watch now! detail...
♪ harold and kumar ♪ ♪ harold and kume ♪ man: billy boy!get your ass ready. it's almost 5:00,and this bad boyneeds to get his drink on. no, no, no. give me that. don't. i'm gonna burn itonce and for all. stop that. dude, it's been six months.it's time to move on, okay?
whatever. even ifi wanted to meet other women, i wouldn't evenknow what to do. i've been out of the gamefor so long. dude, you come outwith me tonight, i promiseyou will get laid. yeah,it sounds very tempting, but berenson needs me toupdate these financial models for the meetingwith the foreign investors. so what?it's friday night. the germans are takingan early flight back.
the meeting got changedto tomorrow. so? why don't youjust get somebody else to do your work for you? who? harold, i need you to updatethose models for me. but, billy,aren't you supposed to-- i know.something just came up. i have this meetingwith these new clientstonight, and i'm nevergonna have timeto get to those.
so that's yourresponsibility now, big boy. make sure those are inby 9:00 sharp tomorrow. with all the downsizingthat's been going onaround here, we wouldn't want tohave to tell berenson you've been slacking,now would we? um...yeah. okay, no problem. hey. you have a great weekend,okay, buddy?
i owe you one.just one. thank you. ( snickers ) wow! that was amazing.i cannot believehow easy that was. dude, how do you thinki get all my shit done? i'm telling you,those asian guyslove crunching numbers. you probablyjust made his weekend. ( laughing ) mxpx: ♪ chick magnet ♪
♪ chick magnet, chick magnet ♪ ♪ chick magnet, yeah ♪ fuck. an excellent point, mr. patel. you are one ofthe finest applicantsi have ever interviewed. it comes as no surprise. your father is highlyrespected in his field. as you probably heardfrom your old man, he and i hadsome pretty wild timesback in med school.
really? yeah. we startedour own basketball team-- the hemoglobin trotters. hemo-globin trotters--get it? a play on the nameof the famous colored,negro basketball squad-- black, african-american. you know, people of colors. let's end upwith one final question,just as a formality. what are some potentialsymptoms of pancreatitis?
well, you would haveepigastric tenderness, diffuseabdominal tenderness... ( cell phonesimulates coughing ) i'm sorry.can you hold on one second? oh. kumar's phone.kumar speaking. hey, what's up? it's me.what are you doing? nothing important.i can talk. what's going on? listen,i can't party tonight, okay?
i gotta stay lateat the office. dude, fuck that shit.we had plans. i know, but i gota lot of work to do. when has getting highever prevented youfrom doing your work? jesus! aah! believe me, i would love to come home, okay? but i got a lot of work to do. thank you. i'll do that. i just gota quarter of the finest herbin new york city,
and i'm not smokingthat shit alone, okay? so you need to justchill the fuck outand prepare to get blazed because in the nextcouple of hours, i expect both of usto be blitzed out ofour skulls, got it? all right, i got it. i'll talk to you later.where was i? we've got the severeanal discharge, sometimesviolent--a.k.a. diarrhea. mr. patel, i ammore than familiarwith diarrhea. do you actually believeafter the wayyou've just behaved
that i would evereven consider recommendingyou for admission? no. i'm gonnabe honest with you. the only reason i'm applying is so my dadwill keep payingfor my apartment. i really don't havea desire to go to med school. but you haveperfect mcat scores. yeah. just 'causeyou're hung like a moose doesn't meanyou gotta do porn. get out! bernadette,show this young manto the door!
and please bring insome fresh diarrhe--dry towels! ( up-tempo hip-hop music plays ) yes! right in front of the door. ( horn honks;laughter ) this is america, dude!learn how to drive! better "ruck" tomorrow! extreme! fucking assholes.
okay. be yourself.don't be nervous. so, maria,what's been goin' on? i actually hada very long week at work.how about you? work was good.i caught up on some sleep. plus, the guywho works next to medecided to bathe for a change. so what are youup to tonight? actually, i'm just gonnabe sitting on my ass, probably eat a whole pintof haagen-dazs
while i watch blind date. well, that sounds awful. if you want some company, maybe you can come overand sit on your assat my place. that sounds nice. ( bell rings ) ( clears throat ) bye. bye. bye.
( up-tempohip-hop music playing ) kumar. kumar: yo. yo, kumar. yo, i'm in here, dude. hey! what the hellare you doing?! i'm trimming my pubes. why aren't you doing thisin your room, man? the mirror's in here.hey, check it out.it's like a bonsai tree.
hey! besides, man,it makes your johnsonlook totally bigger. please! are those my scissors?dude, i trim my nose hairwith those! dude, i've been cuttingmy ass hair with themfor the past six months. get out!get out of my room. man on answering machine: kumar, it's daddy. i hope your interview today was good. i'm calling to remind you that you have another one tomorrow
with dr. wein from cornell at 10 a.m. do not be late. hook it up, bi-yatch. let's do it. ( coughs ) ( laughs ) ow! fuck! ( laughter ) in tonight's top story, a cheetah escaped earlier today
from the morristown zoo. oh, nice. sixteen candles is on, man. and the award forthe least heterosexual statement ever made in this apartmentgoes to...harold lee. come on down, man.take a bow. shut up, man.it's a classic. it's a very beautiful storyabout someone who feels unnoticed,unappreciated, unloved,you know? ( yawns ) turn it.
it's a good one, though. ♪ homo ♪ come on, dude. just take one hit. don't you wanna be cool? hey, man, what are you doin'? i'm so high! nothing can hurt me. no! man: marijuana kills.
i love that shit. we're so high right now. we're not low. dude, i don't knowabout you, but i'mfuckin' hungry as balls. no shit, dude.let's eat. hey, no, i don't feellike delivery tonight. what about kfc? we've been theretoo many times. i want somethingwe haven't had in a while.
something different,something that'll reallyhit the spot. i want the perfect food. woman: are you hungry? then come to white castle and try our slyder special... six burgers, fries, and a soft drink for only $2.99. imagine all those burgers in your stomach right now. mm-mmm. don't you like food that's tasty and delicious? i do.
then what are you waiting for? head over to white castle. it's what you crave. you sure you knowhow to get there? i haven't beento white castle in ages. dude, i'm telling you,there's one right by thatmultiplex in new brunswick. nice. rosenberg! goldstein! yo, manny and shevitz, get up.we're going to white castle.
