and a better life. yeah, maybe that. okay, if i win tonight at the battle jam, i will know that you bless my mission and that you want me to be a wrestling servant of you. (sniffing) i smell cookies. flame! flame!
nacho: no, no, no!no, no, no, no, no! roll, you fool! flame, flame, flame! (nacho screaming) (coughs) yes, it's true! i am nacho, the luchador. who? maybe you have seen me on tv.
nacho! no. this is forbidden. i knew it. he is not a man of god. i will fight the sevenstrongest men in town, maybe the world, and i will win because our heavenly fatherwill be in the ring with me. and he and i willwin 10,000 pesos.
and with it, i will buy the orphansa big bus to go on field trips to parksand places like that. i'm serious! (crowd screaming) (crowd roaring) nipple twist! (both yelling) (silencio growling)
(growling) you can't win them all. where are you going? there is no place for mein this world, chanchito. i don't belong out there and i don't belong in here, so i'm goinginto the wilderness, probably to die. well, you might need this.
my mother gave it to mebefore she died. it was her lucky machete. you can have it. i hope to see you again,little chancho. maybe in the next life. ♪♪(holy man playing) ♪ i hear the voices ♪ ♪ and what they tell ♪ ♪ about heaven ♪
♪ about hell ♪ ♪ about the life ♪ ♪ we know so well ♪ ♪ we had to throw away ♪ ♪ holy man ♪ ♪ lord knows ♪ ♪ i am a holy man ♪♪ (motorcycle approaching) (bell ringing)
(loud groaning) how did you find me here? i saw you from the village. i have some news. silencio isn'tgoing to be ableto fight ramses. he got injured. (both chattering in spanish) silencio bruised his bunions. they are swollen really hard.
he's not gonna beable to fight tonight. you were second place. you get to fight ramses. (sighing) but i havegiven up wrestling. nacho,you are a great fighter. and you got somethingnone of these guys have. the childrensneed a real hero. but i thought you hatedall the orphansin the whole world. not anymore.
i like them. and they need you, nacho. nacho: dear sister, i know you probably hate my guts by now and already believe that i must have died long ago in the wilderness. but you are wrong, i'm still alive. tonight i'll be fighting the greatest wrestler who ever lived, the great ramses. i know you don't like wrestling, but know that i am leaving all my monies to the orphans.
and if i die in the ring, know that i always loved you as a brother in god. ignacio. p.s. if we didn't end up taking our vows of celibacy, we could maybe get married and have a family with some ninos. but, you know, whatever. hug, hug, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, big kiss,
little hug, kiss, kiss, little kiss. ramses is the number one. his legs are number one. his eyes are number one. his muscles are number one. while i was in the wilderness i wrote a songfor encarnacion in my mind. shall i sing it for you?
sure. ♪ when the fantasy has ended ♪ ♪ and all the childrenare gone ♪ ♪ something good inside me ♪ ♪ helps me to carry on ♪ ♪ i ate some bugsi ate some grass ♪ ♪ i used my handto wipe my tears ♪ ♪ to kiss your mouthi'd break my vow ♪ ♪ no, no, nono, no, no way, jose ♪
♪ unless you want to ♪ ♪ then we'd breakour vows together ♪ ♪ encarnacion ♪ ♪ encarnacion ♪♪ (banging on door) they are ready for you now. nacho! nacho! nacho! maybe we should pray. dear lord, please bless nachowith nutrients and strength.
amen. crowd: ramses!ramses! ramses! ramses! ramses! ramses! (cheering) go, go, go, go, go. crowd:nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! nacho! (nacho gibbering) okay. vertebrae kick!
timber! (crowd applauding) (whooping) i did it! hey! we did it! yes! ♪♪(los lobos playing saint behind the glass) children: yes! ♪ hammer and a nail ♪
♪ saint behind the glass ♪ ♪ holds a hammer and a nail ♪ ♪ baby in his arms ♪ ♪ has a baby in his arms ♪ ♪ watches me sleep ♪ ♪ watches me while i sleep ♪♪ ♪♪(mr. loco playing papas) ♪ papas ♪ ♪ when i saw you last night ♪
♪ made me feel just right ♪ ♪ that's my way to say ♪ ♪ everything's okay ♪ ♪ you're the guest in my heart ♪ ♪ from daybreak till black out ♪ ♪ make me feel all right ♪ ♪ driving in a car ♪ ♪ sitting in a bar ♪ ♪ walking in the park ♪
♪ wherever, wherever you are, baby ♪ ♪ papas, para ti ♪ ♪ papas, para mi ♪ ♪ papas, when you're blue ♪ ♪ for everybody, too, baby ♪ ♪ when you make me feel a king ♪ ♪ baby, you got everything ♪ ♪ everything to be ♪ ♪ like a real queen ♪
♪ when you give me all you got, got ♪ ♪ in the middle of the night ♪ ♪ you're my dream-about ♪ ♪ when i feel alone ♪ ♪ and i ain't got no hope ♪ ♪ for mr. loco, too, baby ♪ ♪ papas ♪♪ ♪♪(jack black playing forbidden nectar) ♪ when you notice my biceps ♪
♪ with the eyes of a dove ♪ ♪ with the breath of a lion ♪ ♪ i will sing you my song ♪ ♪ forget about hector ♪ ♪ his moustache is like a girl ♪ ♪ i could rupture his intestines ♪ ♪ with the flexing of my thigh ♪ ♪ my love is like the nectar ♪ ♪ from a fruit which is forbidden ♪
♪ and in my heart is hidden ♪ ♪ all the muscles of my love ♪ ♪ when you perchance to see my haunches ♪ ♪ like a stallion they are tight ♪ ♪ with the breath of a chicken ♪ ♪ dark intruders take their flight ♪ ♪ my love, it will protect you ♪ ♪ like a vest of bulletproofness ♪ ♪ in the wind i am a warrior ♪
♪ in your arms i am a child ♪ ♪ i see your name ♪ ♪ you're so delicate ♪ ♪ no one will touch you ♪ ♪ while i am watching you ♪ ♪ okay ♪ ♪ the muscles of my love ♪ ♪ when i see you ♪ ♪ my thighs quiver like a girl ♪
♪ but i need you to know ♪ ♪ that i am strong like a stallion ♪ ♪ i will take you on a ride through the desert ♪ ♪ on my back ♪♪