no, we're watching the gift on hbo. no, no, no.no watching.we're starving. hey, put that back. no eating until we getto white castle. let's roll. sorry, kids,we ain't going nowhere. supposedly katie holmes showsher titties in this movie. is that all you jewsever think about--tits? katie holmes is a nice,respectable, wholesome girl. and i'm gonna see her boobs.
the things i wouldeat out of her ass--you have no idea! that is a completelyvulgar statement. so is "i want tobang britney spearson the bathroom floor." but it's true. touchã©. hey, listen, if-- i think kumar's a faygele. they're totally gayfor each other. hey, you wanna suck on this?
uh-huh. mmm. what the hell are youbringing your bag for? try to get some work donein the car. here, you're driving. shit,i forgot my cell phone. you wannarun back and get it? no, we've gone too far. hey, there's your girlfriend.
you gonnatalk to her this time, or are you gonna bea vagina mcginastein about it? what the hellare you doing? you could've asked herif she wanted to cometo white castle with us. hold the elevator.wait! hey, how are-- you're worthless. i'm not worthwhile. just fucking talk to her once.it won't be weird anymore.
look, it doesn't matter. the only girls who areinterested in me are girls i haveno interest in. like cindy kim. speaking of cindy,she called earlier. one of those asian clubsshe's in is throwing a partyat her dorm tonight. god, she invites meto everything. so what? she's kind offuckin' cute. let hertouch your penis. oh, look.
it's the brothers mcfag. let me guess--the onewith the purse is the catcher. ( rowdy laughter ) come on, guys,let's get ourselvessome fucking mountain dew. kumar: yeah,extreme assholes. why do ihave to be the catcher? dude, forgetabout those pricks.let's just get some food. i am so hungry.i'm gonna eat, like,20 of those burgers, man. dude, fuckin' i will seeyour 20 burgers and raise you5 orders of fries.
kumar:dude, give me 35 cents. what's going on?it didn't register. what? give me 35 more cents. i don't have any more change. should i just go through? no, no, i don't likebreaking the law. yeah, i can see that. ( car horn blares )
hey, move your ass! i'm sorry. hold on. i'm going through. no, don't.no. no. hold on. let me walk over toa manned tollbooth and i'lltell them what happened. sorry! move, you fuckin' twat! woman: what's the fuckin'holdup here? shit.
( car horns blare ) move, you retardedcocksucker! move! are you crazy? what are you doing? why youthrowing the weed out?! the cops are gonna catch us. no, they're not. not for that. take this exit. take this exit! no!
dude! you know,that was the last of our weed. sorry. i get a littleparanoid sometimes. now we're in newark,of all places. you know we'regonna get shot. maybe it's not as badas they say. maybe it'sjust a bunch of hype. check it out. those guyslook like a lame version of us. holy shit! oh! ow!
let's get the fuckoutta here. go! go! drive! drive! yeah, that was your fault. fuck you. yo, check it out.we're almost there. thank god. i'm starving. hello, new brunswick! prepare to gorge yourself. you know--we need some tunage for this.
presets. use the presets. oh, come on, dude,your whole life is preset.try something new. where is this place?isn't it supposed to beright around here? chill. we'll find it. wait a second--is that the multiplex? yes. sweet! that means the white castleshould be right aroundthe corner. what the hellis going on, kumar?
that does not looklike a white castle to me. uh-uh. dude,we gotta check this out. hey, look here, fellas.you guys gonna have to orderfrom the drive-thru menu. what happenedto the white castle? there used to be a white castleright here in this location. where is it? i hate to be the bearerof bad news, guys, but burger shack,they bought this locationabout four years ago. god!
please tell me there'sanother white castle in town. no. are you sure? do i look likethe kind of brother that would be unsureabout something like that? shit!what are we gonna do? i don't know, man.should we just eat here? hey. psst. there's a white castlethat's open 24 hoursup in cherry hill.
it's about45 minutes from here. i can make the tripif you're willing to. kumar, i got a shitloadof work to finish. you got thatmed school interview. forget about the med schoolinterview. it's a non-issue. what do you meanit's a non-issue? ding-dong! may iinterject for a second? as a burger shack employeefor the past three years, if there's one thingi've learned, it's that ifyou're craving white castle,
the burgers herejust don't cut it. in fact, just thinkingabout those tender littlewhite castle burgers with those little,itty-bitty grilled onions that justexplode in your mouthlike flavor crystals every timeyou bite into one... ...just makes me want toburn this motherfucker down. come on, pookie, let's burnthis motherfucker down! come on, pookie!let's burn it, pookie! let's burnthis motherfucker down!
let's burn it down!let's burn it! ( heavy thud ) so you guys maybe shouldjust suck it up and go to white castle. you can always getyour work done in the car. all right. awesome. then listen, listen-- no matter what,we are not ending this night without white castlein our stomachs.
agreed? agreed. wise choice. because you guys mighthave wanted to stay away from ourspecial sauce tonight. me and pookie,we added a secret ingredient. i'll give you a hint. ( whispering )it's semen. semen.
animal semen. aah! dude, remember whengoldstein used to workat that burger place? ugh. this is the mostfucking confusing moviei've ever seen-- she's possessed,she's not possessed. dude, that rackbetter be stacked. tits! tits! boobies, boobies, boobies.
holy shit! whoa! those aren't real.yes, they are. you know, i'm almostcompletely sober right now. i wish we had some more weed. sorry. princeton. we're getting off here. why? because we're gonna sweet-talkcindy kim into finding ussome weed.
why not? you talk to heron the phone all the time. she calls me.then she rambles on about her east asianstudents club or whatever. then i have to actuallypretend that i give a shitor else she calls me a twinkie. a what? twinkie--yellow on the outside,white on the inside. look, you twinkie bitch, you were the one that threwour weed out the window, okay? so we're going to princeton,
and it's your responsibilityto make sure we're high as shit by the timewe're eating those burgers. forget it.end of discussion. i am not seeing cindy kim. harold, i'm so gladyou showed up. yeah, me too. did you likethe hibiscus petals i glued to the envelopei sent you? yeah, they were nice.
hey, dude, you knowwhere i can get some green? dude, you know wherei can get some chronic? jesus, what the hell kind ofivy league school is this? man. over here, man. you lookin' to toke up? yes? thank christ. just give mea dime of your finest sticky. you wanna seesticky-icky, my friend?
ooh! oh, my god! whoa, man! don't touch, man.that's not cool. you can't-- jeez! this is my baby! kenneth park,class of 2004. hi. is it true you're an analystfor brewster keegan?
yes, i'm a junior analyst. awesome! i told you, he's good. this is actuallya two-part question. i'm applying for a summerinternship at brewster keegan. i was wondering,a) what's it like beingan investment banker, and b) would you write mea recommendation? here. that's sixt--80 bucks. 80 bucks?
yeah, 80 bucks. yo, this is worth40 tops, bro. "bro"?i'm not your bro, bro. okay, and that's 80 bucks. you don't feel likegetting high tonight? if you don't feellike getting high,that's cool with me, because there's lots of peoplearound here. see this guy? hey, loser. hey, what's up, george?i smoke buds with georgeall the time.
what kind of hippie are you? what kind of hippie am i?man, i'm a business hippie. i understand the conceptof supply and demand. "what's it likebeing an investment banker?" to be honest with you,it's actually pretty aw... ...awesome. excellent! as for the recommendation, i guess i can makea couple calls.
actually, harold, we shouldbe getting to the party. we can discuss all this stuffon the way there. it's just down the hall. i'm sorry. i can't go.i have to wait for kumar. you'll see himwhen we're done. trust me,you're gonna love this. kenny's mom dropped offa big pot of kimchi jigae. it's really good.it's delicious. yeah?
that's nice. 80 bucks, okay? hello. are you guys about to smoke? yes, we're gonna smoke.do you wanna comeback to my place? please, like they want togo listen to a bunchof phish records while you readyour lame-ass poetry. girls, you guys wanna hang out, maybe smoke a little weedand have some fun?
all right. my poetry's not lame.it's really good. yeah, i'm sure. it's great. we're gonna eatbefore this gets cold. what you say we meetback in our roomin about 20 minutes? we're in room 109. 109. got it. i'llsee you ladies later, huh? 109. we'll seeyou ladies later. yes!
we're getting laid, bro. all right,i'll see you there, man. 20--20--208? 208. yes! 208! roldy, dude,you gotta come quick. there's these twofilthy pussies just achingto get boned by us. i mean, there arethese two very lovelyyoung pussies who would like to havea chat with you and i. sorry. harold'scoming with us.
that's bullshit.he's coming with me.isn't that right, roldy? let's go to the party. no, no, no. fuck that. here. this isharold's understudy.you can do whatever you want. roldy, let's go. i can't believeyou were gonna ditch me for the joy luck club. you know whattheir parties are like. what do you want me to say?i was under pressure.
just say no.that's all it takes. here. take a hit of that. what's going on up there? barracuda to sparrow,barracuda to sparrow. we got two high-flierson level three. i just wanna talk! dude, in here, in here. women! what if someonefinds us in here?
chill the fuck out.he's not gonna look for usin the girls' bathroom. shit! come here. it worked on me.there's no reasonit shouldn't work on you. but your breastslook beautiful. i just want thosecute little ping-pong breasts. you know, that kind of go... hurry up because ireally want to go smoke weed with that dishy indian guy. it's gonna be a few minutes.
i'm about to havethe worst case of taco shits. oh, god. ( flatulence ) great, i thinki've got to go, too. hey, clarissa, do you wantto play battle shits? ( whispering ) battle shits? we haven't played thatsince back at camp. i know, i know.wait for it. ohh! hit.
ha ha! ( rumbling and plopping ) scag! you sank my destroyer! ( rumbling ) i can't take it anymore! christy, are you still there? damn! you sank my battle shit! ohh! ohh! she said in 20-10?
have you seena korean guy around here? yeah, only wheni open my eyes, though. 'tard. 20-11. ( up-tempohip-hop music plays ) kumar:yo, this party's bumpin'! who wants some buda? yeah! holy shit! kenneth park,class of 2004.
dude, i'm thinkingyou really screwed upby not coming to this party. i screwed up? can we havesome pot brownies? i don't know.i'm runninga little low. a titty flashmight persuade me. should we? i think you should. whoa. hey, you!
shit! man: let's get 'em!halt! harold! harold! no, no, no. hey, dude! come here! well, well, well. what do we have here? oh, no! that's my baby!
hold his throat and groin.come on, rookie. should we go backfor the weed? are you crazy?run! run! i can't believe it, man.we were this closeto getting laid. oh, dude,you always exaggerate. the diarrhea twins definitelywould have had sex with us. what about cindy?she was looking kindacute tonight, man. cindy's fine.it's just... just what?
we-- oh, you'd rather have maria. i'm gonna end up with cindy kimwhether i like it or not. can we just drop this and getour asses to white castle, man? fine. maria. what are you doing? daddy needs to urinate. hurry up! i'm serious.don't take all night.
( typing ) ( sighs ) ( urine flows ) ( footsteps approach ) ( opens zipper ) excuse me, i have to-- huh? i have to ask you.why are you peeing right here? i mean, why'd you peeright next to me
when you could choosethat bush or... this isa good bush to pee on. why are you peeing on it? well, no one was herewhen i chose this bush. so you get to pee on itand no one else does? huh? no, i just-- this your bush? you have a special bondwith this bush? no, i just thought that--
you the king of the forest? i'm sorry? you a fuckin' tree-hugger? is this your special bush?! never mind. forget it.i really don't feel likegetting stabbed tonight. nice pubes. thanks. do you even knowwhere you're going? i'm gonna be honest,i'm a little lost,but, you know,
once we get back on the highway,we'll be there soon,don't worry. we'd better. shit. now it's raining. put on your wipers. what are you talking about?it's just a little mist. yeah, mist,hence the mist setting. it's a safety issue, okay?there we go. thank you, mr. wizard.what crawled up your ass? i'm completely on edgeright now, man.
after all the shit thatwe've been through tonight, i don't knowhow much more i can take. oh, shit! how the fuckdid that get in here? oh, shit! aah! he bit me!i've got rabies! dude, get that fuckin'cancer raccoonaway from me! open my window! fuck you, raccoon! what the christ?
jesus! you all right? i don't know. oh, shit. shit, dude,he's coming over here. probably someold blind bitch! what the fuck are you doing? we're sorry. we're very sorry! goldstein? dude, it's rold and kumar.
shit.what's going on, man? what's up, dude? what's up? what the hellare you guys doing here? we just got the munchies,so we decided we'd go tohot dog heaven. how about you?how was white castle? we haven't gotten there yet.i think i may have rabies. yo, dude, how werekatie holmes' tits? you know the holocaust? yeah.
picture the exactopposite of that. boy, do you need a girl. if you guysgot the yellow fever, there's a rockin' asian partydown at princeton. dude,i got the yellow plague. there's nothing sexierthan a hot asian chick! asian tits--i wanna squeeze 'em! stop. don't do that.please, do not touch me. i'm very woozy.
i think i have to goto the hospital. you should goto beth israel. we gotta hit upthis asian joint. no, we don't. we got to go tohot dog heaven. no moredetours along the way. this is what i'm dealing with. come on! i'm telling you,hit up the asian party. did you leave the key in the carwith the engine running?
good luck. you don't have rabies. we're not going to a hospital.you're fine. uh...yeah, i don'thave rabies. great. let's justget out of here. hey, aren't those the guysthat got the shit kicked-- i know. i know.let's just go. just go. hey, it's your dad and brother.
no wonder you didn't wantto go to the hospital. hey, dad. hi, dr. patel. what's up? saikat. what's going on? i hope you are hereto apologize for what you didin your interview today. what the hell'swrong with you, kumar? god! you're 22 years old.when are you gonna grow up and stop thispost-college rebel bullshit?
like your life is so hard. eat my balls, saikat. i will not tolerate thisbusiness from you any longer. you have one moreinterview tomorrow morning, and if i hear from dr. weinthat you were anythingshort of spectacular, i'll completely cut you off. dad, come on. daddy is not coming on anything. you will be there,and you will behave.
i have put too much timeand energy into you to let you goand fuck it all up! you're absolutely right.i'm sorry, guys. wow, i'm sorry. sorry. it won'thappen again, okay? good. i willspeak with you tomorrow. bye, harold. see ya.
wow, man. i guess you're goingto med school after all, eh? fuck that, dude.like i care what my dad thinks. i can't wait to seethe look on his face when he finds out i didn't goto my interview tomorrow. if he wants tocut me off, fine.i don't need his money. i don't understand.you just hugged him. yeah, i just needed to getmy hands on this. access card.
two words for you, bro--medical marijuana. oh, this is stolen. if we get caught,you are taking the blame. this is not my idea. we're not gonna get caught,okay? we're gonna go get baked and then go eatjust like we planned.now, just calm down. we gotta find the pharmacy. dr. patel! thank god i found you.we have an emergency.
nurses, i need these two doctorsscrubbed, gloved, and ready for the o.r. stat! what the hell is going on? he probably thinksi'm my brother. just don't worry about it. leave the talking to me. it's a godforsaken bloodbath. the patient was brought inby e.m.s. five minutes ago. as you can see, we havethree horrific gunshot wounds.
it's a good thingi found you two. all the other surgeonsare working on other patients. no, there's been a mistake. what dr. lee is trying to say is that we need tosedate the patient or he could gointo cardiac arrest. all right, i'll getthe anesthesiologist. hang on a second, nurse. what we should probably useis marijuana.
that'll sufficientlysedate the patientfor surgery. marijuana? but why? we don't have timefor questions. we need marijuana now,as much of it as possible! like a big bag of it. but, doctor, we don't havemarijuana in this hospital. oh, shit!this guy's gonna die! doctor, you've got todo something or we'regonna lose him!
i'm gonna do thisthe old-fashioned way. start the nitrous.give me two large-bore i.v.s and start a ringerslactate push. dr. roldy, hold this. more gauze, please. doctor, the patientis desatting. dude, he's desatting!he's desatting! the patient hasa collapsed lung. i needa 14-gauge angiocath stat. that was genius.
great job! you guys did it. no, it's you. sexy. what'd you say? nothing. sweet-pea. the patient appearsto be stabilized. good work, doctors, all around.
great. one of youclean this up, please. put the chest tube in. meow. i'm not sweating anymore. you're moist. you're glistening. soft and chocolate lips... could i get a little dab here? hush now, hush now.
excuse me, sir.do you happen to know how to get to the white castlein cherry hill from here? yeah. take the 33 westand take the turnpike south, and there you are. i'm telling you, man,that was amazing! even your dad wouldhave been impressed, man. yeah, it wasn't that bad. this is perfect.we're back on the road, we got directions,it stopped raining.
and guess what, man. i'm officially donewith my work. oh, yeah? nice! i'm telling you, dude,things are finallystarting to go our way. hey, dude, check it out-- sixteen candles. isn't thatyour favorite movie? wow, man, that's awesome! yo, look who decidedto go see it. holy shit.
see! you said you twohad nothing in common, but you both have the samelame taste in movies! shut up. hey, we should ask herif she wants to cometo white castle. no. no, no.forget about it. just drive. dude, come on.it's 1:00 in the morning. we're an hour away from home, and who do we seebut your dream girlstanding across the street? just pretend you're a nerdyasian version of tom hanks
and she's a hot latinameg ryan with bigger tits. the cars are going.can we go? how about that? excuse me, maria! maria! excuse me for a second! no! what the hellare you doing? get your hand off the gas!shit! i'm stuck! stop turning the wheel! i am stuck!
what do you mean you're stuck? get unstuck! great! aah! ohh! you asshole! wha--wha-- we could have seriouslyinjured ourselves, man! yo, don't blame me, genius. i'm not the onewho decided to run us
off the frickin' road,all right? let's just getback on the highway, okay? fine with me. ( tire bursts ) ( stifles laughter ) it's not funny. ugh! where's my spare tire? where the hellis my spare tire?
oh, yeah! dude, remember that timewe got really stoned and started throwing shitoff that bridge to seeif it would float? what bridge? i don't remem--what are you talking about? shit, that's right.that was with goldstein. we borrowed your carthat night. my bad. your bad? what the hellare we gonna do now? hey! excuse me! hello! over here!
excuse me! ( thunder crashes ) you boys need some help? thanks for helping us out. oh, no problem at all. i seen you two strandedout there alone in the dark, and i said to myself... "what would jesus do?" ♪ goin' down to georgia ♪
♪ gonna get myself baptized,gonna get myself baptized ♪ ♪ in the bosom of the lord ♪ ( holds note ) ( knuckles crack ) have you boys accepted jesusas your lord and savior? yeah, he's great. cool guy. praise the lordand pass the ammunition! name's randy, but everybodycalls me freakshow. my name's kumar.
how are you, kunie? this is harold. hi, jerald. how are you? so where exactlyare we going? don't you worryabout that none. we ain'ttoo far away from my place. once we get there, i'll haveyour ride fixed up in a jiffy. ( whispering )check out those boilson his neck. you gotta look. one of them'sactually pulsating. shut up. he's right next to me.he can hear you.
now there's some sort of puss. it's disgusting! just one little boil.just look at it. see, isn't thatthe most disgustingthing you've ever seen? do you think justbecause you're whispering, he can't hearwhat you're saying? he's two feetaway from us. he can hearthis entire conversation. he can hear metalking right now. don't worry about it.he can't hear anything...
not with all that crustin his ear. i heard everything you said. ( dogs barking ) it's gonna take me a whileto fix up your car there, so if you boys like,you can go on inside, get yourselves somethingto drink, wash up, fuck my wife, watch tv--anything you want. mi casa es su casa. just don't do anythingthe good lord wouldn't do.
we're gonna die.he's going to kill us. we're gonna die. dude, am i deaf,or did he just saywe get to fuck his wife? he couldn't have said that. ( dogs bark ) who cares?you've seen freakshow. what do you think his wifeis gonna look like? ( live organ music plays ) ( organ music stops )
oh, hi, boys. i'm freakshow's wife liane. can i get yousome pink lemonade? why don't you just gohave a seat in the living room? i'll be back in a jiffy. hot. hot! jesus christ. okay, it's official.we've entered the twilight zone. dude, liane is fucking hot.
she's not ugly. here you go, boys. thanks a lot. liane, how are thingsbetween you and freakshow presently? oh! they've neverbeen better. we love each otherso much. i was just wondering,how does a guylike freakshow... ...end upwith a girl like you?
well, we met at choir practiceabout four years ago. freakshow was really shyback then, you know, 'cause of all his hideous boilson his face and neck. sure, sure. but he hadthe most amazing voice, like a baby canary. ♪ the devil is everywhere ♪ ♪ hey, randy, what,the devil, huh ♪ ♪ hey, randy, what ♪
after easter service one day,i told him how muchi loved his solo and he finally mustered upthe courage to ask me out. we've been in love ever since. so, are you boys gonnafuck me now or what? ( spits ) rock, paper, scissors to seewho goes first. ready? rock, paper-- wait a second. what about freakshow?
what? you assume we don'tknow how to have a good time? i just... never mind.rock, paper, scissors. sorry,but if you boys want me, you have to do meat the same time. come on, give methe double stuff. i'm not surewe quite understand, liane. i want you bothinside me simultaneously. one hole or two?
whatever you want. sorry. no, thank you.no, thank you. dude, if it's two holes,it might not be that bad. shotgun anus. forget it! i don't want our ballsrubbing against each other. what, are you kidding? no way! forget it. how about blow jobs?can we have blow jobs?
well, okay. come here. okay. i'm going up there. i wanna come, too. think you could help mewith this? you need help? okay, yeah.it's a little sticky. you can do it. i can do it.i can do it.
do you wanna play with them? play with them. yeah, let's do that. let's do that. well, boys,i fixed your tire. hi, honey. what in the hellare you doing with my wife? you said outside thatwe could have sex with her. shit! shit!
i most certainly did not. yeah, you did. i did not! you did. oh, no, i didn't! you did, you did. you sure? you said it. ( wheezy laughter )
my mistake! freakshow. well, since we're all here... ...how about a foursome? who wants the firstreach-around? okay, let's agreeto never talk aboutwhat just happened. that's a very good idea. dude, i have no ideawhere we are. is that a hitchhiker?
what the hell? should we pick him up? and get chopped to bits?are you crazy? you know what? we're lost. he may know how toget back on the highway. get back on the road.this is my car, and we are not picking upa hitchhiker, man. hey, guys, thanksfor picking me up. excuse me, are youneil patrick harris?
yep. oh, my god,what are you doing here? dude, doogie howser m.d.was, like, my favorite show growing up.you were my idol. that's great.could we get going?i'm bored as shit back here. go, go. let's go. this isa frickin' boring spot. so i gotta ask you, neil, did you ever get it onwith wanda off the set?
dude, i humped every pieceof ass ever on that show. even the chickwho played the hot nurse? no. i didn't goall the way with her. neil, you wouldn'thappen to know how to get on the highwayfrom here, would you? dude, i don't even knowwhere the fuck i am right now. i was at this partyearlier tonight and some guy hooked me upwith this incredible x. next thing i know, i'm beingthrown out of a moving car.
i've been tripping ballsever since. that's crazy, dude. we've been havinga pretty crazy night, too. we've just been driving aroundlooking for white castle, but we keepgetting sidetracked. yeah, dude, you fascinate me. forget white castle.let's go get some pussy. it's a fuckin'sausage-fest in here. let's get us some poontang.then we'll go to white castle.
no, neil,you don't understand. we've been cravingthese burgers all night. yeah, i've been cravingburgers, too--fur burgers. come on, dudes, let's pick upsome trim at a strip club. the doogie linealways works on strippers. lap dance. there's a gas station.i'm gonna see if we canget directions. we don't need... hurry up, dudes, hurry up.i'm losing wood.
hurry, hurry, hurry,hurry, hurry, hurry. chill. we'll be right back, neil. we'll be back. what's the dealwith neil patrick harris?why is he so horny? i don't know,but we can't let himinterfere with our quest. ( horn honks;driver shrieks ) shit, these punks again. late-night math leaguemeeting, homos?
let's go. no, no.pies, pies--no. ( imitatesshrieking dinosaur ) dude, what is that?is that a pterodactyl? i do not know what that is. that was extreme, dude! excuse me, can you tell ushow to get to the highwayfrom here? dude, i got this. ( speaking hindi )
dude, who knew learning hindiwould actually pay off? guy says the highway is,like, a couple traffic lightsfrom here. we should be in cherry hillin ten minutes. ready? one, two, three! no. no. extreme kayaking! man, that wasso fuckin' extreme! on a scale of 1 to 10, one being not so extremeand ten being extremely extreme,
i give this a 9.5! ( men cheering ) check it out!extreme cheddar! whoo! extreme cashier! somebodyshould do something. yeah, you're right. hey, asshole! why don't youleave that guy alone and go jerk off tosome snowboarding videosor something?
i didn't mean you should do something about it. what?you're gonna take that? what's up with that? huh? you're gonna take that? that's right, bitch! you just try fuckin' with meone more time! just try it! ( mocks indian accent )thank you, come again. kumar, you okay?
yeah, dude, i justhate those assholes. you know what?fuck it, i'm hungry.let's just get outta here. ( hip-hop musicplays on car stereo ) ( tires screech ) did doogie howserjust steal my fucking car? yes. i think he did. aaah! ahh! ahhh!
ahh!!! you! you had to pick upa hitchhiker! why?! calm down. why did you leavethe keys in the car? why? becauseit would get stolen. i figured thatneil patrick harriswas a trustworthy guy. come on. how wasi supposed to knowhe'd fuck us over? this whole freaking night,this whole night, is your fault! where are you going?
i'm going insideto call the police. i don't wantto talk to you anymore. there's a pay phoneacross the street if you don't wannadeal with those assholes. after we talk to the cops,we're still goingto white castle, right? i'm not speaking to you. when are they fucking goingto develop button technology that will understand urgency?! dude, this is ridiculous.just walk across.
it'll change in a second. there's not a car in sight.just go ahead. fine. you want me to cross?i will cross. if it makes you happy,i will cross. i'll do it. ( siren blares ) what-- is there a problem,officer palumbo? is there a problem?you ever heard of jaywalking?
yes, i have. i'm really sorry.won't happen again. that's great.i'm writing you up a ticket. a ticket?are you serious? who the fuck are you,shitwad? let me apologizefor my friend here.i'm very sorry. i'm really glad you're here.we've had a rough night. you know the show doogie howser m.d.? great show.god, i love that show."doogie." neil patrick harrisstole my car tonight.
hey, n.p.h. wouldn't do that,all right? give me some i.d. excuse me, how can yougive him a ticketfor jaywalking? it's 2:30 in the morning.there's not a car around here. kumar, shut up. that's not the kind of toneyou want to use on a copwho can bust your ass. bust my ass? yeah, koo-mar.
bust your ass. what kind of nameis that anyhow? koo-mar. what is that,like, five o's or two u's? no, it's actually one u. yeah, bullshit. whatever happened togood old american nameslike dave or jim? harold. are you kiddin-- harold. that's a great name.
let me take care of this. you should beproud of that name, son. as you were, ladies. $220?! are you crazy?! kumar, if you don't stop-- no, i understand exactlywhat's going on here. excuse me, officer,let me take a coupleof guesses. i'm really sorry-- get your hands down!
okay, alright! no sudden moves. back it up! okay! okay! you were probablythe big assholein your high school, right? absolutely right. used to pick on guys like usevery day, right? with pleasure. then graduation day came,
and we went to college, and you went nowhere,and you thought, "hey, how can istill give them shit? i know, i'll become a cop." well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.your dream has come true. now, why don't you just takethis quiet little asian guy with the anglicized namethat treats you so well and give him a coupleof other tickets? better yet,just take him to jail.
better idea. why don't you just arrest him?does that work out for youokay, harold? "great american name, harold." let's go, harold. thanks to your buddy,we're going downtow-- well, thank you so muchfor being understandingabout bradley. i promise youhe won't ever do it again. i'm sure he won't. right, brad?
yes, sir,officer palumbo, sir. mommy, can we go home? get in the car,bradley thomas. ( mockingly )bye, brad. are you gonna dosomething about my car? woman: first our top story. the search for the escaped cheetah continues tonight. it was last spotted in randolph county, south of... so what are you in here for?
for being black. seriously. i am serious.you wanna know what happened? i was walkingout of a barnes & noble, and a cop stops me. evidently a black guyrobbed a store in newark. i told him, "i haven't evenbeen to newark in months." so, he starts beating mewith his gun... ...telling me tostop resisting arrest.
holy shit! what'd you do? i kept saying,"i understandi'm under arrest. now please stop beating me." i don't understand howyou can be so calmabout all this. look at me.i'm fat, black, can't dance, and i have two gay fathers. people have beenmessing with memy whole life. i learned a long time agothat there's no sensegetting all riled up every time a bunch of idiotsgive you a hard time.
in the end, the universetends to unfold as it should. plus i have a really largepenis. that keeps me happy. hey, hey,listen up, guys! multiple gunshotsfired in millbrook park. finally, some action.i'm goin'! no, i'm goin'! lock and load! ( sirens wail ) that was strange.
( rumbling overhead ) what the hell was that? kumar: rold,is that you? kumar? are the cops still here? what the hell are you doing? i just calledand made up some story about a shootingin millbrook park. jesus christ,what'd you do that for?
i'm fucking starving. i figured i'd bust you outand we'd get some burgers. forget it. i'm not gettinginto any more trouble. i'm already in herebecause of you. hey, fuck you! what did you want me to do,stand there and take the hit? you know i've nevertaken a swing at you, ever. i nevergot your car stolen. fine. i'm leaving.
fine. um, harold,how do i get out of here? how the hellshould i know? shit! oh, god,this isn't good. oh, my ass! sure you don't wantto get out of here? and become a fugitive?are you nuts? the guyhas all my information. so what?
we'll just takewhat he wrote downabout you and leave. unless you want tostay here all night and not be able toturn in your work tomorrow. fine, hurry up. yes! all right,we gotta find keys. oh, yes! sweet! i was hopingit would be one of thesebig ring of keys. kumar, hurry the fuck up. all right, yeah.
uh... ( lock turns ) aha! ( sniffs ) hey, what's that smell? what smell? ( crazy on you by heart plays ) heart: ♪ if we still have time ♪ ♪ we might still get by ♪
♪ every time i think about it i wanna cry ♪ ♪ with bombs and the devil, and the kids keep comin' ♪ ♪ no way to breathe easy, no time to be young ♪ ♪ but i tell myself that i'm doin' all right ♪ ♪ there's nothin' left to do at night ♪ ♪ but go crazy on you ♪ ♪ crazy on you ♪ ♪ let me go crazy, crazy on you ♪ bitch! learn how to fuckin'make coffee, you fuckin' whore!
( crying ) i love you. shh. no, baby, come on. hey, kumar. kumar!where are you-- kumar!still in jail, asshole! kumar! the cops-- you thought you'dget away with it, huh? i was in bed.i didn't fire any gun. i swear. hey, jackson'strying to escape!
what are you talking about?i'm just sitting here. he's trying to break free!get him! aw, shit. don't move! stop resisting!we need backup now! he's got a gun. that's not a gun,that's a book. secure the book! book is secure.
you bring this filth in here?what is this shit? wait, wait. we gottado something about this. palumbo: we're gonna teach youhow to read now, brother. if i were you, i'd leaveas soon as possible. man: whose hand is that? thanks, man. jesus christ. thanksfor getting me out, man. no problem. the burgerswouldn't taste as goodif you weren't there. hey, look at this.
it's like we wentfrom being completely poorto being millionaires. what was that? probably just a coyote. aren't people supposed tobe scared of coyotes? that's just'cause they sound scary, man. in one-on-one combat,either of us could take downa coyote, no problem. ( low feline rumbling ) now, cheetahsare another story. no, now hold on.
cheetahs are used toeating gazelles and shit. they're not knownfor eating humans. that is a corpse.we're gonna die. shit!that's not a good sign. maybe if we just stayreally, really still,he'll just go away. just stay really still.don't move, okay? just stay right there.very good. good job. this isn't working. whoa! whoa!
he's mauling me!he's mauling me! aah! aah! dude, i told you notto bring the beef jerky. he likes me. ( chuckles ) hey, rold, i have an idea. you gotta be kidding me, man. uh-uh. ( both chuckle )
this is eithera really smart move or by far the stupidest thingthat we have ever tried. well, we're aboutto find out. mush! i told you this was-- ( both screaming ) oy vey! dude, am i really high,or is this actually working? both!
this is awesome! we're gonna be atwhite castle in no time! aah! that was close, huh, roldy? maria: harold. i need you, harold. i need you, harold. come here, harold. maria. come, harold. i'm coming, baby!
i want you to hold me. papi, i need you. baby, i'm a-comin'! not so fast. ♪ watch out, watch out ♪ unh! bullets--my only weakness.how did you know? ♪ maria ♪ ( automatic gunfire ) ♪ maria, maria ♪
what the hellare you doing? god! you've been out coldfor the past half-hour. i figured maybe if i didsome gay shit you'd wake up. if we did some gay shit?where are we? didn't we come hereon a cheetah?where's the cheetah? it ran away. listen,forget about the cheetah, okay? i have some bad newsand some worse news. give me the worse news first. i looked at someof the road signs up there,
and it looks like the cheetahtook us in the wrong direction. all right,what's the bad news? your laptop'scompletely destroyed. why didn't--why didn't you tell me-- how is that notthe worse news? the laptop situationreally only affects you, whereas the white castlesituation affectsboth of us equally. oh, no! oh, no! all my work was savedon this computer.
now i gotta go backto the office and redo it. exactly. first we'll goto white castle-- forget about white castle.there is no time. car. ( tires screeching ) hello. over-- ( hip-hop music playson car stereo ) whoo-hoo-hoo! yeah. um...
all right,we'll get a pay phone, get a cab backto your office, all right? come on. you all right? hey, check this out! yeah, nice! hey, apu! jesus. these guysare frickin' everywhere. who's looking afterthe kwik-e-martwhile you're gone? you two goingto share a curry slurpee?
dude, check it out.it's rosenberg and goldstein. i want that. what, a hot dog heavensuper chili cheese dog? no. i want that feeling. the feelingthat comes over a man when he getsexactly what he desires. i need that feeling. are you saying what ithink you're saying? we gotta go to white castle.
yes, yes! i knew you had itin you, dude. yo, is that cindy kim? aaha. whoo-ho! oh, dude. you should've bonedher when you had the chance. check it out. why don't you guysjust leave us alone? what are you gonnado about it, mr. miyagi?
that's extreme, man! jackson: there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. the universe tends to unfold as it should. fucking extreme! i'm so sickof their bullshit. don't worry. the universetends to unfold as it should. what is that,some fortune cookie? hey, i got a plan.follow my lead, okay?
your lead? whoa, what are you doing?oh, shit! whoa! stop! those pricks! this is your plan? it's working, isn't it? come on, come on!get 'em, guys! jerk-offs! my truck!
( imitates indian accent )thank you, come again. dude, that wasso not extreme. i know,extreme sports punk #1. i know. harold: let's find ussome tunes, baby. "cole's extreme mix, volume 5"?what is this shit? bonnie tyler: ♪ and i need you now tonight ♪ those guysare fuckin' posers. ♪ and if you'll only hold me tight ♪
amy grant: ♪ baby, baby, the stars are shining for you ♪ ♪ and just like me, i'm sure that they adore you ♪ ♪ baby, baby ♪ ♪ go walking through the forest ♪ wilson phillips: ♪ things'll go your way ♪ ♪ hold on for one more day ♪ ♪ i know that there is pain ♪ ♪ but you hold on for one more day ♪ ♪ and you break free from the chains ♪
♪ yeah, i know that there is pain ♪ ♪ and you break free right from the chains ♪ ( drum beats ) ♪ someday somebody's gonnamake you wanna turn around ♪ ♪ and say good-bye ♪ ♪ say good-bye ♪ ♪ until then, baby ♪ ♪ are you gonna let 'em hold you down ♪ ♪ and make you cry? ♪
♪ don't you know things can change ♪ ♪ things'll go your way ♪ together: ♪ if you hold onfor one more day ♪ ♪ hold on ♪ ( chuckles ) bingo. yeah, dude! cherry hill, man.we're almost there. i told you, man! i found 'em,and i'm gonna need backup. fudge, dude.are you kidding me?
i'm not goingback to jail, man. we've come too far.now buckle up. buckle up! ( siren wails ) we got a chaseon our hands. ready? yeah. for what? where the fuck youtakin' us, dude? just hold on. policeman: what the...
it's a good thing i havean empty stomach or elsei'd puke right now. we're gonna make it. everything's gonnabe all ri--aah! oh, shit. holy shit. put her in reverse. hurry! let's go out the back.i'll go first. don't shake the car! well, hurry up! hey, roldy, check it out.
( angelic music ) shit, shit!we're trapped, man! whoa. not necessarily. no, not a chance. i'd ratherturn myself in than die. no, dude, i knowexactly how to do that. i used to do it with my dadall the time when i was a kid. forget it! i'm notrisking my life overa bunch of hamburgers, man. so you think this isjust about the burgers, huh? let me tell you,it's about far more than that.
our parentscame to this country, escaping persecution,poverty, and hunger. hunger, harold. they were very, very hungry. and they wanted to livein a land that treated themas equals, a land filledwith hamburger stands. and not justone type of hamburger, okay? hundreds of types with differentsizes, toppings, and condiments. that land was america.
america, harold! america! now, this is about achievingwhat our parents set out for. this is aboutthe pursuit of happiness. this night...is about the american dream. dude, we can stay here,get arrested, and end our hopes ofever going to white castle. or we cantake that hang glider and make our leaptowards freedom. i leave the decisionup to you.
i hate you, kumar. tilt forward. roldy. don't worry.everything's gonna be fine. good job, rold. keep running. hey, roldy, there's somethingi forgot to tell you. i've never hang-glided before. what?! jump!
dude, it's working! good news. i just found enough dopein the car to put these skateboard punksin jail for the nextcouple of years. dude, we're so high right now. ha ha ha! all right, i'm bringing her in.right, left, left. perfect! i'm gonna kill you!
( strangled )look! we made it, dude. looks like you guyshad some night, huh? i want 30 slyders,5 french fries,and 4 large cherry cokes. i want the same, exceptmake mine diet cokes, chuck. wow. well,that comes to $46.75. dude, where's my money? you don't have money? dude, are you kidding me?
i gave mineto that asshole at princeton. fuck! fuck that hippie fuck!no! dude, this isn't happening! we didn't make it here,and now we're broke! no, no, no, no! guys, let me pay for it.it's the least i can do. what the hellare you doing here? you guys kept talkingabout white castlelast night so much, it made me startto crave it, too. dude, where's my car?
where's his car, dude? yeah, sorry about that.i told you last nighti was tripping balls. i don't knowwhat came over me. your car's in the parking lot.here are your keys. do you realize what the hellwe had to go throughafter you took the car? yeah. it was a dick moveon my part. that's why i'm payingfor your meal. ( low ) prick. thanks, i guess.
here's 50 bucks for the burgersand 200 for the car. what happened to my car? i made some love stainsin the back seat. you'll see. anyway, nice meeting you guys.i'll catch you later. wherever god takes me. whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, whoa. let's do this together. damn, that hit the spot.
that was the best mealof my life. mine, too. you know what, dude? i think i may actually goto my interview today. are you serious? you know, my whole lifei've just been scared of being one of those nerdyindian guys turned doctor, but tonight got me thinking. there are far worse thingsin this world than being tapped
for having a naturalability in medicine. mxpx: ♪ chick magnet... chick magnet ♪ plus, how cool was that,saving that dude's lifelast night? it was somewhere between that,getting yelled at by my dad, and seeing neil patrick harristhat i realized that i'vealways wanted to be a doctor but i've just been too scaredto admit it to myself. billy, you paying for this? yeah, i'll be there-- good, 'cause if he wasn't,you would.
are you listening to me,roldy? i'm havinga major epiphany here. i'll be right back. you're unlike any other womani've ever met. what the fuckis going on here? harold?what happened to you, man? never mind me.what the fuckare you doing here? i thought you and j.d.were busy all nightwith clients. isn't that whyi had to do your work?
henry, what the hell's going on? back off, cock boy. what i said to himgoes double for you. did you just call me cock boy? yeah, you know i did. you're just stalling because you're not quickenough to think of a comeback. you think i'm not quick enough.guy thinks i'm not quick enough. well, i've got news for you.i am quick enough...
...cock boy! listen, harold,i'm really sorry. don't bother with him.we'll take it upwith berenson tomorrow. what are yougonna tell berenson? that i'm your workhorse? that you guys thinkyou can party all weekend, leave the work tothe quiet asian guyin the office? no, you don't understand. no, you don't understand.
i'm not doingyour work for you anymore. and if either oneof you douche bags ever tries to pullthis shit again, i'll go to berenson myself. i'll tell himwhat's really going on. and i'll tell the whole office how you both caughtgonorrhea from thatprostitute in atlantic city. if you'll excuse me, boys,i gotta get going. kumar. see you boysat the office on monday.
excuse me. dude, that was awesome!where the hell did thatcome from? eating those delicious burgersmade me feel like a new man. you know what? now i'mactually looking forwardto going to work this week. no shit. you know, you mightbe worthwhile after all. i'm not worthless. hey, so those dudesreally have gonorrhea? beats me. let's get going.
what's the rush, dude? i don't have my interviewfor a couple of hours. i got some unfinished businessto take care of. i thought those guyswere gonna do the work. no, unfinished business. still not following you. get in! so you don'teven have a plan. dude, i got loveon my side, man. trust me.
when i see maria, i'm gonnaknow exactly what to say. ( ding ) it looks like you guyshave had some night. shit. you know what?i left my lighter in your car. do me a favor and run downand get it for me, please? i gotta urinate. you sure gota lot of baggage. maria, wait. i know this is gonna seemcompletely out of the blue,
and i know you don'tknow me very well--or, um, at all. but let me tell youwhat the best partof my day is. i come home from workand i walk through this lobby, and on daysthat i'm lucky enough, i spend ten secondsin this elevator with you. i had the craziest nightof my life tonight, and i guess i learned thatif you want somethingor someone, you have to go for it. and if lianecan marry a guy like freakshow
and i can hang-glideand i can ride a cheetah, then i guess... oh, fuck it. rose royce: ♪ girl, i'm ♪ ♪ spendin' my dimes ♪ give me a minute.this is crazy. that was...i'm sorry. i don't even know you. i had white castle,so i'm a little dizzy.
we don't ever speak. we don't talk, so that was inappropriate. ♪ i wanna get next to you ♪ oooh! now you just have to workon your timing. amsterdam. i'll be back in ten days.but i'll see youwhen i get back? bye. bye.i'll see you later.
she touch your penis? what happened? nothing much, really.just a little kiss action. nice. nice! yeah. she's going to amsterdam.she'll be back in ten days. we gotta go. where? amsterdam, man. we gotta get our bags packed
amsterdam? and frickin' takethe next flight out. are you freakingout of your mind?what about your interview? dude, whatever.i'll tell my dadto reschedule it. he won't have a problemas long as i take it seriouslyfor a change. and we gottafreakin' go to europeand find maria. dude, she's coming backin ten days. it's not like i'm nevergonna see her again. listen, for a hot chick,
ten days in europe can bethe kiss of death, okay? she's gonna have all thesesuave, sophisticated guysall over her. when she gets back,she may not be available. forget it. i'll see herwhen she comes back. hey, roldy. you do realize what's legalin amsterdam, don't you? oh, yeah. in today's headlines,rutgers professor tarik jackson and attorney nathaniel banks aresuing the state of new jersey
for racial discriminationand police brutality. my family and i are outraged and will settle fornothing less than justice. i still trust and loveall white people, all of them. and asians.and asians. and a few mexicans as well. several of the officerssuspected of brutality were taken into custodyearlier this morning. run away,you mother ( beep )...
no black mother ( beep )...gonna get away with this,so ( beep )...all y'all. you can suck my ( beep )... police in cherry hill,new jersey, have just arresteda gang of hooligans who are suspected ofterrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. officer thurmond brucksfound their abandoned car, which containeda large bag of marijuana. and in other news,the muckleburg police department
are still lookingfor a fugitive who escaped fromthe police station last night with a companionbelieved to be his accomplice. police have releasedsketches of the two fugitives which they believeto be extremely accurate. ( harold and kumar laugh ) nice!
